Some personal advice please: (No hurtful comments please)

[Harleyman 12]

Hello all,

Looking for some advice here, as I think I'm going mad.

 

After being with my partner for 2 years, we got married, soon after, I found out that she was having an affair with someone I knew (and nearly old enough to be her grandad) and had been for over 4 months.

 

We split up, but kept seeing each other, trying to keep it friendly. Needless to say, within a month, we were sleeping together again (she said he had a problem in that dept).

 

Eight months later, we were still seeing each other, and she even took me out for a meal on our anniversary - the next day, I was going abroad on holiday.

 

She spent the night with me, and I took her home before going to the airport. We stayed in touch all through my holiday, and as I was at the airport on my way home, she dropped the bombshell - the relationship we had was over, but she still wanted to stay friends.

 

However, since that, she has been lying to me about everything, and I cant get an honest answer from her. I have now got to the point where im bombarding her with texts etc, never getting a reply - even though she's the one that wanted to stay friends, meet for coffee etc.

 

I must point out that I do still love her, and I know I'm driving myself crazy with this, but I cant stop it.

 

Any advice people, before I do something really crazy !

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Dump her and move on You'll get over her in time. Nobody ever went crazy or died from a broken heart. Time heals

[irenewilde 10]

Your love is worth someone who loves you too, and every day that you subject yourself to the heartache of trying to get this woman (who clearly doesn't care for you like you care for her) back you're failing your love more and more.

 

You cannot make someone else love you by loving them harder. I've tried this one and I can tell you for certain that that way will gradually drive you to insanity. Either the love is there or it isn't, and in this instance I can say quite categorically that it isn't.

 

Please seek some support and work out how you can let her go, before you are accused of being a stalker. It would help nobody for you to get a criminal record for trying to remain friends with this woman.

 

She's gone- you need to find a way to accept this and rebuild your life.

 

Best and most sensible post on here. Please take this advice.

[Bypassblade 10]

Well said Medusa, to the OP while ever she wants to "stay friends", she is leaving you dangling in false hope, and someone to use when her other interests go wrong.

 

As Medusa says cut all ties through the help of new friends, it may not seem it but there are other fish in the pond.

 

Good luck with it in future, but don't do anything silly that could ruin your life.

[Darkman 10]

The thing is, he was married before, years ago. the split then was very hard on him and it took him a long time to trust people again. Then he met this woman, she did this to him and its totally screwed him up. His wife knew what he had been through before and swore to him she would never do anything like that. Yet she still stood next to him and took her vows, knowing she was already having an affair.

 

I always thought she was a really nice girl, I never thought she could possibly turn out to be like she did.

But shes not my concern, the OP is, and he really needs some kind of help.

[Suffragette1 10]

The thing is, he was married before, years ago. the split then was very hard on him and it took him a long time to trust people again. Then he met this woman, she did this to him and its totally screwed him up. His wife knew what he had been through before and swore to him she would never do anything like that. Yet she still stood next to him and took her vows, knowing she was already having an affair.

 

I always thought she was a really nice girl, I never thought she could possibly turn out to be like she did.

But shes not my concern, the OP is, and he really needs some kind of help.

I don't think that your friend will get the kind of help that he needs on here, to be honest. I would suggest getting some kind of professional help, his confidence and self-esteem are probably really low. This compounds things further and with a low self-esteem one is more likely to stay in dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships.

[Glamrocker 10]

Man up? Were you being ironic?

Your saying that and yet you call yourself Glamrocker?

Yeah I Glam up ,get rid and move on,Dont you think the original Glam Rockers were able to take care of themselves ?they had to dressed as they did .

[AngryDog 10]

Walk away, forget her, shes not worth it. Easy I know. I've recently had to the do the same thing and it is very hard, but I've got good people around me now to keep me occupied.

 

I couldnt stay friends with my ex but thats because of what she was going to do to me once I'd moved to Leeds and also because I still wanted the relationship and she didnt.

 

Try and keep occupied and theres always someone out there deserving of you.

[mikem8634 10]

There's always Relate for help and support - http://www.relate.org.uk/life-channel-divorcing/index.html

[stimpy 10]

A lot of people have said he needs his family and friends.

Good advice, but his only family is his daughter who doesnt live in the area.

As for friends, he doesnt have any really, as he is a very private person and doesnt make friends easily.

Im really worried about him, he has changed so much since the original split, and this latest episode has made him worse. He is covering it it up but I can see how bad he really is.

 

Sounds like he has at least one friend.

 

I think everyone has pretty much said the best solution bwfore me so there isnt really anything else I can add.

[PeteMorris 10]

I think the OP, in his own heart already knows what must be done. Which is pretty much along the lines of what everyone else has said. It's just really hard to 'let it go'. The trick to achieving it of course is to pull yourself together (as best you can) and make sure you're pretty much occupied doing something, going places. The worst thing you can do is sit alone and mope and brood over it, cos that's just a downward spiral. Keep your mind occupied with something or someone else. The more your mind is occupied with 'other' things, the less likely you are to pine for someone who didn't really want you in the first place.

[Powerage 10]

I think I know who this is and if I am right you do have friends who are willing to help most definately but all the advice and help in the world will not make any difference until you decide to cut all ties and move on.

This is not good for your own sanity.

If you need help I am sure you know who I am so please get in touch you know there are plenty of people who would gladly help.

[Mr Bloom 10]

I think you must have known what kind of answers you were going to get on here. That tells me that a part of you is already ready to move on and that you are stronger than you think.

 

I think that while ever you keep this woman's number on your phone, or details, you will never have the self-esteem that you need to embark on a really fulfilling relationship with anyone else.

 

Don't deprive a woman who is deserving of your love from the chance of happiness with you, clear the decks ready!