Snook Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Every Forumer down in Forum-Ville liked Christmas a lot. But the MiniGrinch, Who lived just north of sanity, did NOT! The MiniGrinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps, that the Forum theads were too... light. But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his heart or the thread bordom, he stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Forum, Staring down at his screen with a sour, Grinchy frown at the warm hearted posts from all over the town. For he knew every Forumer down in Forum-Ville online. Was busy now typing, in there eyes was a shine. "And they're typing their greetings!" he snarled with a sneer, "Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!" Then he growled, with his Minch fingers nervously typing, "I MUST find some way to stop the forum Christmas hyping!" For,Tomorrow, he knew... ...All the Forum girls and boys would wake bright and early. They'd rush to log onto their hosts! And then! Oh, the posts! Oh, the posts! post! POSTS! That's one thing MiniGrinch hated the most!! Then the forumers, young and old, would sit down and start a thread. And they'd agrue! And they'd discuss! And they'd DISCUSS! DISCUSS! They would discuss the muslims, and their Christmas day feast, which was something the MiniGrinch couldn't stand in the least! And the they'd do something he liked least of all! Every Forumer down in Forum-Ville, the tall and the small, Would post all together, with hangover heads hurting. They'd post over and over. And the Forumers would start flirting! They'd flirt! And they'd flirt! And they'd FLIRT! FLIRT! FLIRT! And the more the MiniGrinch thought of this Forum-Christmas-flirt, The more the MiniGrinch thought, "I must stop this big flirt!" "Why, for almost four years I've put up with it now!" "I MUST stop this Christmas from coming!...But how?" Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE MINIGRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! "I know just what to do!" The MiniGrinch laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!" "With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!" "All I need is a reindeer..." The MiniGrinch looked around. But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop MiniGrinch...? No! The MiniGrinch simply said, "If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!" So he called on his friend, Starsparkle. Then he took some red thread And he tied a big horn on the top of her head. THEN He loaded some bags to take on the debacle On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up Starsparkle. Then the MiniGrinch said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down, toward the homes where the Forumers Lay a-snooze in their town. All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. All the Forumers were all dreaming sweet dreams without care when he came to the first little house at Park Square. "This is stop number one," the old Minchy Claus hissed And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch. But, if Santa could do it, then so could MiniGrinch. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue Where the forumers laptop and PC sat in a row. "These computers," he grinned, "are the first things to go!" Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room, and he took every present! Modems! And routers! Disc drives! Laptops! Flashdrives! Mouses! Mousemats! And desktops! And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly, stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley! Then MiniGrinch stuffed all the stuff up the chimney with glee. "And NOW!" grinned the MiniGrinch, "I will stuff up the tree!" And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a woman in a see-through nightshirt! Little Pattricia-Cressida Forumer, who was a terrible flirt. The MiniGrinch had been caught by this lovely Forum grin who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold Gin. She stared at the MiniGrinch and said, "Santy Claus, why, "Why are you taking our computers? WHY?" But, you know, that old MiniGrinch was so smart and so slick he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! "Why, my sweet little minx," the fake Santy Claus lied, "There's a circuit in this 'puter that won't work on one side." "So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear." "I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here." And his fib fooled the Forumer. Then he patted her bum and he got her the drink and added some Rum. And when Pattricia-Cressida Forumer went to bed with her cup, he went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire! Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar. On their desks he left nothing but dust bunnies and some wire. And the one bit of technology that he left in the house Was a strangle little connector that was even too small for a mouse. Then he did the same thing To the other Forumers' houses leaving connectors much too small For the other Forumers' mouses! It was quarter past dawn... All the Forumers still a-bed, All the Forumers, still a-snooze When he packed up his sled. A thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Meersbrook, He rode with his load to the tiptop to unhook! "Pooh-Pooh to the Forumers!" he was MiniGrinch-ish-ly humming. "They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Forumers down in Forum-Ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!" "That's a noise," grinned the MiniGrinch, "That I simply MUST hear!" So he paused. And the MiniGrinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow... But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY! He stared down at Forum-Ville! The MiniGrinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Forumer down in Forum-ville, the tall and the small, Was flirting! Without any computers at all! He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same! And the MiniGrinch, with his MiniGrinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?" "It came with out laptops! It came without mouses!" "It came even though people had to leave their houses!" And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a machine from a store." "Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!!" And what happened then...? Well...in Forum-Ville they say that the MiniGrinch's small heart grew three sizes that day! And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight, he whizzed with his fingers and started to TYPE! He typed about racists and single mums and dirt, and he wrote lampooning Chirstmas stories and even started to FLIRT!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mort Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snook Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 Fantastic. I've had far too much time on my hands, obviously! Glad you enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swan Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 That's the funniest, cleverest thing I've heard for ages and soo true! Well done Snook! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarSparkle Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 It's my own fault for choosing a reindeer avatar this year! Naughty - but funny! But just you wait till the MiniGrinch gets hold of you! StarSparkle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeP Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 It could have been worse, he might have STAPLED the antlrs on to Starsparkle's head, a la Bill Murray in 'Scrooged'.... Great stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheff_minx Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Yey the annual forum parody!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 That OP post, Snook, really does have to be truly the Post of the Year! Wonderful! And beautifully poetic too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snook Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 That OP post, Snook, really does have to be truly the Post of the Year! Wonderful! And beautifully poetic too. Very high praise indeed, thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Very high praise indeed, thank you! I don't know about "high praise", Snook but I recognise ingenuity in writing when I read it. (I like to think so anyway. ) Beautifully constructed and "timed" for the latter end of 2007. Happy Christmas to you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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