Remember Birley School?

[lynnielass 10]

Does anyone remember the rumour going round school that one of the teachers was caught peeking into the windows of the nurses home???

[zakes 68]

OCTOPUS JUICE

 

The day had started well for Zakes. He had leapt out of bed with a smile having thought of his fave girl in class at Birley School. Zakes oppened his curtains with a design of the Bash Street Kids on them and peered out the window to be greeted by a sunny day in April 1967. Zakes was good mooded all day but that was to change. At 13:57 during a fierce but friendly ink fight in class Mr Fidler (vaunting type, played footy for Macclesfield) had been hit by one of Zakes' overladen ink pellets and within seconds the ink was running down his face like blue tears. Mr Fidler was well and truly quinked. The upshot of this was that Zakes was to go to the headmaster and explain to him what he had done. That instantly wiped the smile from Zakes' face and put him in an immediate state of petrification. Zakes with innards churning called in at the boys bogs, after weshing his hands Zakes being a forward thinker plugged the plug in the plughole (where else?) of the third weshbasin from the left and proceeded to fill the ceramic receptacle with cold water. Zakes marched at a snail's pace along the corridor toward the last room on the left. Zakes thumped twice upon the door of the lion's den and the response was a roared demand to enter. As usual Mr 'Harry' Lines was sat with his back to the window which created an intimidating silhouette and with the sun rays pouring through the window from without Zakes was blinded by the light making it impossible to see the face of his arch enemy. After the shouted remonstration had abated 'Harry' arose from his throne and reached to the cupboard where his canes of different lengths and widths were stored. Having chosen the second cane from the right 'Harry' ordered Zakes to bend over the other chair in the room. Six swishes and six ouches later Zakes left the lions den and brushed past the blushing school secretary who had been listening at the door. Zakes sprinted down the corridor also doing a hop, skip and a jump, his poor rear end felt like it was afire! On reaching the Carzey Zakes released his snake belt, unbuttoned and lowered his Marks & Sparks grey coloured trousers then climbed up backwards finally lowering his burning backside into the welcoming cold water in the wesh basin......AAAAAH.

[sezlez 10]

Jeez mate I have read most of your stuff.

You are one seriously funny man.....er in doors is playing mardy arses cos I wont get off the PC ARF ARF....................

[TKenny85 10]

I went to Birley 86-90. Brought back lots of memories of the teachers there! My form tutors were Mr Styan, Mr Fiddler and Mrs Brufton, I think, in the 5th year. She was some cooking teacher. Also remember the art teacher Mr Tucker and his unruly beard and Mr Sheard was so funny. My maths teacher throughout was Miss Crookes. Have seen several teachers in the last few years like Mr Harding, who doesn't seem to look any different and Mr Goodison, the science teacher. Recall Hallam FM turning up to award Mr Badat the Teacher of the Year award or something once. Mr Goddard was Ernie Wise, too.

 

Oh, and our biology teacher was Miss Virgin...

[zakes 68]

ZAKES PAYS HOMAGE

 

It was Thursday the 33rd day in the month of September 1967 and Zakes had become so very aware of the opposite sex partly due to the fact that he had spent many hours flicking through the pages of his eldest brother's Parade magazine collection. Zakes found himself on this fine overcast day strolling along the main corridor at his place of learning Birley Secondary Modern School, 6 paces behind Miss Moore. Zakes casually but eagerly scanned her from waist downwards over a pert rump, down past curvy thighs, and of course those dimply creases behind the knees, down shapely calves onwards to beautifully well turned ankles and back up again. It occurred to zakes that as regards looking at legs the higher you went the nearer the bottom you got. Zakes with heart also throbbing couldn't resist giving a low, deep hardly audible wolf whistle. Miss Moore half turned her long most snoggable neck and gave Zakes what he thought may have been a salacious smile, well she did twitch her lips. Miss Moore continued her journey along the corridor toward the staff room and Zakes chanced another glance at the body of this goddess and when he got to the hem line noticed a flash of torquoise blue and like a fool immediately blurted out CHARLIE'S DEAD! In a split second Miss Moore half twisted and looked down and to her horror realised her underskirt was showing and in panic promptly disappeared into the face saving staff room. Miss Moore was the fourth babe Zakes had fallen in love with in recent times, the others being Lynn Stacey, Sandie Shaw and Maggie Fitzgibbon who played Vivienne Cooper in the Newcomers on the telly. Miss Ellis, the new sports teacheress who had recently come to Birley School from Hinde House School had also just gone into the staff room. Zakes had observed that she had a fine pair of lungs but her legs let her down in a big way. Zakes made the decision to go for a smoke and turned round and headed toward the lads lav. Having fulfilled his craving for the cork tipped Craven 'A' fag, Zakes exited the boys bogs and just caught sight of Sandra Wallis and Lynn Stacey (yes,her again) going into the lasses loo dressed in white blouses and grey pleated skirts and knee high white virgin socks both of them looking as if butter would melt. Zakes shuffled up to the door and stiffened his ears to listen in on their dialogue, and he heard Sandra ask Lynn, ''What do boys talk about?'' Lynn replied ''I suppose the same as us girls'', Sandra then said ''DIRTY SODS!'' Zakes had to chuckle as he slunk away thinking it was only last week that Sandra had given him a guided tour around the corrugated iron garages behind her home on Newstead Drive!......Oh Ah.

[fontane 10]

anyone remember mr green???

 

Yeah, Music teacher if I recall correctly.

 

I left in 86 (I think) and can remember Doctor Fox the science teacher.

 

I was also there when Mr Wright got hold of Mr Sheard and had him pinned up against the Geography class wall because he had blocked some class day out the Mr Wright had wanted to organise.

 

I was in the class at the time wondering what was going on, it was sooo funny

 

Ooh there were the days:hihi:

[fontane 10]

I was in Birley infants and middle, then went to Frecheville comp. Left 1985. Anyone from there?

 

Yep went up from Birley spa to Frecheville at about the same time as you Matthav.

 

If I recall we were the first year ever to do the new GCSE qualifications

[eastbank 10]

yes i left in 69/70 happy days

 

 

loved it at birley school,only had one year there then they joined up with those green bugs from thornbridge...and hated it...:hihi:

[zakes 68]

'KIN 'ELL', PURRIT AAHT!

 

It was Septober during the year of 1966 that the welterweight whippersnapper also known as Zakes was leaning against the paper towel dispenser in the lads latrine. He was casually staring at the ceiling intrigued by a spider wandering aimlessly along from left to right. Zakes was also casting his mind back to a ditty that had been related to him in class by one of the girls three minutes shy of one hour ago. Smiling to himself Zakes was trying to remember the exact wording of the ditty, then to memorise it because he wanted to tell it to his mum when he got home after school. Zakes eventually got it sorted in his head and it went like:-

 

THERE WAS A MAN FROM THE MANOR

WHO DID ANYTHING FOR A TANNER

HIS LATEST TRICK

WAS TO STAND ON HIS P-I-K

AND TIGHTEN HIS B-L-S

WITH A SPANNER Naughty girl!

 

Zakes lost interest in the spider and reached into the top pocket of his maroon coloured blazer and withdrew a Woodbine flip and enkindled it with a matchstick gained from a matchstick box with a motif of Captain Matthew Webb on it's front side. Drawing busily on his dog end and thinking of better days Zakes suddenly stood to attention with a jolt because Mr Shimwell had appeared out of nowhere and caught Zakes red handed and yellow fingered in the act. Mr Shimwell in a loud voice gave Zakes a serious talking to giving Zakes the shakes. Mr Shimwell went on to tell Zakes that smoking can cause lung cancer, and he would also get smelly breath and the girls wouldn't want to kiss him and that Zakes could also develop a bad cough. Zakes interrupted Mr Shimwell by saying:-

 

IT'S NOT THE COUGH

THAT CARRYS YOU OFF

IT'S THE COFFIN

THEY CARRY YOU OFF IN Sir!

 

With that, Mr Shimwell already frothing at the mouth grabbed Zakes by the collar and dragged him from the shouse, then along the corridor to the office of Mr 'Harry' Lines. Once inside Mr Shimwell explained to 'Harry' what had been appertaining and Mr Lines thanked him and said he would take over then dismissed him from the office. As Zakes was bending over the punishment chair he noticed a twenty pack of Rothmans king sized ciggies on 'Harry's' polished desk. After the sound thrashing of four thwacks Zakes was sent packing. With burning butt Zakes danced down the corridor in direction of the classroom and thought the world was so unfair because Mr Lines and Mr Shimwell both smoked, and who was to punish them?

[lynnielass 10]

How the teachers never smelt the fag smoke on us is beyond me!! Me and Sandra would take it in turns of going to the `little girls room`, we`d take a fag and some sort of lighting equipment (failing that there was always the incinerator (yuk) and some of that lovely soft (not!) toilet roll to light the fags with, have a few drags ,then return to the class all sweetness and light.

Oh, for those days back... only had to worry bout the next fag break lol

[lynnielass 10]

Any one remember Miss Goose from Birley Juniors?

[lynnielass 10]

has anyone got any photos of these halcyon days?