When your parents grow old and frail

[woolyumgrund 10]

i phoned my mum this morning and she told me that my younger brother refused to drive her to the hospital so that she could visit my dad who is in his late 70s and is very ill with diabetes.

my mum is also diabetic and only recently came out of hospital having lost 3 toes because they went gangrene after she got an infection in her foot that didnt heal because of her diabetes.

she can barely walk...let allow hold a cup to drink water without it spilling down her front.

it is heart breaking to see.

just before christmas last year i went to stay with her(i'm her eldest son) and i was staying in my former bedroom upstairs and i heard my mum struggling to walk up the stairs with her bad foot so i got out of bed and went out into the hallway...it turns out that if i had not come out of the bedroom she would have fell backwards down the stairs and that would have been the end for her...i managed to grab her just in time as she slipped back and i carried her back to her bedroom.

i was shaking because i realised how close she had been to falling down the stairs.

anyway when my mum told me this morning that my younger brother had arrogantly refused to drive her to the hospital but chose to drive his girlfriend home instead

i was incensed:mad:

it saddened me that he could be so selfish to his own mother who is now in such poor health and all she asked him was to give her a lift to the hospital so she could visit her frail and poorly husband(our dad)

apparently he flared up at her saying i'm not taking you!

she told me she cannot afford paying for cabs each time because its so expensive...a few trips there and back and your looking at at least 50-60 pounds and thats alot for a pensioner who is in poor health with a husband laid up ill in hospital.

it made me think that it is a sign of the times that people are very selfish and dont care about anyone except themselves

and when you try to reason with them they flare up at you and refuse listen.

very sad:(

has anyone else experienced barefaced selfishness within your own family?

[depoix 11]

i have a brother who was exactly the same ,sadly my parents have now passed away but he hasnt once in 11 years even visited the graveside

[Plain Talker 11]

MY bro in law was hospitalised the other week... they transferred him from the Northern Gen to the Hallamshire. He asked my sis in law (about whom I've grumbled on here before) to phone my ex hubby up to tell him that he was being moved. she didn't.

 

Ex hub trailed up, for visiting hours, to the Northern Gen - the day after - to find that he'd been moved. The day AFTER!!! (note, I make it a policy that I don't, and won't speak to sis in law. Except, perhaps, if Doris Stokes stepped into the breach. I might make an exception, then...?)

[foxforcefive 10]

My mum mentioned she's made a living will stating she wants to be homed should she be unable to care for herself, I think it comes from her looking after my grandma full time for 4 years whilst she suffered with alzheimers (even though it was my mums choice to do so). Although I can see her reasoning, I also think it would be nice to have a choice to care for her should we so wish.

[YouFo666 10]

i have a brother who was exactly the same ,sadly my parents have now passed away but he hasnt once in 11 years even visited the graveside

 

Cough Cough .... I'v got a Fatha that doesn't get older in the head (still just approaching 30) but his body is giving him a slap or two He is well loved and looked after though

[Agent Orange 11]

Fortunately, I only have the one parent to contend with and I would be more than happy to help out when she gets old and frail. Afterall, I looked after my grandmother and spent many a hour with her in hospital so I would like to think that I am well practiced.

[Mister M 1,626]

Yes I could go on all night about the sheer selfishness of my sister. Although she has been plagued by alcohol & mental health problems this last 4 years, her behaviour toward the family is disgusting.

 

I've never particularly liked my sister but upto 4 years ago I repected her - although being my sister I'll always love her. If that makes sense?

 

Families....

[rubydazzler 11]

It certainly sounds bad, but sometimes elderly people tell you a slightly different story when you hear the other side. Did you manage to take her, then?

 

It's a problem with people living too long these days, but luckily both my parents died young so I'm never going to have these problems. I'm hoping to shuffle off this mortal coil before I become a source of annoyance and worry for anyone.

 

Brompton Cocktail, anyone?

[YouFo666 10]

Yes I could go on all night about the sheer selfishness of my sister. Although she has been plagued by alcohol & mental health problems this last 4 years, her behaviour toward the family is disgusting.

 

I've never particularly liked my sister but upto 4 years ago I repected her - although being my sister I'll always love her. If that makes sense?

 

Families....

 

Nowt that cannot be sorted with a bit of love and being there for a safety net when she need's it. The complexities of life lead us all in different path's some of which we like and feel comfortable and safe and warm in, then there's the feeling that everything is going to cave in and everything is an issue against your will. Get her on your side of the fence by gaining her trust and respect.. then get her proffesional help.. As long as the kid's know she is ill and not a threat to them.. Sorry being presumptions about kid's..

Edited May 26, 2010 by YouFo666

[sycamore66j 10]

about 15 years ago my dad was in NGH for a hip replacement but due to complications he was in for nearly 3 months. not once in the first 2 months did my younger brother visit his dad, and he only lived at treeton at that time. all he ever said was, he was too busy. In the end i got that annoyed i rang him and threatened to beat the crap out of him if he didn,t make the effort. sure enough the next day he visited dad, who was really pleased to see him. sadly though he still lives locally and only makes contact once a month, if that.

Edited May 26, 2010 by sycamore66j
bad seling

[Strix 11]

When my father grows old and frail, presumably I won't know about it, as he has been too busy with his 'pot washer from Armthorpe' (as he's referred to her in the past ) to bother with any of is family other than being aggressively abusive towards my mother

 

Unfortunately, this behaviour has taken its toll on my mother, who has opted to live with my single sister instead of with me and Mr Strix. Even when my mum comes to stay for a few days to help out with her new grandchild, my sister isn't best pleased about it

 

I give up. They didn't used to be this selfish... or did I just not notice before?

[Fareast 10]

The title of this thread seemed like the beginning of a poem. Is it ?

 

When your parents grow old and frail,

No more smoking, no more ale,

Wheel them down to the local park,

But, careful, don 't go, after dark !

 

But take them there on sunny days,

Watch the romance, straight and gay,

Your old folks will be surprised,

A sparkle in their rheumy eyes ?

 

' There were nowt like that in my young days,

None o' these muggers, very few gays,

' Course, things did 'appen, outta sight,

Usually, very late at night. '

 

' Yes, ' pipes up, grandma, full of vim,

' It wasn 't always ' Her & Him ',

I had a girl friend at my school,

And sometimes...whoops....I am a fool

 

............Telling secrets out of school ! '

 

' Shhh, ' warns grandpa, ' tell 'em nowt,

The young 'uns get so overwrought,

They think we didn 't have any fun,

If they knew what we have done !

 

Most things under the sun.........'