I hate my dad

[sccsux]

Originally posted by Delboy3

For anyone to say that they hate their dad because of a material object has not been given is pathetic and selfish as all you are thinking about is yourself......

 

 

That makes me not selfish as I hate mine 'cause he's a tw@!

[Cake]

I hate my Dad too which may be difficult for some people to understand unless they have been through what I have.

 

My Dad threw my mum out when I was two, he kept my brother and just threw me and mum out. We moved back to Sheffield and lived with friends and relatives (often sleeping on their floors) until we managed to secure a house. My mum brought me up on her own without any help from my dad. When I was about 12 I decided I wanted contact with him and made the journey to his house on my own and back every few weeks (which used to take about 1 1/2 hours each way) just so that I could spend time with him. This carried on until I had my son and then I didn't visit quite so much. He never made the effort to come and visit me.

 

We lost contact for a couple of years.

 

He made contact with me when my daughter was about two and said that he missed me and loved me etc and that he would come over and visit - he never did. I got a phone call from my mum late one night to tell me that my Dad had called her and asked that she pass on some news to me. Mum was crying as she told me that my Dad had terminal cancer and only weeks to live. I was devasted and kicked myself for not getting in contact with him. At the same time my partner's mum was dying of cancer so emotions were high.

 

A couple of days later my "Dad" called my mum to say that he made the whole thing up.

 

My partner's mum died a couple of months later.

 

I can never forgive my "'Dad" for that little stunt. He is not part of my life or my family's.

 

Hate is a strong word and not a word that I use lightly.

[Lotti]

Sccsux,

That is not a dad, he is your biological father, but anyone can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad.

 

It is very easy for us with dads that care to say 'don't hate your dad' but we're not in that situation, thankfully.

 

However, despite thinking people have been a bit unfair on Mainframe I also think that the reason he has given doesn't seem to be one that you can hate a dad for.

 

At least, as we've all said, he called you. More than many of the dads mentioned here have done.

 

I love my dad to bits (despite him slowly turning into my granddad!) but my dad can't stick his dad and neither can I.

As far as most of the people in our household are concerned, if we never see him again it'll be too soon.

 

My granddad is a very closed minded person and discriminates at each opportunity.

He never showed my dad any kind of love, he was there which is one thing but he worked 24/7, my dad had never had a hug. My granddad has always believed that women raise the children and work in the kitchen whilst the men work.

The sad thing is, he's only 60 now and he's always been like it, my mum's mum on the other hand is 72 and the most modern gal I know!

My dad left home at 16 to join the army so he could get away.

 

He then married my mum and they had me, they left the army and went to stay with my dad's parents. All my granddad did was criticise my mum about the way she looked after me, my dad would come home and bath me, but only because he wanted to, but no, to my granddad that wasn't right. He would pick fights whenever possible so my mum and decided that she would move back to Sheffield with me, whilst my dad finished his contract in Devon (not very long left).

That wasn't good enough either and for that my mum was called a stuck up bitch who could never bring a child up right. And basically, a terrible mother all round.

Despite this, my sister and I went to see them every year until we were old enough to think for ourselves when we said we didn't want to anymore because we weren't entitled to our own opinions while we were in his house.

 

He never phones but will tell my dad's brother that my dad hasn't phoned. We do phone but have stopped recently since then.

Then my granddad started emailing me constantly and asked me to get my sister to email him, I gave him her email address and told him to email her. He didn't. I'm disabled and my granddad has a thing about looking good and giving to charity and it made me feel like another of his charity cases. He started sending presents and cards in the post for me, but nothing for my younger sister, I told him that I didn't want all the presents he was sending me and the cards and the emails unless he was seen to be making some effort with my sister thinking that at least he'd email her.

I haven't heard from him since. My granny sent me a cheque for my birthday but we haven't heard from him.

 

My dad makes out he doesn't care but he does. I can tell.

[Hels]

My dad and I always had a stormy relationship resulting in me leaving home at 16.

 

When I had my daughter I really thought i'd hear from him, but didn't. He didn't meet my daughter - his first grandchild - until she was 3 years old, after a family tragedy got him talking to me again. But then without warning, he stopped talking to me a few years later. I've been married twice and he didn't come to either of them, hence I was never 'given away' by my father.

 

I've done alsorts over the years to try to get him to talk to me and i'd finally given up. But, when I heard a close friend of his had passed away I felt I should make one last effort. I went to Spain to find him. All I had was the name of a bar he went in. After 3 days of searching I found the bar and via the staff there, found my dad. It took another two days befoe he spoke to me, but we've got on ever since. I tread carefully so not to upset him, but I am happy we've made up.

 

Being let down by your parents is really hard. It's hard to understand and it hurts in a way that no-one else can hurt you.

 

Why not call your dad on your birthday? Tell him that the best present he can give you is his love and not to worry about an 'actual' present. He doesn't sound the greatest dad in the world and I know that must be difficult to come to terms with, but try to make the most of what you have with him because in the end, it is you that ends up feeling bad and you are worth more than that.

 

Take care x

[spyro2000]

I dont 'hate' my dad, to hate someone you have to know them, and I dont know my dad. Havent seen him since I was about 5, and I dont want to see him either.

[Don_Kiddick]

I once wrote "I hate my dad" in brown crayon on my bedroom wall when I was about 7.

 

 

 

 

It still stands.

[Chicago]

If you were 8 years old, I could understand your dilemma. However, you are 18! What's the problem?

[dawny1]

I don't think it's just a simple case of another birthday present not got I think it's a series of let downs from his Dad over a long period of time.

 

Mainframe - you know my daughters situation she gets promised all sorts and never gets them so her expectations are built up all the time only to be let down time and time again. The best thing to do is never expect anything, then if you do get something it will be a nice surprise - actually the shock would probably kill you!!!

[Bizzy_Lizzy]

Mainframe i seem to be set with the same problem as you seen as i am your sister and my birthday falls 2 weeks after yours. I find it really disappointing that we haven't heard from our dad for nearly a year now and the only reason he has contacted us is to let us know that he has lost his job so therefor cant get us anything for our birthday for the third year running. I could understand if it was just 1 year but its 3 years running now and to say he cant afford a card for us he is doing well to take himself, his wife and other child abroad for 2 weeks. Oh well he will regret it someday he has missed out on our whole childhood and will soon realise just how much he has let us down in the past. :(

[madblast]

at least you see your dad... my friend is fighting hard and going through hell to try and get to see his son...