Socially inept people, I need your help..

[Rentaknight 10]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

 

Please help me, I'm a lost FRESHER!!!!

 

I'll get straight to the point.

 

I'm in my first year at University. I live in Exchange Works, Student accomodation. I have 5 Flat mates. I took two gap years working and living alone on London. (I'm from a small town in Wales!) I belive as a person I'm very outgoing, confident and sure of myself. More about me. I'm an ex-model, I do sports for my uni, I have a gorgeous gf, a job in a bar in town, doing university course at sheff uni, a stable family, pretty sweet money situation. Anyway, I'm wondering how to address the situation of my flat mates. (Not saying cos I lived on my own at 18 > 20 I'm invinicble but I lived on my own in London, got a job, paid my own way, made **** loads of friends, climbed my way to the top of alot of social ladders and got alot of independence!)

 

During freshers I got to know them all, but never really paid much attention to them, as they weren't really my sort of people. By my own judgement they are all geeks. Whilst I would be very happy to go to Gatecrasher, they see it as hell. A place where people are stuck up, looking at each other, beautiful and confident. (Again sweeping generalisation). They are the kind of people who don't go out much anyway, and if they go would prefer to go to the pub. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this, but they are 18/19 and If I don't want to go to a pub it's cos i'm bored and not cos I am too shy to go.

 

Anyway alittle about them. One is a physics geek. One is a freaky gothic girl who is just generally weird. One is a computer geek who has the worst social skills I've ever encountered. One is just a very shy very quiet girl, and another is again a quiet girl who enjoys things such as reading, quiet relaxation and chess. (No doubt!). I honestly don't think this is a case of them not liking me as a person, cos I'm often the one trying to strike up conversation. AND I MEAN MINIMAL CONVERSATION. Like who are u, how old r u, where r u from etc etc And they just daren't speak... and I know they often leave the kitchen if they think anyone is going in... they like to be alone alot ;o haha

 

Anyway time has passed and I've gone off and joined clubs, made friends, got a job etc and my flat mates seem to have vanished. I'm sure most of them don't stay in Sheffield, and go home when they can. And I'm sure few of them prefer to stay in their rooms 24/7 and only leave for lectures. I don't see this is a good choice, I see this as poor social and confidence skills.

 

Anyway, they don't get on with each other. So it's not like it's me against them. It's gotten to a point where I really wish I could get to know them alittle better or at least get to a stage where I could dicuss flat issues such as tidyness etc etc (Don't need to discuss loud noise or friends cos they don't have any!)

 

I just feel like pherhaps I scare them ? Or imtimidate them ? Should I leave them alone ? How do I get them to interact with the flat or me more ? How can I get them to communicate.

 

I'm sure there's some REALLY shy people on this board, so don't hold back give me some advice on what to do. I don't want to be arsey with them, but I think these people are.. odd!

 

And before you ask, I'm not talking about quiet people I'm talking about EXTREMELY QUIET PEOPLE. I promise, in 3 weeks I have only seen one flat mate. I imagine the others stay in their rooms. How can this be a good way to live ? I'm not looking to change their lifestyle, just ideas to put them at ease with me and the flat. They don't dare use the kitchen... grrr

 

Help?

 

(I'm not dissing this board or the people on it at all I promise, since I came to Sheffield I always check this out at least once or twice a week!)

[Strix 11]

We're having a party at your place on Satuday then are we?

 

Welcome to the forum (properly)

[nanrobbo 12]

Read your posting with interest. May I suggest:

 

First Maybe your flatmates realise you think them geeks

 

Second Maybe they just like their own company

 

Third Maybe they don't like you and would prefer you to ignore them.

Some people are too polite to be obnoxious.

[Deavon 10]

You don't get on with the people you live with. Let Madame Deavon read the cards and take a look at what might be wrong here.

 

First there's you:

 

Originally posted by Rentaknight

I belive as a person I'm very outgoing, confident and sure of myself. More about me. I'm an ex-model, I do sports for my uni, I have a gorgeous gf, a job in a bar in town, doing university course at sheff uni, a stable family, pretty sweet money situation. ...made **** loads of friends, climbed my way to the top of alot of social ladders...

 

Then there's your housemates:

 

Originally posted by Rentaknight

Anyway alittle about them. One is a physics geek. One is a freaky gothic girl who is just generally weird. One is a computer geek who has the worst social skills I've ever encountered. One is just a very shy very quiet girl, and another is again a quiet girl who enjoys things such as reading, quiet relaxation and chess. (No doubt!). I honestly don't think this is a case of them not liking me as a person, cos I'm often the one trying to strike up conversation. AND I MEAN MINIMAL CONVERSATION. Like who are u, how old r u, where r u from etc etc And they just daren't speak... and I know they often leave the kitchen if they think anyone is going in... they like to be alone alot ;o haha

 

(they all sound lovely by the way... I'll bet they are v. v. interesting)

 

Then there's your answer to your own question:

 

Originally posted by Rentaknight

During freshers I got to know them all, but never really paid much attention to them, as they weren't really my sort of people.[/Quote]

 

I think you may need to come off that pedestal of yours and give them a chance or two.

 

(with the greatest respect... you "social ladder" climber, you!)

[nanrobbo 12]

Originally posted by nanrobbo

Read your posting with interest. May I suggest:

 

First Maybe your flatmates realise you think them geeks

 

Second Maybe they just like their own company

 

Third Maybe they don't like you and would prefer you to ignore them.

Some people are too polite to be obnoxious.

 

Sorry I got more mad with your posting

I should have said "Some people are too polite to be rude to an obnoxious jumped up nowt."

[peterdo 10]

In a nut shell Deavon

[noseyrosie 10]

While I can sympathise with the fact that you and your flatmates are like chalk and cheese (lucky me eh, my flatmates and me are all best buddies), you don't seem to have even bothered to get to know them anyway - I'm a really outgoing party type, but my best friend hates clubbing and is a stay-at-home type. You sound like a bit of snob to me, and some sort of trendy who hasn't got the time of day for anyone but the 'beautiful' people at Gatecrasher - would you not bother to make friends with someone because they were unnattractive? Maybe your flatmates have been avoiding you because you're stuck up and narrow minded, and they'd rather talk to someone a bit more...interesting?

[Bic0 10]

Rentaknight... Assuming that your post isn't a subtle form of humour and that therefore you probably appear as 'full of yourself' to your flatmates as you do to me, in their situation, I'd be doing exactly what they seem to be doing, i.e. avoiding you like the plague!

[youwhatref 10]

Deavon, very well put and just what i was thinking. Rentaknight, your post said it all i'm afraid and starting off hwo great you are sends out the wrong message mate.

[JoeP 11]

Just putting on my Dwayne Dibbley costume and checking my Professor Frink ineptitude here....

 

Yep...that's better...now socially inept enough.

 

If you consider your flatmates geeks it's quite likely that they know that. Most folks don't like being thought of like that.

 

It's their lives; as long as they pay their share of the rent what's the problem? If you don't like their company, leave and find a flat with beautiful non-geeks who share your outlook.

 

Your two years 'gap' didn't appear to instill you with a degree of tolerance for people different in age and outlook to yourself - that two years is a big two years - the difference between a 22 year old and a 20 year old can be great.

 

You come over here as snobbish and superior; perhaps this is how your flatmates see you. Perhaps a genuine attempt at friendship and humility on your part might help. Your flatmates sound a darn sight more interesting than you are - they seem to have individuality and self-confidence to be themselves.

 

Sorry to sound so harsh, but you did ask for help from u socially inept people....

 

Joe

[Titian 10]

Well......... It takes all sorts.

 

Icluding pretentious and "geeks".

 

Your post doesn't come across very well, maybe you mean well as that seems to be your intention, but not everyone thinks pubs and gatecrasher are the best thing since sliced bread. Who is to say you are right and they are wrong. Maybe they are not shy or maybe they are.

If they are maybe they like being that way and you will have to accept that, it probably isn't your job to "integrate" them.

 

My advice would be to leave them be, stop worrying about them and if you really can't stand the way they are look to move somewhere else.

[redrobbo 10]

The title of this thread says it all - you regard your flatmates as socially inept.

 

Clearly, as you regard yourself as superior to them in every way, there appears to be only one solution to your perceived problem. Move out!

 

Happy relocation!