Should i go see my real dad?

[clematismontana 10]

hmmmm

 

I am a little uncertain what to do, my mum and dad split when i was only 4 months old or sumthing so I dont know my real dad. He hasnt become in contact with me and I have heard bad reports on what he did.

 

However my mum has recently told me where he is working which is 5 mins from where we live!! Now I dont know what to do... i dont want to betray my mum by going to see him but at the same time i am curious to see what he looks like.

 

any advice ??

[sarah1 10]

Why would going to see him betray your mum ??

The way I see it is, your mum has told you where he is so she might be kind of wanting you to go and see him ??

If she really didn't want you to see him, she wouldn't have told you where he is at all..

 

If I were in your shoes, I think curiosity would get the better of me and I'd have to go and see him.. Not necessarily to speak to him, but go and see what he looks like..

[truman 10]

Whatever happened between your mum and dad was nothing to do with you..there's no reason why you shouldn't see him if you wan to....

[clematismontana 10]

She wasnt going to tell me, but my auntie suggested to her she should. She thought I wouldnt want to see him.

 

And from hearing the things he did to my mum i feel i wud betray her to go and see im. He works on a stall so I might go and pretend to buy something from him??

[StJohn 10]

How old are you mate?

 

The thing is the first thing you need to do is talk to you mum about it and tell her how this has made you feel. If she cares she wouldn't try and stop you. If you did go and see him and he knocks you back then you will need your mum around you. If you are mature enough to talk about, lay out why you want to see him and see the consequences then you are mature enough to see him, If you can't do it then you are not ready. As for the bad stories, sound like things ended badly, but you will never know the full story, there is always two sides to a story, so be totally opened minded about it.

 

If there is anyway you can get his address send him a letter, tell him you want to see him, give him your telephone number and see if he calls, that will tell you whether he really wants to see you or not.

[chimay 10]

Do you know why your dad has never contacted you?

 

Please don't just go to his stall. You might not be able to keep your emotions under control. Also would you recognise him if there were a couple of blokes on the stall?

 

Talk to your mum. If you can have a calm conversation with her there might be more information she can give to you.

 

Finally I would suggest that if you are going to contact him maybe you should ask a friend/relative to act as an intermediary. It might not be a good idea to give him your contact details especially if you are still living at home with your mum (and stepdad?).

 

Be prepared for him not to respond but if he does I wish you well in developing a relationship with him.

[sandie 11]

hmmmm

 

I am a little uncertain what to do, my mum and dad split when i was only 4 months old or sumthing so I dont know my real dad. He hasnt become in contact with me and I have heard bad reports on what he did.

 

However my mum has recently told me where he is working which is 5 mins from where we live!! Now I dont know what to do... i dont want to betray my mum by going to see him but at the same time i am curious to see what he looks like.

 

any advice ??

 

Take it from me I was seperated from my wife and I tried repeatedly to contact my children. 30 years later they contacted me and asked for the truth. The stories they told me of what they had understood as the truth that was fed to them was a pack of untruths.

 

You dont want to betray your mum and I can understand that, but you need to know the truth. Every coin has 2 sides.

The reports on the bad things he did will more than likely have come from your mum and her familly and friends, you need to hear it for yourself and from there make your own decision.

I wish you well, but you have to do it. You might be pleasently supprised.

 

Take Care and good luck

[clematismontana 10]

Im 21.

I feel if he wanted anything to do with me he would of tried to contact me, but he hasnt so far.I hear I may have sisters so would be interested in meeting them, I dont want to talk to my mum about it, I dont feel i can. I love my mum to death but dont feel comfortable opening up to her.

 

If i go see him I wont necesarrily talk to him just to see what he looks like, I have seen pictures and apparantly he looks like my brother. I dont want to write a letter because I dont know what to put. .

[sandie 11]

Im 21.

I feel if he wanted anything to do with me he would of tried to contact me, but he hasnt so far.I hear I may have sisters so would be interested in meeting them, I dont want to talk to my mum about it, I dont feel i can. I love my mum to death but dont feel comfortable opening up to her.

 

If i go see him I wont necesarrily talk to him just to see what he looks like, I have seen pictures and apparantly he looks like my brother. I dont want to write a letter because I dont know what to put. .

 

Go and meet him and ask questions, then decied where you go from there, you owe it to yourself and when you have seen him you can then your own mind up as which way to go.

You said "If he wanted anything to do with me he would have tried to contact me". No you are wrong if he has tried to contact you it would be your Mum you cannot be sure if the requests were blocked without you bieng told. It is time for you to here the other side of the story if ther is one, but untill you do you will never know.

 

Good luck and try your best and go with what you feel

[Tooeg 10]

She wasnt going to tell me, but my auntie suggested to her she should. She thought I wouldnt want to see him.

 

And from hearing the things he did to my mum i feel i wud betray her to go and see im. He works on a stall so I might go and pretend to buy something from him??

 

Talk to your mum with your auntie present to give you a bit of support.

[sirglyn 11]

Your aunt sounds ok.Maybe she might be willing to act as an intermediary for you.If I were you I'd go for it.All the very best to you.

[crookesey 637]

Well I didn't, he met a German woman when he was on national service, he abandoned me as a small child, and of course my mother. He mostly failed to pay his £1.00 p/w maintainance, and never attempted to make contact with me.

 

I met him by accident whilst completing a credit agreement for him, and never said a word to him. I later worked with his brother in law, my uncle I suppose, he obviously knew who I was, but never said anything, other than attempting to wreck a promotion opportunity for me.

 

I would walk through walls of fire for my son, fortunately his mother and I have been together for 34 years, but had our marriage failed, my son would still have been my son, and therefore my blood and my responsibility.

 

Do as you will, and I wish you well with your choice.