What's Your Favourite Pet.

[Padders 2,881]

Last Saturday I posted an article about mans best friend, this was prompted by my sister-in-law's designer dog which in eight weeks has grown to the size of a garden shed, and is now costing £2 million a minute in food and satellite-tracking devices..Small wonder then that I concluded that the people of Britain are now replacing their dogs with pet fish..

The thing is though, that ever since I wrote that, it's been bugging me, sure, I can understand that a dog is jolly expensive, but replacing it with a fish is like replacing your house with a tent.

When I was a child we had two, and they were utterly, utterly useless.. They don't come when they are called, they don't bark at strangers, they won't fetch sticks, they're not cute and, being fairground gold-fish, I'm fairly sure they wouldn't taste nice either, honestly, it would be more rewarding to own a pet rock.

 

And don't think things improve if you move up the evolutionary scale and go for Koi Carp.

My dad did that, and he'd spend many happy hours watching them gliding around our garden pond gorging on the psoriasis flakes that fish call food..

Then one Christmas, my mother bought him half a dozen "Ghost Koi" which looked very splendid in the the tank at the pet shop..

Unfortunately, in my dads pond we learnt why they are called "ghost" fish. It's because they are completely invisible, and what's the point of having a pet you cant see?

Sadly, I also discovered that in the fish world they are the SAS among carp, approaching their pray silently and killing without pity or remorse, so within a day, all my dad's beloved orange fish were upside down on the surface, leaving him with a pond full of nothing at all.

My advice, then, is simple..

If you want a fish, get from the chip shop, if you want a pet, look elsewhere.

 

Happily, I'm able to give you a few pointers, my dad had pets, I've had pets, and my children had pets, so between us, we have owned, loved and inadvertently killed nearly every animal on the planet.

And one other little thing, never name a brace of animals after a famous pairing.

I did this as a child, and after Gilbert and Squeak died, I ended up with Bubble and Sullivan.

 

I became so fed up with all my pets dying, that I eventually bought a Tortoise, which came with a hardened shell and a life expectancy of 2000 years. Sadly, however, and for reasons I don't fully understand, given that they have a top speed of one mile a year, it managed to escape into a field of wheat that was being harvested.

And even to this very day, I can't eat Rice Krispies without fear and trepidation.

 

This endless cycle of life and death taught me a great deal about the ways of nature and I was keen that my two children should be similarly educated, so I bought them each a cute little guinea pig.

Just a week later, however, I came home to find them gone and a fox-sized hole in their cage. I should have told them the truth, that they'd been torn apart for fun, but I didn't have the heart.. So I invented a pathetic story about how they'd escaped and gone to live near a stream in the sunshine, with some water voles, I was always frightened that one day, when they are playing hide and seek, there will be a shriek as one of the children find a severed head, and, in doing so, expose my sunshine and water vole story as one big lie.

I wouldn't have minded, cus I loathe guinea pigs unless there on a spit..

And rabbits. Rodents of this type are just fish with fur, they're utterly, utterly useless too..

 

One of the best pets I'd like to own is a Skegness Donkey.

Unlike horse's which break down all the time, lose their shoes, and are frightened by puddles, and plastic bags, Donkeys are totally reliable in all weathers, they give kiddies a ride on their backs, they come when you call them, and they Hee-Haw when they see a burglar..

Mind you, having said that, there are some drawbacks compared to dogs.

If, for instance, you invite them inside to sit by the fire on a cold winter evening, they do take up a lot of space and, of course they can't be house trained.

 

So what would I recommend with my wealth of experience in the animal kingdom?

Well, not a cat, obviously- despicable animals, the four legged equivalent of a footballers wife: pretty, well groomed and clean, fundamentally, only after your money.

You want something that loves you, something scary for thieves, something that doesn't make much mess and something, above all, which cost's almost nothing to buy and run.

Well, how about a Rat?

Rats get a lot of bad press, sure, they did kill half the worlds population once, but it wasn't their fault, it was the fleas that lived on their backs and it was a long time ago.

Todays rats are very intelligent, they can be taught to respond to their name, they will clean up after themselves, and most of all they will be very loving..

So there you have it, my favourite pet would be a Rat.. What's yours?

 

 

 

[PRESLEY 1,232]

I like most animals but  I stay away from Raving  Mad Parrots. 

[*Wallace* 333]

 Not sure about cleaning up after themselves they pee as the walk and poo where they want don't they ? Having said that fancy rats are quite endearing creatures.

[Rockers rule 673]

1 hour ago, *Wallace* said:

 Not sure about cleaning up after themselves they pee as the walk and poo where they want don't they ? Having said that fancy rats are quite endearing creatures.

'As the walk' 

SF, None edit facility strikes again 

 

Forget having Rats as pets 🐭

Adopt an old person 👴 👵 ♥️

they do much the same thing 

[pattricia 582]

Favourite pet ? George Clooney ! He’s tied up in my cellar ! 

[*Wallace* 333]

45 minutes ago, Rockers rule said:

'As the walk' 

SF, None edit facility strikes again 

 

Forget having Rats as pets 🐭

Adopt an old person 👴 👵 ♥️

they do much the same thing 

Yes I saw the Y was missing as soon as I I posted but it's already too late I just don't get the no edit thing.

[francypants 445]

Definitely a cat.    ❤️  ❤️  ❤️

[Al Bundy 1,577]

Without doubt after years and years of having different pets, a cat is my favourite.

 

Do as they please, not needy like dogs, love a cuddle and you can pop off for a few days on holiday without worrying about them.

 

Mine is currently stretched out in front of the fire purring away.

[gaz678 107]

Pet mastiff keep outsiders at bay ...my pit bull would open door and make them welcome...

[Rockers rule 673]

1 hour ago, *Wallace* said:

Yes I saw the Y was missing as soon as I I posted but it's already too late I just don't get the no edit thing.

& the phantom 'None edit facility' strikes again 😀.

He really is so unforgiving ☹️

 

 

 

[*Wallace* 333]

40 minutes ago, Rockers rule said:

& the phantom 'None edit facility' strikes again 😀.

He really is so unforgiving ☹️

 

 

 

Yes it’s worse on my phone the screen is so small and the keyboard takes up 3 quarters of the screen it’s a real pister 

 

intentional 😂

[BigPP 99]

I've always fancied owning a hippopotamus.