Feeling let down by family...

[charlie9865 10]

I am so fed up of my family and how they treat me,when all i do is run round after them. I do as much as i can to help them all out , but why i bother i do not know. I have 3 sisters one of which is 18 month younger then me i cared for her and helped her endlessly because of her mental health problems. That included,budgeting,sorting rent,shopping ,hygiene and drink and drug problems. My other sister is 20 and i have helped her by paying her arears off ,moving her house,getting her furniture,buying her food when she has no money. And my mum -i have my little sister for her and help any other way i can. This is all on top of managing my disability called cmt which waists my muscles and periphial nerves and my 2 kids and hubby and home.

 

Last thursday my hubby cooked me a fantastic 3 course meal we settled down to eat it and the phone rang. It was my 20 year old sister her bf had hit her. So my hubby had to go pick her up,when she got here she told us she had taken 30 paracetamol. So off i went to hosipital with her she had to have tests ect done i did not get home till 4am.

 

I am so mad because next weekend my mum was going to have my kids for night on saturday as it is my birthday sunday and 2nd wedding anniversary tuesday. She was going to have them at my house,i was glad because last time we stayed out we had problems with our 18mnth old daughter. She screamed all night as she is not used to staying out we never have wth her. It mess up her routine and we had to start from scratch,it was a nightmare.

 

My daughter is normally great and settles 6-6 in a dark room alone and does not have a bottle. When we stayed at mums we tried everything calpol,clean nappy ect ect but nothing worked so knew she must be just unsettled.

 

My mum has now changed her mind and said she is going to have the kids at her house. Which i am not happy with because of the above reason with my daughter. She also stood an asked me "what tme we was leaving saturday for our night away"?? I said "early" , She said "well not to early hope", i said about 11. She screwed up her face and her whole attitude changed,like she was mad at me.

 

Mum says she wants the kids at her's because my dad is away for work stuff and comes home saturday. And then he goes off again sunday, She wants to spend time with him. Which will be impossible if my daughter is screaming,and so now even if i wanted to tell her i would prefer kids to be at home i can't because she wants to spend time with my dad.

 

So have now decided i am going to leave my kids for the day instead with a friend. Which now means no night away and my mum will be even more hacked off because i won't let her have the kids.I feel so let down we arranged this weeks ago. Maybe im being selfish or mardy?? Advice needed what would you do????

 

I would not mind but last time me and hubby stayed away was 2 year ago and e don't ever ask anyone to have the kids. It is annoying when i ask a favour its always a problem.

[depoix 11]

thats families for you ,put it all behind you for a few days take the phone off and enjoy the time with your baby and husband,life will sort its self out,what would they do to manage if you were not there ? let them sort things out for themselves for awhile

[sexybeast 10]

sod your family they only want you when they are in bother if they cannot be bothered to help you once in a while you are better off without them. hope everythinhg goes well

[charlie9865 10]

Thanks guys your advice is exactly what my hubby has said, and i am going to switch my phone off. When i ended up taking my sister to hospital last thurdsday i phoned me mum to see if she was going to take her hospital. Her reply was "i have had a glass of wine i can not drive". Never mind fact i was having a night in with my other half ,it is so annoying. Will see how they all manage without me now, because im sick of being a door mat.

[Minimo 59]

It sounds as though you have quite enough on your plate without trying to sort out adult family members problems. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and put yourself and your own family first (and don't feel guilty for doing so)

[iansheff 89]

You know the old saying, you can choose your friends but not your family.

[hodgepig66 10]

it's so hard when it's your family cos you feel you have to help but guilty if you don't.......it works both ways when you need each other.......hard as it is you've got to say no......just remember you have a life of your own never lose sight of that,you are not responsible for them...... i learnt the hard way always helping others never having time for myself,not any more said no more often.......you have your own family now enjoy them.............good luck:thumbsup:

[InDaCloset 10]

removed....

Edited May 25, 2009 by InDaCloset

[bottle of be 10]

thats families for you ,put it all behind you for a few days take the phone off and enjoy the time with your baby and husband,life will sort its self out,what would they do to manage if you were not there ? let them sort things out for themselves for awhile

 

I very much agree,Sometimes we all need a little me time! I know it comes across as being selfish but you have to do it and the trick is not to let them know that you feel guilty even if you do.

[daisy2 10]

I agree with other posters - you deserve to look after yourself. It's difficult when you're dealing with family and their problems but you can't be at eveyone's beck and call.

Don't be critical of your Mum, she was putting her needs first and in her eyes her reason for changing arrangements was legitimate, even though it was disappointing (and annoying) for you. The trick is for you to be more assertive, that's not the same as being selfish.

Encourage your sisters to take responsibility for themselves and sort out their own problems, tell them you have your own responsibilities. Whilst that might sound hard to do, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes.

Keep your energies for yourself, your kids and your husband's needs. Can you get a local trustworthy babysitter for the evening? I hope you have a lovely birthday.

[Mrs Overall 10]

I am so fed up of my family and how they treat me,when all i do is run round after them. I do as much as i can to help them all out , but why i bother i do not know. I have 3 sisters one of which is 18 month younger then me i cared for her and helped her endlessly because of her mental health problems. That included,budgeting,sorting rent,shopping ,hygiene and drink and drug problems. My other sister is 20 and i have helped her by paying her arears off ,moving her house,getting her furniture,buying her food when she has no money. And my mum -i have my little sister for her and help any other way i can. This is all on top of managing my disability called cmt which waists my muscles and periphial nerves and my 2 kids and hubby and home.

 

Last thursday my hubby cooked me a fantastic 3 course meal we settled down to eat it and the phone rang. It was my 20 year old sister her bf had hit her. So my hubby had to go pick her up,when she got here she told us she had taken 30 paracetamol. So off i went to hosipital with her she had to have tests ect done i did not get home till 4am.

 

I am so mad because next weekend my mum was going to have my kids for night on saturday as it is my birthday sunday and 2nd wedding anniversary tuesday. She was going to have them at my house,i was glad because last time we stayed out we had problems with our 18mnth old daughter. She screamed all night as she is not used to staying out we never have wth her. It mess up her routine and we had to start from scratch,it was a nightmare.

 

My daughter is normally great and settles 6-6 in a dark room alone and does not have a bottle. When we stayed at mums we tried everything calpol,clean nappy ect ect but nothing worked so knew she must be just unsettled.

 

My mum has now changed her mind and said she is going to have the kids at her house. Which i am not happy with because of the above reason with my daughter. She also stood an asked me "what tme we was leaving saturday for our night away"?? I said "early" , She said "well not to early hope", i said about 11. She screwed up her face and her whole attitude changed,like she was mad at me.

 

Mum says she wants the kids at her's because my dad is away for work stuff and comes home saturday. And then he goes off again sunday, She wants to spend time with him. Which will be impossible if my daughter is screaming,and so now even if i wanted to tell her i would prefer kids to be at home i can't because she wants to spend time with my dad.

 

So have now decided i am going to leave my kids for the day instead with a friend. Which now means no night away and my mum will be even more hacked off because i won't let her have the kids.I feel so let down we arranged this weeks ago. Maybe im being selfish or mardy?? Advice needed what would you do????

 

I would not mind but last time me and hubby stayed away was 2 year ago and e don't ever ask anyone to have the kids. It is annoying when i ask a favour its always a problem.

 

Good grief what a selfish lot you have for a family, i dont know how you've found the time to do all these things and look after your own family, some good advice on here, sod em, take your phone of the hook, and have time with your family, good luck..

[Phil Anthrop 10]

ERM....perhaps you need a new family?