Good Nature Abused by Family Member?

[the currs 10]

at what point do I eventually say no, and how do I build up the courage to do so, I feel im been abused by a member of my family, they use the term to make me what i feel guilty, oh your family etc, I need you help can you take me here take me there, lend me this lend me that, but recently ive put myself in the **** to help this person temporarily financially till they get paid, but then they conveniently dont get paid, and i dont even get so much as a sorry or explanation as to when i will get the cash back...

 

I really dont know what to do, they are putting me in a very difficult position, I dont want to let family down but its driving a bigger problem at home and especially in my pocket. im on a low wage as it is have my own bills and debts to pay and cant afford to just keep donating money to their pockets. Ive actually gone without things this weekend due to lending them something for two days last wednesday which i still havent got back on sunday night.

 

I truly have had enough now, Ive even contemplated going to small claims as this debt has slowly built up over two months now, and had no sign of even a small payment back to it... but i havnt done so because its family....

[Eater Sundae 12]

Next time they ask, just say you're sorry but you cannot afford to help. You may want to tell them that you have already suffered by trying to help them, but it may be better just to say you cannot afford it. If you try and explain your problem any more deeply you end up trying to justify why you cannot help them, and you may be open to persuasion to still help them. The less reason you can give them, the better, otherwise you finish up on the defensive, having to justify yourself and it will make you feel worse. Obviously you find it hard to say no, and it makes you feel bad. I think the less explanation you can give, the better, hard though it is.

 

Although you may be in the right, I think you would feel even more guilty if you went to court over the money owed. You might be better just accepting you have lost that money.

 

Good luck.

[Mr Gobby 10]

You need to grow a pair and tell the relative point blank you want your cash back within

a week, don't take any excuses, show them you mean business if they don't like it tough.

[Halibut 12]

Next time they ask, just say you're sorry but you cannot afford to help. You may want to tell them that you have already suffered by trying to help them, but it may be better just to say you cannot afford it. If you try and explain your problem any more deeply you end up trying to justify why you cannot help them, and you may be open to persuasion to still help them. The less reason you can give them, the better, otherwise you finish up on the defensive, having to justify yourself and it will make you feel worse. Obviously you find it hard to say no, and it makes you feel bad. I think the less explanation you can give, the better, hard though it is.

 

Although you may be in the right, I think you would feel even more guilty if you went to court over the money owed. You might be better just accepting you have lost that money.

 

Good luck.

 

Sound advice.

[teenyweeny 10]

i have the same problem today with my 20 yr old daughter whos just finished uni..she expects me to keep her etc until she finds a job..im on a low income myself..people do not understand when you tell them you are financially stretched.sympathy to the op i know truly how you feel.

[the currs 10]

Next time they ask, just say you're sorry but you cannot afford to help. You may want to tell them that you have already suffered by trying to help them, but it may be better just to say you cannot afford it. If you try and explain your problem any more deeply you end up trying to justify why you cannot help them, and you may be open to persuasion to still help them. The less reason you can give them, the better, otherwise you finish up on the defensive, having to justify yourself and it will make you feel worse. Obviously you find it hard to say no, and it makes you feel bad. I think the less explanation you can give, the better, hard though it is.

 

Although you may be in the right, I think you would feel even more guilty if you went to court over the money owed. You might be better just accepting you have lost that money.

 

Good luck.

 

thankyou, very good advice, and your right last time they asked i explained that they already owe me and they guilt tripped me into family this and get it back in two days and i have no electric etc, and then they spent it on illegals anyway, so it wasnt even urgent, obv i also feel cheated that im lending money for an illicit purpose.

[the currs 10]

i feel like im been deprived of my own money that i should have for what i need and want so someone else can have it with no intention of giving it back, i mean i could be wrong and there could be a genuine reason every time they say a date ill get it back that i dont, i always give benefit of the doubt, but in the last four days ive had 3 days that im getting back and a different excuse every day, and i find it hard to believe as its been ongoing now for nearly two months that they havent had a single pound to contribute to their debt in this time. or even an appology

[xfox3x 10]

Next time they pull the 'family' bit tell them that YOU are also THEIR family and they are crippling you financially, so they should just pay you what they owe.

Just because they are family doesn't mean that they are your responsibility.

[teenyweeny 10]

next time they want to borrow just say you are broke and hope they get the message.you may have to forego what they owe you if they dont give you the remaining they owe,but at least they wont keep tapping you for extra cash.

[DeathAxe 10]

Tell them that family doesn't just mean blood. It means respect.

[Becky B 31]

i feel like im been deprived of my own money that i should have for what i need and want so someone else can have it with no intention of giving it back, i mean i could be wrong and there could be a genuine reason every time they say a date ill get it back that i dont, i always give benefit of the doubt, but in the last four days ive had 3 days that im getting back and a different excuse every day, and i find it hard to believe as its been ongoing now for nearly two months that they havent had a single pound to contribute to their debt in this time. or even an appology

 

If they keep saying they'll give it back and don't, tell them that, and say that's why you won't lend them any more!

 

Or say you can't lend them any money as they've taken it all already...

[OOmpa 10]

What's up with you are you soft and what's family got to do with any of it ? Just tell them you won't lend them any more money and that's an end to it, not exactly hard to do is it:confused: You can ask them to repay the monies owed but you may have to accept they won't pay it back.