FoxLady

Thought I'd try one of these 'unusual' trendy new milks that are around - soy, almond, coconut...y'know the sort of thing. Well, I don't know what a magnesia is, but it made my cornflakes taste bloody awful....

Chromosomes explained. XX = Female. XY = Male. YYY = Delilah

Richard Gere's father, Gottler, was a famous Norwegian ventriloquist.

Feeling down? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-us-canada-66037455

Just back from our TV repairman's wedding. The reception was superb.

You say that, but a friend's work colleague actually commented that it was "probably another Bermuda Triangle mystery". The mind boggles.

A circus couple are keen to adopt a child and are interviewed by a Social Worker from the adoption agency, who expresses some doubt about the kind of living environment the child might have. The couple show her photos of their beautifully appointed 50 foot motorhome - complete with nursery! - and she's impressed. "What about the child's education?" she asks. The couple tell her they've engaged a private tutor, qualified to give the child the best grounding in all the basic educational needs, and is even fluent in French and Mandarin. "And who will take care of the child while you're both working?" asks the Social Worker.... They tell her they've also engaged a Nanny, a state registered nurse who is also a dietician to look after the child's health and welfare. "That's wonderful!" says the Social Worker. "Now, what age of child are you looking to adopt?" The husband says, "Oh, we're not fussy. Just as long as the kid fits in the cannon."

Out of interest, the site security boys also detained the woman with the hosepipe....

"Hey, Doc! Y'know that pile ointment you prescribed me earlier today? Well, I've tried some, and have to say that I had a very adverse reaction!" "I'm sorry to hear that....are you sure you read the read the pamphlet I gave you? Where did you apply it?" "On the bus....."

...that she was funny? Even the advert for a new series is her just screaming in a stupid voice.

Are glass coffins going to catch on, do y'think? Remains to be seen....

I absolutely hate Russian dolls. They're just so full of themselves.

According to the BBC site, the bike was a pre-16th birthday present - from his parents? Four and half grand, some of the bike models, and capable of speeds up to around 45mph. Some present.... Would not his parents therefore take some of the blame for the deaths?

I used DB cleaning services a few weeks ago - 07971 880624. Turned up on time, did a great job considering the icy weather at the time. Had a problem with one area being iced up, but came back to finish the job when the weather improved. About £125.

I remember being told at school that people from Barnsley should be excellent at learning French because of their really hard vowels....

A pal has just sent me this one which amused me.... After a gruelling two-hour car chase, the paparazzi finally managed to lose Harry and Migraine....

Y'know, I still remember my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket.... "How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?"

Well, well.... It was 18 years ago to the day when Tom ran out of the room and shouted "It's a boy! It's a boy!" We never went to Thailand ever again....

Read some new research this morning - courtesy of A-Plan Insurance - which shows Sheffield is the 5th cheapest city in England, and 7th in the UK - to own and run a car. They calculated the average price of fuel, car insurance, parking and charges for an MOT across the country and their results are above. Think yourself lucky you don't live/drive in London, Brighton or Winchester! They're at the other end of the scale!

A bloke walks into a pub and sits at the bar. He puts a travel bag on the bar top and asks the barman to be careful not to move it. 'Why, what's in it?' asks the barman. The bloke opens the bag and takes out a miniature grand piano and places it on the bar top. The he holds open the bag and out steps a tiny chap, about a foot tall and looking very smart in tails. The little feller sits at the piano and proceeds to give a marvellous recital of Mozart. The bartender is amazed and asks where he got him from. The man reaches into the bag again and pulled out an old brass lamp which he tells the barman he'd found washed up on the beach. "Go on," he says to the barman. "Give it a rub." The barman rubs the lamp, a genie appears and offers to grant him a wish, so the barman asks for a million bucks. The genie waves his hand and disappears in a puff of smoke back into the bottle. Minutes later, the door bursts open and a duck walks in, followed by another, then another. Soon the bar is filled with ducks. "I think your genie is a bit deaf!" says the barman. "I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!" "Of course he's flamin' deaf!" says the bloke. "You don't think I asked for a twelve inch pianist, do you?!"

A few years ago there was a claim that certain "bad" news was deliberately timed to be announced behind some "good". Is this another case? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-65484552

The old mountain man arrives in town after six months alone hunting in the hills. He ties his mule to the hitching rail and walks into the saloon. The place is empty except for the bartender who is polishing glasses. "Give me a shot of red eye," he says to the bartender, and swiftly necks his drink. Looking around, he asks where all the saloon girls are as he ... erm.... has an itch he'd like to scratch. "Sorry chief," says the bartender. "The boys from the local ranch rode in a couple of hours ago and took them all off to the ranch for a BBQ." He paused for a moment, and then added. "Mind you, there's Old Joe - the town drunk - passed out in the alley out back if your interested." The mountain man shakes his head. "No, I'm not like that! Just give me another shot of whisky...." After a few more shots of rough stuff he speaks to the bartender. "You must have at least one saloon girl left. Old... fat... ugly... I don't mind." "Nothing," says the bartender shaking his head. "I told you, there's only Old Joe out the back." "No, no! I told you, I'm not like that!" says the old hunter. But after a few more shots of scotch, he feels his itch getting stronger, so speaks again to the bartender... "Look.... erm.. I'm not like that really but if I was to go with Old Joe, who would know about it?" The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there'd just be the seven of us." 'Seven?!' exclaims the hunter, looking around the empty bar. "How do you make that out?" "Well," says the bartender, "there'd be you, me and Old Joe of course. Then the four blokes to hold him down because Old Joe's not like that either."

Police have today confirmed that the employee who fell from the 18th storey nightclub wasn't a bouncer.

Y'know, you should never really listen to advice if offered by the "wrong" person. Take Beethoven, for example. When he was growing up, everybody said that he'd never "make it" as a musician, just because he was deaf. He didn't listen....

I went to an Inuit restaurant last time I was in Canada. "It'll be quicker if I read out the menu to you", said the waiter. "We have whale meat steaks, whale meat curry, whale meat stir-fry and of course we have the Vera Lynn.....! "Vera Lynn?" I enquired. "What's that, then?" "Whale meat again...."