Marriage..who's really happy?

[lipschitz 12]

Maybe I'll try. I just know the reaction from previous times. I am prepared to walk as I just don't feel there is any other way.

[Cyclone 10]

It doesn't help now, but I guess advice for anyone else is not to let yourself end up in this pattern, put a stop to any silliness about always being in charge of everything the moment it begins, don't take the easy way out as in the long run it isn't the easy way.

[teenyweeny 10]

Maybe I'll try. I just know the reaction from previous times. I am prepared to walk as I just don't feel there is any other way.

 

Good luck with that,staying and trying to sort things out is the best advice especially if you love the person in question.Dont give up its an easy option..All the best to you. x:)

[lipschitz 12]

Thanks for the advice and thanks to teenyweeny for your optimism. I will update on the situation although I still don't hold out much hope, as cyclone put it, the pattern is set and it may be too hard to change.

[Cyclone 10]

Who knows, a major bump may be enough to break that pattern. You definitely don't want to just let the situation continue though, a marriage is a partnership thought and that should apply to all facets within it.

[Rupert_Baehr 10]

Its all about give and take i suppose,i do like my own way.Hubby does give in a lot for a quiet life.But i know deep down if he had a real problem with it he would say.We must be doing something right i suppose or we would not be together.I love my husband very much and could not be without him.

 

When I try to talk and come up with any idea of my own she turns into a sulky brat, just like a teenager and stays that way in a stoppy silence until I give in, say sorry and she gets her own way. It's been like this for years and I'm at the end of my tether. It stops now!!

 

My husband once packed his bags and threatened to leave me,big wake up call for me i suppose.Not suggesting you do that,have another go of trying to talk..you may be surprised at her reaction.

 

Maybe I'll try. I just know the reaction from previous times. I am prepared to walk as I just don't feel there is any other way.

 

Who knows, a major bump may be enough to break that pattern. You definitely don't want to just let the situation continue though, a marriage is a partnership thought and that should apply to all facets within it.

 

It's not about 'being happy in marriage' it's about 'living with life.

 

Your wife is not 'the bitch from hell' 'then end of all my days' or whatever you want to call her. - She's just somebody you don't know how to talk to.

 

I've been married for 30- odd years. Not because I'm an 'ideal husband' or because my wife will put up with whatever **** I send her way [although she is amazingly tolerant]

 

It works because we talk about it.

[SilverRain 10]

It all depends on what your marriage has been like throughout its 'history'..

 

Sometimes as people said here, it is about lack of communication...if the 2 people in question still love each other and want to make things work, simply talking about it can work wonders.

 

However I have also seen situations when things are exactly the way you described and both parties are in the marriage only because it seems too much of an effort, emotionally, financially and otherwise, and it takes for something as small as, like in your case, a film, a conversation, a remark to 'break the camel's back' and for one or the other, or both, to realise that things are simply not working anymore, and haven't been for a long time..perhaps the marriage was never the right step in the first place but we don't always marry those who are right for us do we, especially if we are young. The only way to deal with this is to end the marriage for the sake of both people involved and ultimately the children, if there are any. I know too many families where a couple stayed together for the sake of the kids and years later the same kids were saying they had known about the problems for a long time and wished their parents had gone their separate ways when they had the chance.

 

The really sad scenarios are those where the situation is as described in the previous paragraph but, one or the other person never finds the strength to change things..especially if one partner is used to the other putting up with anything for a quiet life for years and takes advantage of this... and life goes back to an unhappy and unfulfilled existence.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope things work out for you:)

[DLAnotOK 10]

Saw the film 'The Change Up' a few days ago. The scene in the supermarket where the married guy describes married life to the single guy got me thinking. I was laughing at the time of watching it, but then thought about it and it rang so true of most marriages I know (mine included). How many men really have any say about what goes on in their household? I know I don't!! It doesn't matter what the situation is, I am asked my opinion and then it is disregarded and 'the gaffer' does what she wants. If my opinion is ever taken into consideration and something goes wrong, I never hear the end of it! All I hear is 'it's your fault' or ' I knew I shouldn't have listened to you'. It's gotten to the stage now where I just don't make a decision just to maintain a quiet life. I have quite literally come to the conclusion that I am not happy and am going to end my marriage as I feel like I have lost who I am. The relationship is not an equal one at all and it has taken a comedy film to make me realise this. I just wondered does any man out there have a marriage where he is happy or has any worthwhile input into it? I'd love to get feedback on this, as most guys I know seem to be in the same position as me yet do nothing about it.

 

You need to man up and grow a pair mate.

[skinz 10]

Marriage, highly overrated.

[Mecky 10]

Why do women see themselves as failures if they're not married, have a house, a car, 2.4 children and a cat and a dog by the time they reach 26?

[SilverRain 10]

Why do women see themselves as failures if they're not married, have a house, a car, 2.4 children and a cat and a dog by the time they reach 26?

 

26?!

 

Try 36 and even that's not the end of the world:)

 

But yes, you're right, I have a couple of younger friends who are worryingly concerned about this.

 

One piece of good advice I've received over the years and only now (just about!) starting to 'get' (ok, and I still snap at people who tell ME this occasionally... yep pot and kettle!) is that things in life happen when and how they happen, for a reason... and that includes good things, which, for some, may be marriage, kids, dogs and whatever else matters to them.

[Jessica23 10]

Why do women see themselves as failures if they're not married, have a house, a car, 2.4 children and a cat and a dog by the time they reach 26?

 

Not all women feel like that.