Binge Drinking Is Good For You.

[Padders 2,890]

Who are they? the people who decide how we should live our lives. 

The busybodies who say that we can't smoke foxes or smack our children.. the nitwits who say that we should have a new bank holiday to celebrate traffic wardens and social workers.

Where do they meet?

Who pays their wages?

And how do they get their hare-brained schemes onto the statute books?

Honestly? I haven't a clue...But I do know this. It's obvious they like to target people who drink alcohol- i.e. everyone over the age of eight.

 

Over the years they tell us we can't drive a car if we've had wine and and women should avoid alcohol if their pregnant. Fair enough, but now they seem to be saying that all people must stay clear of all drinks, always.

They tell young people that they must stop drinking while on a night out, in case they are stabbed or end up having sex with a pretty girl, and they tell us old ones who think its acceptable to enjoy a bottle of wine with their supper, that we are clogging up hospital wards that could otherwise be used to treat injured foxes.

 

We are told that alcohol rots your liver, makes you impotent, gives you stomach ulcers and turns your skin into something that looks like a used condom.

They will show you photographs of a stick-thin man with a massive stomach who had died at the age of 36 because he'd had too many sherry trifles.

The BBC says that if you drink to much your brain stem will break and you will die!

The British government tells us that if a man drinks more than two glasses of white wine a day he will catch chlamydia from the "Padders Bar" barmaid, Rubbish! If a man drinks two small glasses of wine everyday it's the "Padders Bar" barman he needs to worry about.

 

Well what about me?

What I love most of all is binge drinking, really getting stuck in.

Hosing down the cocktails until the room begins to swim and my legs seem to be on backwards.

I love the recklessness and freedom, massive quantities of alcohol unlock the shackles, and in the morning you can share your pain with a bunch of similarly afflicted friends.

Normal pain, such as an eye disease or toothache, is a lonely and solitary pursuit, but a group hangover is a problem shared and that seems to bring out the best in us.

Everyone's in it together, and a problem shared is a problem pared.

 

Of course, the trouble these days is that the binge drinking that is necessary to produce collective hardship is a complete no-no.

They say that if you go out and get blasted you'll die in a puddle of blood and vomit down a back alley long before you get the chance to catch chlamydia from the "Padders Bar" barman..

Happily, this is all rubbish,

I'm going on holiday this year to Spain, and I've calculated that I will drink 55 units of alcohol each day, I'll start at 11-o-clock with a beer, and because it's so hot will carry on drinking all day, In fact I will drink enough to irrigate the entire Sahara desert.

And at night I will guzzle wine and mojitos until I fall over somewhere and sleep.

Am I now dead? No, in fact, because I drank so much I will be more relaxed, I'll find my way back to the hotel feeling fresher....

 

So there you have it, serious binge drinking is not only a nice thing to do and jolly good fun, but also-and here's something that you won't hear from the mongers of doom, It's good for you.

My handy tip this morning, Leave us normal people who do normal things alone!

 

[*Wallace* 333]

Well that’s good to know I’ve been told this morning I’m going to die because I use coffee whitener in my coffee it’s ultra processed you know and choc full of hydrogenated fats or summat.

[hackey lad 3,995]

17 minutes ago, *Wallace* said:

Well that’s good to know I’ve been told this morning I’m going to die because I use coffee whitener in my coffee it’s ultra processed you know and choc full of hydrogenated fats or summat.

Sorry to hear that mate . How long have you got ?

[*Wallace* 333]

14 minutes ago, hackey lad said:

Sorry to hear that mate . How long have you got ?

They didn’t say pal but they were adamant it wasn’t good.

[Delbow 708]

Beautiful OP, thank you Padders.

 

At present, I find becoming drunk more enjoyable than being drunk, but perhaps with your  tutelage I can push through to new vistas.

Edited February 27 by Delbow

[pattricia 582]

There is a difference between binge drinking and being an alcoholic. I nursed alcoholics in hospital and it does affect your liver. The trouble is you don’t feel the damage until it’s too late.

[bassett one 453]

well i think i will try 8 pints where ever i go and see what happens ,plus the  a big burger onions, fries ketchup and then on to padders bar for 6 more then off to the local for another 6 and off to bed ,might have a whiskey irish of course to clear the head , then full english again and off to the pub ,most days its fine ,sometimes a bit blurry due to padders bar buy one get 6 free , i am a bit heavy ,been measured up by padders hope that was not for a coffin? ,but apart from that and the stress of the festival i am okay

[Padders 2,890]

1 hour ago, pattricia said:

There is a difference between binge drinking and being an alcoholic. I nursed alcoholics in hospital and it does affect your liver. The trouble is you don’t feel the damage until it’s too late.

Your quite correct Pat,

Just to clear up any confusion, I'm not advocating becoming a alcoholic, I can go weeks, even months without a drink.

But nothing beats a jolly old binge.

You see, the point of binge drinking is that you drink and then you stop drinking, and this is the key.

The real problem is when you drink-and keep on drinking, this is known as alcoholism and that, so far as I can tell, is the worst thing in the world.

There is nothing quite so pitiable and wretched as an alcoholic, I know plenty of people who take drugs, drive too fast and kill foxes, and they're all good company. But honestly, I would rather serve time in a Turkish prison than spend time with a alcoholic....

They ramble, they fall over, they think they are 10 times more interesting than is actually the case-and if they get the slightest inkling that you disapprove or are bored a great many become aggressive.

 

These are the people whom the busybodies should be concentrating on, not with stern words and dire warnings, neither of which will make the slightest difference.

Telling me that I'm a alcoholic because I binge drink on holiday and share a bottle of wine over supper every night is the same as persecuting everyone who breaks the speed limit, we need to make a distinction between someone doing 32 mph and someone doing 175mph.

Forget about the people who drink for fun, and only worry about them that drink to live.

Keep safe, and carry on bingeing.

[bassett one 453]

10 minutes ago, Padders said:

Your quite correct Pat,

Just to clear up any confusion, I'm not advocating becoming a alcoholic, I can go weeks, even months without a drink.

But nothing beats a jolly old binge.

You see, the point of binge drinking is that you drink and then you stop drinking, and this is the key.

The real problem is when you drink-and keep on drinking, this is known as alcoholism and that, so far as I can tell, is the worst thing in the world.

There is nothing quite so pitiable and wretched as an alcoholic, I know plenty of people who take drugs, drive too fast and kill foxes, and they're all good company. But honestly, I would rather serve time in a Turkish prison than spend time with a alcoholic....

They ramble, they fall over, they think they are 10 times more interesting than is actually the case-and if they get the slightest inkling that you disapprove or are bored a great many become aggressive.

 

These are the people whom the busybodies should be concentrating on, not with stern words and dire warnings, neither of which will make the slightest difference.

Telling me that I'm a alcoholic because I binge drink on holiday and share a bottle of wine over supper every night is the same as persecuting everyone who breaks the speed limit, we need to make a distinction between someone doing 32 mph and someone doing 175mph.

Forget about the people who drink for fun, and only worry about them that drink to live.

Keep safe, and carry on bingeing.

can i put down my binge drinking down to washing down the burger ect and the stress levels of the festival? doctor padders please its not my fault honest

[Padders 2,890]

4 hours ago, bassett one said:

 i am a bit heavy ,been measured up by padders hope that was not for a coffin? ,but apart from that and the stress of the festival i am okay

You have mentioned me measuring you up a few times, so can I just clarify to our readers what actually happened....

 The tale of "MR BASSETT AND THE TAPE MEASURE"

 

Now 2 years ago I decided to visit the Low Edges Festival.

I really would have liked to meet Mr. Bassett, so I asked him to describe himself.

In true Bassett style he told me he was 5 feet 7 and a half inches...

Not a lot to go on, so I had to use my investigation skills to find him...

So I arrived at the festival one Sunday morning, armed with my Stanley retractable tape measure...

When I arrived, the place was heaving, I measured a few people up, and no one was 5 foot 7 and a half.

I thought this is impossible, so put plan B into operation.

 

This involved staking out the many Burger Bars there.

Knowing Mr. Bassett's love of Burgers, I reckoned I was looking for a rather rotund chap stuffing his face with a giant burger.

After a few unsuccessful attempts with my tape, I spotted a "Toby Jug" look alike fellow licking the tomato ketchup from his lips..

I crept up behind him, got out my trusty tape measure, BINGO!  5 feet 7 and a half.

This came as quite a shock to Mr. B. as he thought he was going to spend the afternoon with the local undertaker.

Mind you he was determined not to go lightly, if he was going, he made sure the burger was going with him.

I've never seen a burger disappear so quickly.

Mission accomplished.

What I didn't realize was when Mr. B. told me he was 5 foot 7 and a half inches, he meant his waist size?

A smashing bloke and a pleasure to meet him...........

 

 

[hackey lad 3,995]

8 hours ago, Padders said:

Who are they? the people who decide how we should live our lives. 

The busybodies who say that we can't smoke foxes or smack our children.. the nitwits who say that we should have a new bank holiday to celebrate traffic wardens and social workers.

Where do they meet?

Who pays their wages?

And how do they get their hare-brained schemes onto the statute books?

Honestly? I haven't a clue...But I do know this. It's obvious they like to target people who drink alcohol- i.e. everyone over the age of eight.

 

Over the years they tell us we can't drive a car if we've had wine and and women should avoid alcohol if their pregnant. Fair enough, but now they seem to be saying that all people must stay clear of all drinks, always.

They tell young people that they must stop drinking while on a night out, in case they are stabbed or end up having sex with a pretty girl, and they tell us old ones who think its acceptable to enjoy a bottle of wine with their supper, that we are clogging up hospital wards that could otherwise be used to treat injured foxes.

 

We are told that alcohol rots your liver, makes you impotent, gives you stomach ulcers and turns your skin into something that looks like a used condom.

They will show you photographs of a stick-thin man with a massive stomach who had died at the age of 36 because he'd had too many sherry trifles.

The BBC says that if you drink to much your brain stem will break and you will die!

The British government tells us that if a man drinks more than two glasses of white wine a day he will catch chlamydia from the "Padders Bar" barmaid, Rubbish! If a man drinks two small glasses of wine everyday it's the "Padders Bar" barman he needs to worry about.

 

Well what about me?

What I love most of all is binge drinking, really getting stuck in.

Hosing down the cocktails until the room begins to swim and my legs seem to be on backwards.

I love the recklessness and freedom, massive quantities of alcohol unlock the shackles, and in the morning you can share your pain with a bunch of similarly afflicted friends.

Normal pain, such as an eye disease or toothache, is a lonely and solitary pursuit, but a group hangover is a problem shared and that seems to bring out the best in us.

Everyone's in it together, and a problem shared is a problem pared.

 

Of course, the trouble these days is that the binge drinking that is necessary to produce collective hardship is a complete no-no.

They say that if you go out and get blasted you'll die in a puddle of blood and vomit down a back alley long before you get the chance to catch chlamydia from the "Padders Bar" barman..

Happily, this is all rubbish,

I'm going on holiday this year to Spain, and I've calculated that I will drink 55 units of alcohol each day, I'll start at 11-o-clock with a beer, and because it's so hot will carry on drinking all day, In fact I will drink enough to irrigate the entire Sahara desert.

And at night I will guzzle wine and mojitos until I fall over somewhere and sleep.

Am I now dead? No, in fact, because I drank so much I will be more relaxed, I'll find my way back to the hotel feeling fresher....

 

So there you have it, serious binge drinking is not only a nice thing to do and jolly good fun, but also-and here's something that you won't hear from the mongers of doom, It's good for you.

My handy tip this morning, Leave us normal people who do normal things alone!

 

Pisspot .

[bassett one 453]

2 hours ago, Padders said:

You have mentioned me measuring you up a few times, so can I just clarify to our readers what actually happened....

 The tale of "MR BASSETT AND THE TAPE MEASURE"

 

Now 2 years ago I decided to visit the Low Edges Festival.

I really would have liked to meet Mr. Bassett, so I asked him to describe himself.

In true Bassett style he told me he was 5 feet 7 and a half inches...

Not a lot to go on, so I had to use my investigation skills to find him...

So I arrived at the festival one Sunday morning, armed with my Stanley retractable tape measure...

When I arrived, the place was heaving, I measured a few people up, and no one was 5 foot 7 and a half.

I thought this is impossible, so put plan B into operation.

 

This involved staking out the many Burger Bars there.

Knowing Mr. Bassett's love of Burgers, I reckoned I was looking for a rather rotund chap stuffing his face with a giant burger.

After a few unsuccessful attempts with my tape, I spotted a "Toby Jug" look alike fellow licking the tomato ketchup from his lips..

I crept up behind him, got out my trusty tape measure, BINGO!  5 feet 7 and a half.

This came as quite a shock to Mr. B. as he thought he was going to spend the afternoon with the local undertaker.

Mind you he was determined not to go lightly, if he was going, he made sure the burger was going with him.

I've never seen a burger disappear so quickly.

Mission accomplished.

What I didn't realize was when Mr. B. told me he was 5 foot 7 and a half inches, he meant his waist size?

A smashing bloke and a pleasure to meet him...........

 

 

hope we can meet again, some sunny day next to a burger bar and beer tent on the other side