Are Lonely Hearts Happy?

[Guest]

Way to over-generalise about single people there BEDROCK. I guess you need to look at yourself and why you feel you need someone to complete yourself.

 

salsafan talking rubbish, if you think single people can't be happy you live a very deluded and narrow-minded life.

[El Cid]

 

but I believe that you shouldn't depend on others to be happy. Maybe I am strange, but it works for me

 

Surely you ALWAYS depend on someone. That could be the tax payer, grand parents or family.

It has always been the case that a two parent families work best, in all animals.

[salsafan]

Surely you ALWAYS depend on someone. That could be the tax payer, grand parents or family.

It has always been the case that a two parent families work best, in all animals.

 

People do not like to show emotions, feelings and empathy, that is why. "Stiff upper lips" rule still applies. It explains why this country is so screwed up.

 

No man is an island, this is true. We anchor ourselves to something, whether one decides to acknowledge this or not. We seem to have tunnel vision, and think that we do not need others but we do.

[onewheeldave]

 

Are lonely hearts people happy ? No ! lol. Of course not, they just put on a brave face and don't let them fool you in thinking so. I have been there myself too, and friends have also commented on me, and how I used to be so happy, but I chase the wrong guy. The ones that had my interests at heart, I never used to see. Or that I get so distracted and not focus on one guy. I used to say "no, we are friends", but actually, I am sure that my evil angel on my shoulder whispered that in my ears too.

 

 

Not sure what you're saying here- if you're saying that single people are all unhappy and "they just put on a brave face and don't let them fool you in thinking so", then it realy is rubbish, as many single people are not only happy being single, but actually prefer it.

 

Of course, by using the term 'lonely hearts' , which is a highly loaded phrase, you may be refering to that subset of 'single people' who can't deal emotionally with being single; in which case you've stated a tautological truth, but, you surely realise that not all single people are 'lonely hearts'?

 

Another factor of course, is that some people are statistically likely to remain single all their lives, whether due to being by nature somewhat unsociable, emotional issues or other circumstances- so, for the sake of those people, it'd better be possible to be single and happy

 

And, of course, it is- being in a relationship comes with many negatives, as well as positives- for some people, those negatives outweigh the posities and they chose to be single.

[BEDROCK]

I have been to counselling and done a range of activities.

 

I am currently involved with social cafes and am enrolling in courses at college relating to mental health.

 

During all this I go out, meet people on regular basis and try and do things out of my comfort zone.

 

I attend many classes that involve mingling and am a digital champion for social cafes as well.

 

I have done a load of volunteer work over the years and gone out to of my way for people.

 

I am not looking for a person to complete me, just a soul mate, someone I can confide in and depend on.

 

I know things in mental health alarm people like it is some sort of plague.

 

I will not settle for someone whom I am not attracted to physically and do not want to get bogged down with any old lass.

 

I think after the work I have been doing recently that meeting someone would be the icing on the cake, a reward for patience.

 

But like others, that corner is massive and filled with complications and sifting through the stuff takes its toll.

[spilldig]

Something sprang to mind on this. About 2 weeks ago I was watching the news and, if I remember correctly,I think it was a paper review and it went something like.

The article was about lonely people, and the person doing the review said, it's a serious thing and we should be debating it a lot more, to which the presenter replied, o'k lets move on.

[skinz]

Something sprang to mind on this. About 2 weeks ago I was watching the news and, if I remember correctly,I think it was a paper review and it went something like.

The article was about lonely people, and the person doing the review said, it's a serious thing and we should be debating it a lot more, to which the presenter replied, o'k lets move on.

 

That's what televised paper reviews do..move on, they offer only a snapshot.

 

---------- Post added 28-02-2014 at 17:38 ----------

 

I have been to counselling and done a range of activities.

 

I am currently involved with social cafes and am enrolling in courses at college relating to mental health.

 

During all this I go out, meet people on regular basis and try and do things out of my comfort zone.

 

I attend many classes that involve mingling and am a digital champion for social cafes as well.

 

I have done a load of volunteer work over the years and gone out to of my way for people.

 

I am not looking for a person to complete me, just a soul mate, someone I can confide in and depend on.

 

I know things in mental health alarm people like it is some sort of plague.

 

I will not settle for someone whom I am not attracted to physically and do not want to get bogged down with any old lass.

 

I think after the work I have been doing recently that meeting someone would be the icing on the cake, a reward for patience.

 

But like others, that corner is massive and filled with complications and sifting through the stuff takes its toll.

 

Personally I think you're looking for a crutch. Your terminology is very indicative of needy. Relationships are not built on rewards for patience, or sifting through stuff or being dependant on someone. There are those out there that want to be a crutch, but that in itself is fraught with danger as they too are most very likely have serious issues, but initially can be very attractive (I think there is a medical term for such a condition) to the equally needy.

 

Also your posts on this issue are repetitive, almost like clockwork which indicates you're not moving forward, and any advice isn't working or acted upon as the same advice is as repetitive as the previous. That's not to say the advice is unsound, it's just not having any effect. It's all very well debating the issue but if it isn't progressing you personally through well being then you really need to look at alternatives..but my guess is this advice will be repeated in a couple of weeks just like the rest of the advice.

[salsafan]

I have been to counselling and done a range of activities.

 

I am currently involved with social cafes and am enrolling in courses at college relating to mental health.

 

During all this I go out, meet people on regular basis and try and do things out of my comfort zone.

 

I attend many classes that involve mingling and am a digital champion for social cafes as well.

 

I have done a load of volunteer work over the years and gone out to of my way for people.

 

I am not looking for a person to complete me, just a soul mate, someone I can confide in and depend on.

 

I know things in mental health alarm people like it is some sort of plague.

 

I will not settle for someone whom I am not attracted to physically and do not want to get bogged down with any old lass.

 

I think after the work I have been doing recently that meeting someone would be the icing on the cake, a reward for patience.

 

But like others, that corner is massive and filled with complications and sifting through the stuff takes its toll.

Maybe you are doing too much and need to scale back down ? If you find too many things of interests and keep chasing them, without realising what your own goals and desires are, then you will forever be lost in that chase. So start writing down a list of priorities and focus and guard your boundaries well and focus on those only.

 

I started doing that, and it add so much move to my own life and the depth of emotions and connection are much stronger too!

 

Meeting someone is indeed the icing on the cake, but you forget to stop and focus on ONE person and make HER your world. You tried and made EVERYONE your world, and you gave them a piece of your heart. Which is why it feels so bad.

 

It should always be "you give me 5, I give you 5. You give me 10, I give you 10." When I think back to my 20s, and the loyalties that I gave to certain people and still did not get chosen. It was like building them up, and giving them the confidence, then only to be used and thrown back. This is not nice. People should be people. So do not give more than you receive. Users and abusers are just that. Users.

 

Even with some of the guys who I used to like, said in not so blunt and direct words that "one needs to put together priorities". I knew that it was the end for us, or any potential and any ideas. I also filtered them out of my social list altogether already. It is just right to do such things. It is clearing out that boundary and drawing it to a close, without misleading others. You are in the Sheffield of Republica. Think twice about how you want your life to be, and how you can achieve that. If you continually give yourself to those whom cannot give back in return and continue to take, then it also makes a mockery of both of your relationship too.

 

To me, I do not think that you should do counselling, even though I do probably think you will be good at it. But, consider focusing on your life and on those elements which enhances it a lot more and scale way back. Focus on those, and you will come to learn to have a deeper and more meaningful life overall. You ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy ? Go for that.

 

A very young boy mentioned this once on an internet forum and said how toxic that forum was. He said that and I quote "call me a cabbage and I shall turn into a cabbage". He switched off his account, killed it entirely, went ahead and lived his own life in real, and found friends, did things which made him feel so much better. Focused more on himself, his friends, his immediate life, and away from other people's politics, their ideas, their lives. He came bouncing back 100% !

 

The other thing is, read how you responded here, and what you wrote. Straight away, you justified yourself to these people, whom does not even know you, but judged you against their expectation that they have on themselves. It should be you judging yourself against your own expectation of yourself so that you carry on in a happy way in life.

[discodown]

I think after the work I have been doing recently that meeting someone would be the icing on the cake, a reward for patience.

You don't get a relationship as a reward. The person you meet isn't a prize because you deserve it. They aren't a goldfish you win at the fair because you hooked a duck. Whats wrong with you?

 

Stop looking at people like they're a prize pig at the county show and weighing them up as a potential partner. Its a vile thing to do.

[skinz]

 

It should always be "you give me 5, I give you 5. You give me 10, I give you 10." When I think back to my 20s, and the loyalties that I gave to certain people and still did not get chosen. It was like building them up, and giving them the confidence, then only to be used and thrown back. This is not nice. People should be people. So do not give more than you receive. Users and abusers are just that. Users.

 

 

Sorry but this is poor advice. It's very simple. Give without any preconception you need or want an equal or any reward. If you give and that giving is abused then you are well with your rights to take the high ground..almost to the point they've shown their colours early and actually done you a favour. If you give with expectation of reward then you are as void and empty as the person abusing your giving. By expecting rewards you show no respect either to those you expect a return from, but most of all yourself. It's the mindset of the immature. And how in the hell do you balance giving with receiving, it's impossible on an emotional level.