DragonofAna Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 When you listen to one side of a story and reach a conclusion, how can you be honest either to yourself or the others involved? I know for a fact that a broken marriage has been discussed in this forum before. Probably lots of times. And you hear the side coming from the person you all know and you believe it wholemeal. But do you not have a problem with your conscience when you think you may be wrong. I know there is one particular person who painted her husband blacker than black. He was cold, demanding, heartless, thoughtless, dominating - kept her chained to the cooker, and expected her to be more of a slave than a wife, and that is why she left him. Only then you may learn none of those things were accurate and she left him for the arms of another womans man. The man of her best friend. So what do you do with yourselves. Sit back and think - well how were we to know? Throw your hands in the air in disbelief and stick to that original judgement regardless? I would just like to know so I have an idea of how people think and where they draw the line between loyalty for a friend and what they know to be right. Remember - this could happen to you just as easily. Dragon Servant of the Land Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owdlad Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Phew Dragon you have put so much into that posting that it's hard to know where to start in replying, however here goes with my thoughts. Firstly you can only form an opinion about people on the knowledge that you have about them and their circumstances at that time, if at a later date you get to know that the information you were given was false then surely you are able to modify your thoughts about them. You can still be loyal to a friend even if you have a different view of them after finding that they were less than truthful about how they came to split from their partner. There may well be a good reason for them being economical with the truth. I would though make sure that at some point they knew that I was aware of the other side of the story behind the break up, just so they can either come clean over it, or at least justify their lies to you. Remember friendship is about being there for a friend no matter whether they are right or wrong, and they would most likely respect you even more if you voiced your concerns to them face to face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonofAna Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Think you know more about the person the post is about and are treading very carefully. Point is - this mans reputation has been obliterated, trampled so far in the mud its almost through to australia, and there is no way back, and for what - so his wife could have an affair with the boyfriend of her best friend who is still dating the best friend in complete oblivion. Of course she is going to deny it. That much is so obvious. And by denying it - the other side of the story is lost completely. Well - he must be lying. He does not want revenge or even feel bitterness due to the act. These things happen. What does bother him is the malicious lies that people have accepted concerning him without question. It is not a question of friendship or loyalty, but a question of what is right. If this was someone posting about murder then I suspect friendship would be thought of in a different light, or was Maxine Carr right in being a false alibi for her boyfriend? Dragon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owdlad Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Dragon, I neither know nor have any incling of who these two people are. What I do know however is that if these two were friends of mine I would still be able to be a friend to both of them yet still feel that as a friend I could tell him I was there for him and did believe his side of the story (provided I was satisfied that it were true) whilst telling her the amount of damage she is doing to her own credibility by being untruthful (again if I knew that to be the case) The thing that is blatantly obvious in all this is that you are in an awful situation, which only you can decide upon the course of action that will help BOTH sides to move on, you should however be very careful at all times to be seen to be impartial so as not to lose the friendship of either of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazel Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I have an idea that in this situation you should be there to pick up the pieces for both friends. Just be a listener, don't judge, try to be impartial. Wait until they come to you and be there for them You don't know whether his behaviour pushed her into the arms of the friend, or his uncertaincy about her made him more dictatorial. Very difficult to judge. You can't change the world but you can help your friends Hazel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I've no idea what this is about. But if you read something on here and have no reason to doubt it then whatever conclusions you form at the time (or responses you give) are perfectly valid. If you later learn that there is more to the story, then altering your opinions and or responses is a valid response. If learning that the original person was lying alters your friendship with them, then so be it. Personally i'd always be a little suspicious of a friend who had lied in a big way to me before. It's also a lesson that there is rarely just one side to a story. Just bear that in mind when reading anything on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dawny1 Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 It is very rare that you can remain friends with both parties when a couple split. I have remained friends with a couple like this but we have an understanding I will not discuss either partners life with the other. Although they sometimes mention there ex in conversation I make sure I am not drawn into it so I remain neutral. Obviously I do have an opinion on which one is more to blame in the break-up but their relationship is nothing to do with me so to maintain the friendships it is better to say to each party involved that you will not be drawn into a discussion over it. They will both respect you for not judging either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squeaker Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by Dragon When you listen to one side of a story and reach a conclusion, how can you be honest either to yourself or the others involved? I know for a fact that a broken marriage has been discussed in this forum before. Probably lots of times. And you hear the side coming from the person you all know and you believe it wholemeal. But do you not have a problem with your conscience when you think you may be wrong. I know there is one particular person who painted her husband blacker than black. He was cold, demanding, heartless, thoughtless, dominating - kept her chained to the cooker, and expected her to be more of a slave than a wife, and that is why she left him. Only then you may learn none of those things were accurate and she left him for the arms of another womans man. The man of her best friend. So what do you do with yourselves. Sit back and think - well how were we to know? Throw your hands in the air in disbelief and stick to that original judgement regardless? I would just like to know so I have an idea of how people think and where they draw the line between loyalty for a friend and what they know to be right. Remember - this could happen to you just as easily. Dragon Servant of the Land Perhaps she was telling the truth...perhaps she left for another man who appreciated her...If her husband had treated her well she may have not found another mans attension's . ........not on to go off with her best mates man though.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 It's an interesting question. I've never really believed in the 'truth', as I find that it is usually merely the point between two opinions that I feel most comfortable with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threecolours Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by dawny1 It is very rare that you can remain friends with both parties when a couple split. Although they sometimes mention there ex in conversation I make sure I am not drawn into it so I remain neutral. Dawny - Very well said. People read and learn! I think what you've said is spot-on. I've friends who took 'sides ' when I broke up with an ex a while ago now. Emotions run high, people say things they regret (now anyway) and judgements are made. I wish they'd be like you - and yeah I probably should have 'risen above' it too! You dont truely know what really happens in other people relationships and that's why its difficult and wrong to always make judgements about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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