Trouble at T'Cross Asda

[Alcoblog 10]

Yet another brave mission yesterday to the far flung planet that is Parson Cross ...

 

This time to collect samples of microwave meals and Marmite for my friend who, whilst living there, is still unable to venture out due to the hostile atmosphere.

Research (and telemetry readings from a previous manned expedition) indicated possible traces of food at the new Asda at the northern end of Wordsworth Avenue.

Eschewing more conventional forms of transport, I yet again opted for the Alcocopter for safety reasons. (shown here on sandwich delivery mission)

I have already ascertained that the natives of this inhospitable landscape, the Parsonians, are a primitive semi-sentient species, who's main form of communication is grunting, yelling and fisticuffs.

Not for me, thank you very much! … I parked the Alcocopter on the top of a lamp post, close to the food emporium, descended to the Parsonian surface by Skyhook and legged it to the relative safety of the frozen foods aisle. When I say 'safety', I mean the Parsonians dietary intakes only normally involve things that are wrapped around a bone, or say ABV 12.5% on them … cardboard boxes are a misnomer, and far too complex for their simple brain-stems to comprehend. Thus, the frozen food aisle was deserted and I filled the trolley with gusto, then ducked and dived to the checkout.

 

It must be said here … the Parsonian male is a strange creature indeed. Due to the fact that they have a pathological fear of being recognised, they choose to dress in strange hooded garments … normally emblazoned with motifs such as Adidas, Poundland or Jedward.

As well as this, they wear very strange pantaloons … the crotch being some six inches below the knee! (sometimes, as low as the ankles)

Of course, this favoured form of apparel renders them totally incapable of walking in a normal bipedular fashion.

It was for this reason that I imagined the very nice people at Asda had provided the moving rampway, instead of stairs, from the shop itself to the Parsonian surface … the strange trousers making the pushing of a trolley nigh on impossible.

 

This is not the case, as I soon found out as I set off down the moving ramp, back to the Alcocopter!

The sloping, metal pathway is a trap built by the Parsonians themselves, to hijack unsuspecting higher life forms food trolleys!

I'd only just set foot on the stepless escalator when my shopping trolley became mysteriously disabled! Although I was trying to push it downhill, it wouldn't budge however hard I tried! … almost as if it were welded to the spot!

Of course, I quickly realised that it wasn't welded … the answer was obvious!

The Parsonians were disabling the trolley by means of a very powerful horseshoe magnet from underneath the pathway. Upon disabling the trolley, it was clearly apparent they intended to swoop down from the suspended ceiling lights on ropes and abduct the trolley's contents! (as shown in this picture)

 

Fortunately, my razor sharp reactions took over … I grabbed the bags of shopping from the trolley and leaped over the handrail ... landing on the Parsonian surface in a cloud of disturbed fag ash and used syringes.

From there, a frenzied sprint, dodging a herd of wild indigenous Staffies and Pit Bulls, back to the parked Alcocopter (good job I'd left the rotors spinning!) … up on the skyhook and away! …

 

'Phewee! … that was close!' I told my mate, as he loaded the fresh Aunt Bessie's into the freezer, back on Deerlands Avenue ' … maybe you should shop online next time!?'

 

Anyone else had similar food abduction incidents at this store?

[melthebell 864]

errrrrrm i think my snakebites a little strong tonight

*rubs eyes*

[Mr Bloke 1,445]

A talent such as this should not go unnoticed!

[web1 10]

At last, the mystery of the moving walkway is solved, those crafty parsonians must have evolved by a few weeks, those cunning blighters.

 

Love it.

[Ducky1 10]

errrrrrm i think my snakebites a little strong tonight

*rubs eyes*

 

I am also beginging to think I have had too much wine.

[saxon51 10]

I once went in there and paid £2 for febreze thinking I'd got a bargain on a Zaire footballer called Muamba.

[muddywolf 10]

Do a search, it's been discussed (too) many times, but I guess your feeling a little better with yourself after yet another thread in which your basically saying your so much better than anyone else who ever shops there.

[web1 10]

Do a search, it's been discussed (too) many times, but I guess your feeling a little better with yourself after yet another thread in which your basically saying your so much better than anyone else who ever shops there.

 

No way man, alco blog carries out the most dangerous of missions and risks life and limb to search out answers to the unknown.

 

Did you hear how he bravely fetched his mate some marmite and cheese sandwiches.

 

In times of need, CALL FOR ALCOBLOG!!!!!!!

[sheffstar01 10]

what a load of rubbish!! i was not going to waste my time with a reply on this, but i think its terribly insulting to those decent people in the area who do shop there, yes its a deprived area of sheffield, yes there is a few hoodies and unsavoury characters, but on the whole its full of decent hard working sheffielders who deserve better than these comments. alcoblog clearly lives in a bubble in crookes thinking they are far superior to the rest of us, shame on u!!

[marcster 10]

The op talks out of his butt and has got no idea what it is really like on the cross.

[wornout53 10]

yawn.....not another 'let's have a go at Parson Cross and its inhabitants thread'

[shinyhappy68 10]

Yet another brave mission yesterday to the far flung planet that is Parson Cross ...

 

This time to collect samples of microwave meals and Marmite for my friend who, whilst living there, is still unable to venture out due to the hostile atmosphere.

Research (and telemetry readings from a previous manned expedition) indicated possible traces of food at the new Asda at the northern end of Wordsworth Avenue.

Eschewing more conventional forms of transport, I yet again opted for the Alcocopter for safety reasons. (shown here on sandwich delivery mission)

I have already ascertained that the natives of this inhospitable landscape, the Parsonians, are a primitive semi-sentient species, who's main form of communication is grunting, yelling and fisticuffs.

Not for me, thank you very much! … I parked the Alcocopter on the top of a lamp post, close to the food emporium, descended to the Parsonian surface by Skyhook and legged it to the relative safety of the frozen foods aisle. When I say 'safety', I mean the Parsonians dietary intakes only normally involve things that are wrapped around a bone, or say ABV 12.5% on them … cardboard boxes are a misnomer, and far too complex for their simple brain-stems to comprehend. Thus, the frozen food aisle was deserted and I filled the trolley with gusto, then ducked and dived to the checkout.

 

It must be said here … the Parsonian male is a strange creature indeed. Due to the fact that they have a pathological fear of being recognised, they choose to dress in strange hooded garments … normally emblazoned with motifs such as Adidas, Poundland or Jedward.

As well as this, they wear very strange pantaloons … the crotch being some six inches below the knee! (sometimes, as low as the ankles)

Of course, this favoured form of apparel renders them totally incapable of walking in a normal bipedular fashion.

It was for this reason that I imagined the very nice people at Asda had provided the moving rampway, instead of stairs, from the shop itself to the Parsonian surface … the strange trousers making the pushing of a trolley nigh on impossible.

 

This is not the case, as I soon found out as I set off down the moving ramp, back to the Alcocopter!

The sloping, metal pathway is a trap built by the Parsonians themselves, to hijack unsuspecting higher life forms food trolleys!

I'd only just set foot on the stepless escalator when my shopping trolley became mysteriously disabled! Although I was trying to push it downhill, it wouldn't budge however hard I tried! … almost as if it were welded to the spot!

Of course, I quickly realised that it wasn't welded … the answer was obvious!

The Parsonians were disabling the trolley by means of a very powerful horseshoe magnet from underneath the pathway. Upon disabling the trolley, it was clearly apparent they intended to swoop down from the suspended ceiling lights on ropes and abduct the trolley's contents! (as shown in this picture)

 

Fortunately, my razor sharp reactions took over … I grabbed the bags of shopping from the trolley and leaped over the handrail ... landing on the Parsonian surface in a cloud of disturbed fag ash and used syringes.

From there, a frenzied sprint, dodging a herd of wild indigenous Staffies and Pit Bulls, back to the parked Alcocopter (good job I'd left the rotors spinning!) … up on the skyhook and away! …

 

'Phewee! … that was close!' I told my mate, as he loaded the fresh Aunt Bessie's into the freezer, back on Deerlands Avenue ' … maybe you should shop online next time!?'

 

Anyone else had similar food abduction incidents at this store?

 

 

Well this Parsonian thinks this post is hilarious very good x