Super Squirrel in Gleadless!

[BettyBooHoo! 10]

It's not just 'super squirrels' that frequent Blackstock road! There's a ruthless gang of furry animals known as the 'CHAVS' ... an acronym for 'cuddly hamsters and vicious squirrels'

 

They all take anabolic hazlenuts to boost their physique. Some of the squirrels have been mistaken for kangaroos, notably the gang leader 'Misteress' (a poor play on words meaning 'Mr S' ... Mister squirrell)

He's most probably the squirrel in question here. He hangs about furtively in the big Sycamore tree selling his wares ... notably, Crack Coconut and Acorn Nitrate, whilst the hamsters keep a lookout in their customised wheels.

 

Just recently there was a gangland battle between the CHAVS and the Hillsborough Tree Penguins over the 'ownership' of Ecclesall woods ... the new playboys paradise of the wealthier penguins.

 

This was headline news in the Sheffield 'Star' last month, only five weeks after it happened. Here's an extract for those who missed it:

 

'Fierce fighting broke out yesterday in the normally tranquil treetops of Ecclesall woods between rival gangs of squirrels and tree penguins in what is thought to be part of a long running battle over the ownership of luxury deciduous and coniferous trees.

Fire fircones and large acorns were thrown and twigs set on fire.

 

The Pigeon Police were called in and responded by using conkers and gooseberry shields.

 

Lieutenant Farquhar 'fluffy' Mcfeather of the pigeon Police was quoted as saying;

'Several arrests were made and a large quantity of illegal tree sap was seized... our investigations are ongoing'

The case continues ...

 

Here at the Star, our investigative team has managed to hack into texts of mobile phones owned by 'Mr S' and several of his accomplices, notably the notorious 'Hamster Harry'

These transcriptions can now be bought in a weekly series of quality hand crafted, vellum bound (with 24 carat gold tooling) note books, from all good chip shops at the introductory price of £17.99 each, or a one off payment of £843.75 (made payable to address below) giving a saving of 26%!

 

(end of extract from the Star)

 

As you can see ... the sighting of one 'super squirrel' is just the thin end of the wedge! I fear more news in days to come!

 

You are clearly mad.....I like you!

[Alcoblog 10]

You are clearly mad.....I like you!

 

I'm merely reporting the facts Mrs BooHoo, like the responsible SF reporter that I am!

Some of the goings on may seem a little unlikely ... I can assure you it's all true though!

[missymoo73 10]

You are clearly mad.....I like you!

 

agreed - well funny he is lol

[BettyBooHoo! 10]

I'm merely reporting the facts Mrs BooHoo, like the responsible SF reporter that I am!

Some of the goings on may seem a little unlikely ... I can assure you it's all true though!

 

Of course dear, it was never in doubt!

[helibish 10]

You are clearly mad.....I like you!

 

We are all mad surely, just spending our days/nights on here

Driving up through Blackstock having your windows down, with all the drugs up there, think yourself lucky it was only a giant squirrell you saw. (woo the fumes)

[Annoni_mouse 10]

We are all mad surely, just spending our days/nights on here

Driving up through Blackstock having your windows down, with all the drugs up there, think yourself lucky it was only a giant squirrell you saw. (woo the fumes)

 

This could explain it. Maybe I was just getting high of the fumes and what I actually saw was bog standard squirrel..or a crisp packet or summat?

[puddinburner 10]

Alcoblog!!!!! Yay!! Your ace! Lmao x

[Mr_Squirrel 10]

It's not just 'super squirrels' that frequent Blackstock road! There's a ruthless gang of furry animals known as the 'CHAVS' ... an acronym for 'cuddly hamsters and vicious squirrels'

 

They all take anabolic hazlenuts to boost their physique. Some of the squirrels have been mistaken for kangaroos, notably the gang leader 'Misteress' (a poor play on words meaning 'Mr S' ... Mister squirrell)

He's most probably the squirrel in question here. He hangs about furtively in the big Sycamore tree selling his wares ... notably, Crack Coconut and Acorn Nitrate, whilst the hamsters keep a lookout in their customised 'wheels'.

 

Just recently there was a gangland battle between the CHAVS and the Hillsborough Tree Penguins over the 'ownership' of Ecclesall woods ... the new playboys paradise of the wealthier penguins.

 

This was headline news in the Sheffield 'Star' last month, only five weeks after it happened. Here's an extract for those who missed it:

 

'Fierce fighting broke out yesterday in the normally tranquil treetops of Ecclesall woods between rival gangs of squirrels and tree penguins in what is thought to be part of a long running battle over the ownership of luxury deciduous and coniferous trees.

Fire fircones and large acorns were thrown, daffodils uprooted and twigs set on fire.

 

The Pigeon Police were called in and responded by using conkers and gooseberry shields.

 

Lieutenant Farquhar 'fluffy' Mcfeather of the pigeon Police was quoted as saying;

'Several arrests were made and a large quantity of illegal tree sap was seized... our investigations are ongoing'

The case continues ...

 

Here at the Star, our investigative team has managed to hack into texts of mobile phones owned by 'Mr S' and several of his accomplices, notably the notorious 'Hamster Harry'

These transcriptions can now be bought in a weekly series of quality hand crafted, vellum bound (with 24 carat gold tooling) note books, from all good chip shops at the introductory price of £17.99 each, or a one off payment of £843.75 (made payable to address below) giving a saving of 26%!

 

(end of extract from the Star)

 

As you can see ... the sighting of one 'super squirrel' is just the thin end of the wedge! I fear more news in days to come!

 

You and i need to have a word mate.

[sues_budgie 10]

For its own safety, has this squirrel been shot?

 

It has been seen by humans, it probably has alsos no doubt been seen by cats, it no doubt has been near roads and as such could get ran over by a car

[Alcoblog 10]

Decided to go for a leisurely run (with G/F) through Ecclesall woods this morning as a precursor to a lovely Sunday lunch ... you know ... work up a bit of an appetite?

 

Good job we'd taken precautions and were wearing our Kevlar bomb proof track suits!

The 'super squirrels' have turned the place into a war zone!

 

It was only through good luck and happenstance that my Adidas trainer didn't snag on the booby trapped twig as I halted to tie up my undone shoelace.

As I looked around I could see dozens of them! ... miniature green land mines with spikes (obviously detonators to the trained eye) coming out of them.

These had haphazardly been strewn around under the Horse chestnut trees in great profusion.

 

I (being a very clever person) immediately realised that the 'Super squirrels' had, in their attempts to conker them, booby trapped all the chestnut trees with the sole intention of causing severe injury to the affluent Hillsborough Tree Penguins!

 

Although only a novice when it comes to bomb disposal, I gathered my wits and took decisive action ... I yelled at my G/F and passers by to clear the area! I undid my shoelaces and created a ten foot exclusion zone by wrapping them around 'Posts' fashioned from twigs with my Swiss Army Knife.

 

Once the area was secure, I got on my hands and knees and gingerly inched my way toward the green land mines where my work commenced.

Using the scissors on the aforesaid Swiss Army Knife, I (with baited breath) and an almost surgical dexterity, spent over three fraught hours snipping off all the detonating spikes, thus disarming the mines.

 

My work was done ... I'd saved the Tree Penguins!

I want no recognition for my brave (no, ... foolhardy!) self sacrifice, just bear in mind ... If you go down to the woods today, you're in for a big surprise!

Edited July 10, 2011 by Alcoblog

[oneeyedpug 10]

hahaha thats so funny!

[dhs1 10]

We love you alcoblog for brightening up threads with your witty remarks lol

 

Seconded. .