Advice needed- teacher/student affair

[ladyacademic 10]

Ok, this may come over as unsympathetic. The fact is that it was a consensual relationship. The teacher was certainly acting unprofessionally and abusing his position of trust and authority, but he wasn't breaking the law if the OP was over 16. The OP knew he was married and had every opportunity to say no before embarking on the affair, or to walk away at any time. If she had been honest when the affair was found out, this wouldn't be an issue now. The "psychological problems" were largely self-inflicted.

 

If no crime was committed the police are not going to be interested. Without any proof, evidence or verification, it is unlikely that his professional body will be able to take action after all this time. If he is repeating this kind of behaviour, one hopes that eventually one girl will have the good sense to make a formal complaint.

 

Lay it to rest. Move on. There will always be silly girls who throw themselves at good looking teachers, and unprofessional teachers who take advantage of that.

[Nik Nak 10]

Ok, this may come over as unsympathetic. The fact is that it was a consensual relationship. The teacher was certainly acting unprofessionally and abusing his position of trust and authority, but he wasn't breaking the law if the OP was over 16. The OP knew he was married and had every opportunity to say no before embarking on the affair, or to walk away at any time. If she had been honest when the affair was found out, this wouldn't be an issue now. The "psychological problems" were largely self-inflicted.

 

If no crime was committed the police are not going to be interested. Without any proof, evidence or verification, it is unlikely that his professional body will be able to take action after all this time. If he is repeating this kind of behaviour, one hopes that eventually one girl will have the good sense to make a formal complaint.

 

Lay it to rest. Move on. There will always be silly girls who throw themselves at good looking teachers, and unprofessional teachers who take advantage of that.

 

The OP said that she was 16 during this relationship, she implies that she was under the age of consent for much of it (although she never states how long the relationship went on for). Going on this the teacher involved was clearly breaing the law and knew it. He was (and is) in a position where he is trusted with the safety of people's children during the day. Would you like it if you found that your child had been taken advantage of in this way? I know I wouldn't. I think he should be reported, I hope the OP finds the strength to do this although I fully understand if she feels that she doesn't have that strength.

[ladyacademic 10]

If the OP was under 16 when the relationship began the teacher was breaking the law. She says she was 16 at the time, in which case, he was not.

[Max Power 10]

If the OP was under 16 when the relationship began the teacher was breaking the law. She says she was 16 at the time, in which case, he was not.

Perhaps she would just be best to discuss it with the police who would be better placed to assess all the details than we are, and would probably treat it all more sensitively.

[sheffield666 10]

If the OP was under 16 when the relationship began the teacher was breaking the law. She says she was 16 at the time, in which case, he was not.

 

Yes it is against the law for a teacher to have sex with a pupil even if she is 16 and if you do not believe me then look it up.

And if you read the post correctly you will see the last time she had sex with him she was 16 so it started when she was younger.

Edited August 31, 2009 by sheffield666
spelling mistake.

[ladyacademic 10]

Yes it is against the law for a teacher to have sex with a pupil even if she is 16 and if you do not believe me then look it up.

 

Indeed, you are correct. My apologies.

 

http://www.teachingexpertise.com/articles/sexual-relations-pupils-over-16-5634

The legal position

The abuse of a position of trust is a criminal offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. The act says that a person over the age of 18 who is in a position of trust over a person under the age of 18 commits a criminal offence if they involve the younger person in sexual activity. The offence first appeared in in sections 16-24 of the Sexual Offences (Amendments) Act 2000, which lists the following occupations to which the law applies:

 

Institutions looking after young people who are detained under a court order or enactment, such as a young offenders institution.

Accommodation provided by local authorities and voluntary organisations under statutory provision.

Hospitals, independent clinics, care homes, residential care homes, private hospitals, community homes, voluntary homes, children's homes and residential family centres.

Educational institutions.

[rubydazzler 11]

If the OP was under 16 when the relationship began the teacher was breaking the law. She says she was 16 at the time, in which case, he was not.

She actually says ...

 

"and we had a physical relationship for quite some time." "In my adult life I can now see that this was entirely unacceptable to do to a minor (at the oldest I was just 16)"

 

I took that to mean that in the latter stages of this unhealthy relationship, she was 16 but that it started a while before that when she was not 16? Her age is irrelevant anyway due to the nature of his job, iirc.

Edited August 31, 2009 by rubydazzler
it took me so long to read, copy and post that others preceded me

[Nik Nak 10]

In my adult life I can now see that this was entirely unacceptable to do to a minor (at the oldest I was just 16), and very much against the law of the loco-parentis status teachers have in schools.

 

This implies that she was younger than 16 when the affair started and this teacher should have been removed from the position of trust he occupied at the time however since that did not happen he should really be removed as soon as possible.

 

Ooops, everyone else got there first.

[Dozy 11]

Where did I say it was her fault, It was his fault but I may have said what I mean wrong but I was not blaming her I am only saying that she could have said no because she was old enough to know it was wrong and he should never have put her in that position to start with.

I do not mean to be harsh however when it comes to the safety of children we have to tell it as it is.

 

By saying that the OP was "old enough to know it was wrong" and could have said "no" you are implying that she was partly to blame, as the abuse would never have happened if she'd turned him down.

 

You might not mean to sound harsh, but you do - and I doubt if that is helping the OP cope with an already difficult situation. I understand that it's common for abused children to believe that it is somehow their fault, no matter how unreasonable that belief might be.

 

To the OP - I'd definitely get in touch with the website recommended in Post 5, the sooner you talk to an unbiased expert about your experience, the better it will be for you.

[ladyacademic 10]

You might not mean to sound harsh, but you do - and I doubt if that is helping the OP cope with an already difficult situation. I understand that it's common for abused children to believe that it is somehow their fault, no matter how unreasonable that belief might be.

 

Actually, that does raise an interesting point. If a 15 year old boy goes out with an older lad and mugs a pensioner, most forummers would be baying for his blood. If a 15 year-old can be held morally responsible for wrongdoing, even when encouraged by an older person, why is the OP not held partly responsible for her affair with a teacher? Either a 15 year-old does know the difference between right and wrong, or they do not.

[rubydazzler 11]

Actually, that does raise an interesting point. If a 15 year old boy goes out with an older lad and mugs a pensioner, most forummers would be baying for his blood. If a 15 year-old can be held morally responsible for wrongdoing, even when encouraged by an older person, why is the OP not held partly responsible for her affair with a teacher? Either a 15 year-old does know the difference between right and wrong, or they do not.

All this is very interesting in an academic way, but not really for this particular thread.

 

This is a thread posted by a person who's struggling with a very real problem. Maybe it'd be better to post your own OP so we can discuss the age of criminal responsibility and its application to sexual abuse of minors and attacking OAPs and stealing their purses? hmmm?

 

Maybe you were never a teenage girl flattered and coerced into doing something silly and reprehensible by the attention from a more powerful person?

Edited August 31, 2009 by rubydazzler
change wording

[ladyacademic 10]

Maybe you were never a teenage girl flattered and coerced into doing something silly and reprehensible by the attention from a more powerful person?

 

Actually, I was. I speak from serious personal experience.