Being Single and its problems

[shaznay 10]

i have only been single for the past 2 years and 2 months since my hubby died, i started seeing someone for 4 months at the end of last year which i am now glad i am out of as he treat me like s**t [my sons words] but he did, which i am now glad he is not in my life anymore.

 

i dont want another man in my life and i dont need one, i am 52 and am happy as i am i dont want the hassle of a relationship , i can please myself what i do and i dont have anyone to make me feel like i am worthless again, i know there are some men out there that are ok but i dont want the hassle of meeting someone again and getting all the bad stuff and none of the good

 

what do i need a man for, any jobs in the house that i cant manage, i have my sons to help and if its company/ someone to talk to, i have friends and if i need enjoyment in other ways i have something that needs batteries and is less trouble

 

no i dont need a man, the only man i want is dead and i dont want anyone else ever

 

my late hubby had a lot of faults but his good ways outshone the bad and theres nobody in this world that could be better than him for me, he always told me in all the 33 years we were married that there was nobody in the world that could ever come between us or break us apart and he was right not even in death can they.

 

Thats very sad losing your hubby so young,

 

It really makes you think...you dont appreciate what you have till its gone,

 

all the best for the future summer1955 xxx

[Coral Water 10]

SInce starting this thread there have been a few -NO alot of good comments and valid points (and taken on board) My problem is that the freinds i had (thought i had) were not really freinds - they are attached and used me when they had a fall out with their partners. The so called freinds that arranged to go out with and either let me down at the last minute or didnt turn up at all (without an explanation)

 

Unfortunately i dont have any family left now so its very lonely. Now there will be people out there saying get yer self out!! Not on my own- been there done it and its uncomfortable. I have tried very hard and now i have given up. It's not easy for females (in my opinion)

[valentine 10]

well if your lucky you might just get a date out of this ;-)

[tomarse 10]

SInce starting this thread there have been a few -NO alot of good comments and valid points (and taken on board) My problem is that the freinds i had (thought i had) were not really freinds - they are attached and used me when they had a fall out with their partners. The so called freinds that arranged to go out with and either let me down at the last minute or didnt turn up at all (without an explanation)

 

Unfortunately i dont have any family left now so its very lonely. Now there will be people out there saying get yer self out!! Not on my own- been there done it and its uncomfortable. I have tried very hard and now i have given up. It's not easy for females (in my opinion)

 

I can relate very much to what you say, my friends have been taking advantage of my lack of money and refusing to admit it, avoiding me and ignoring me. I still consider them friends but they're far from good friends! People like this don't help, I think we both need some luck to come accross people that have a similar attitude to our own and who are prepared to consider people other than themselves.

 

I would still encourage you to get out, it's what I'm trying to do, but that doesn't only mean clubs and pubs, I've done the going out on your own to a club or pub thing and the lone walk back is absolutely horrible! But just getting some vitamin d I find very important, it's getting sunny now so I'm trying to go out for a walk when I can and seeing if I happen to meet people while at it. I don't have any suggestions for you because I don't know what's important to you, I just encourage you to keep looking where you can I suppose? My own plans are to move to south korea and start over in a year if I still feel the same as I do now, it's a long step but fresh starts make it easier to meet people I think?

[foxforcefive 10]

I neither like nor dislike being single, what I do like though, is not being in a toxic relationship.

[EdnaKrabappe 14]

I don't like being single as i don't like trying to start anything so i've almost stopped trying to, as everytime i do, i get ceremoniously crapped on.

Nerina Pallot puts it best in her song.

Jump

I just wonder what is so awful about me when i see allsorts of people of shapes and sizes, intelligences, walks of life happy and yet I can't seem to meet anyone and on the rare occasions I do, they end up being something they pretend not to be.(engaged, married, with someone else in the space of a few hours!)

So then i go back into this self preservation shell. I've just crawled out of it for a brief intelude and now wish I'd stayed there. At least being on your own just is lonely at times, not making you feel like a fool.

[Suffragette1 10]

I don't like being single as i don't like trying to start anything so i've almost stopped trying to, as everytime i do, i get ceremoniously crapped on.

Nerina Pallot puts it best in her song.

Jump

I just wonder what is so awful about me when i see allsorts of people of shapes and sizes, intelligences, walks of life happy and yet I can't seem to meet anyone and on the rare occasions I do, they end up being something they pretend not to be.(engaged, married, with someone else in the space of a few hours!)

So then i go back into this self preservation shell. I've just crawled out of it for a brief intelude and now wish I'd stayed there. At least being on your own just is lonely at times, not making you feel like a fool.

 

Edna - I have been there and totally sympathise. If it happened (ie meeting and settling down with the right person) to me then it will anybody, I assure you. I think the key is to be with someone with whom you would be friends aside from the sexual attraction factor. Ask yourself 'would I be friends with this person if I didn't fancy them?' and if the answer's 'no' then walk away.

[discodown 11]

Well fear not. Theres love for everyone no matter how old you are. My dad died a few years ago and my mum who is 66 this year is on the verge of running away to gretna with her new boyfriend and I couldn't be happier for her.

 

If you want to be with someone make it the right someone. if you don't then don't. But no matter what like Bill tells us "to thine own self be true"

[TallestDwarf 10]

SInce starting this thread there have been a few -NO alot of good comments and valid points (and taken on board) My problem is that the freinds i had (thought i had) were not really freinds - they are attached and used me when they had a fall out with their partners. The so called freinds that arranged to go out with and either let me down at the last minute or didnt turn up at all (without an explanation)

 

Unfortunately i dont have any family left now so its very lonely. Now there will be people out there saying get yer self out!! Not on my own- been there done it and its uncomfortable. I have tried very hard and now i have given up. It's not easy for females (in my opinion)

 

There do seem to be more single women than single men. Is that a fact or just my impression? Does anyone know the stats ? Notwithstanding, loneliness is a difficult thing to deal with. Have you tried "joining" something - a club, interest group anything that might get you out with a purpose beyond just meeting folk - shared interests can break down lots of the initial barriers. - Sorry if that's just repeating what others have said.

[Dozy 11]

I think teams are way better than solo missions, they have more depth and can achieve more. I also think that teams of mixed sex are better than same sex teams, otherwise things aren't balanced.

My bold

 

Yeh - and you're a real expert on relationships aren't you - especially the balanced kind

[rubydazzler 11]

I know we often say it on these threads, but SFers do meet up for evenings out all the time. I'm one of the drink and meal people but there are lots of other groups on here, the Walkers Group have a fuill social calendar even! We're all mostly people on our own that go to these things, so if you're ever feeling a bit down and lonely, check out the Evenings Out board and see if there's anything planned.

 

Other than that, and risking sounding downbeat, I understand exactly where Edna is coming from, I've spent the majority of my life being a single and I still don't like it. I've seriously been looking for the last 5 or 6 years and I've run the gamut, dating sites, social clubs, dancing sessions, singles nights ... the men you meet are just out for a 'good time', cheating on someone else, misrepresent themselves, too old, too young, or have some serious personality defect. And they probably go home thinking the same about the women they meet.

 

You just give up in the end and settle for friends and family.

[AJ sheffield 11]

The biggest problem I had when I was single was pant washing, thankfully I have got that sorted now.