Advice for pregnant friend

[katy1981 10]

Originally posted by mandy25

six weeks , she's been looking into an abortion pill does anyone know the good and bad points about that?

 

 

an abortion gets harder as the pregnancy progress'es

 

this way that your suggesting is not too bad my neice had one this way

 

BUT

 

 

when my little sister found out she was pregnant it was too far on but she decided against the pregnancy and had to have some injection then actually deliver the baby i sat in on both these when i myself was pregnant my neices was by far the easiest for us both to deal with

 

tell your freind i am thinking of her and wish her all the luck in the world with what ever decision she makes:thumbsup:

[Babooshka 10]

The embryo is only about half a centimetre in size at this point and so if she can try to not think about it in terms of it not being baby-shaped then this could make it marginally easier once a decision has been reached. (Please don't anyone start about it being a baby-killing, I am sure someone will at some point. I am simply trying to keep this factual and pertinent to this particular case). Unfortunately, I don't know anything about the abortion pill. All I can say is that the sooner a definite decision is made, the better...for all. The decision should ultimately be about her and her life and not about anyone else's feelings. She will not easily come to a decision if she hears what other people recommend she do. Has she spoken to the doctor in depth about this matter?

[tinkabel 11]

I really hope your friend can decide what she should do for the best. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes and give yourself a huge pat on the back for being such an excellent and supportive friend.

[SHsheff 10]

I absolutely agree that it is her decision, and hers alone. Her age and personal circumstances (career/financial) also make a difference.

 

If left alone (and I totally appreciate that you are only doing what a supportive friend would do) she will find that the decision that feels right for her will 'rise to the surface' and become the predominant thought.

 

If I were to offer her any advice at all, it'd be to say: don't discuss this with too many people at all. The more private the better at this early stage. If, later on, she has decided to continue with the pregnancy, then fine - announce to the world, prepare to celebrate and make plans.

 

If her decision is to not continue with the pregnancy, then IMO her best option is to tell as few people as possible of her situation, and quietly move on with her life.

 

I wish her well.

 

Edit: re abortion pill - I have no very up-to-date knowledge to add to the subject, however, I think that if one exists (you're not talking about the morning-after pill, presumably) then she is best served by talking to for eg, the Mulberry Street FP clinic. She can talk to them in total confidence, even her own GP is not informed (IMO) unless she gives consent.

 

However, my understanding is that once the pregnancy is no longer a 'possible' (which is where the morning-after pill comes in) then she's looking at a termination at 12 weeks. I believe that it's not possible to carry out a termination before this time as the medical staff have to be sure that the termination is carried out properly, which means waiting the whole 12 weeks. Not good, sure, but it's the way it is. I think, unless someone can correct me?

[Salster! 10]

Someone I know had the abortion pill and it can be used up to a period of 9 weeks in.

 

They give you the pill send you home and if it works you have a very heavy period for a few days and then go for a check up.

 

Not nice I know but it does apparently work.

 

You cant just ask for it though you still have to have special counselling at the clinic

 

Hope this helps - good luck

[Ha3el 10]

Hiya,

 

Im sorry to hear that your friend is in this situation as its one of the hardest decisions she will probably ever have to make and i say this from personal experience. I've never had an abortion as i couldnt go through with it but i did look thoroughly into it. With the abortion pill it can be given upto 8 or 9 weeks but once you get that far they tend to opt for the sergical way anyways which involves vacuum aspiration (sucking out contents of uterus and performed after 8weeks upto about 13weeks). Some things to know is that the pill will cause very painful cramps and is basically causing an early miscarriage. In addition to this it isnt 100% and she may need the sergical option anyway if everything is not passed. You also cant just decide to have an abortion legally there has to be a really good reason like health of baby or mother - including mental distress and not being able to cope. Other thing which is what changed my mind away from abortion is that there is somewhat of a wait so your friend really doesnt have much time to decide. I assumed that if you chose for an abortion then they'd do it pretty much straight away but when i spoke to doc he had said to go away and think to be sure. Once sure then you are referred to a clinic in town to discuss it as you are required to speak to at least two people before action will be takken - at this appointment they will also take swabs etc to test for any infections etc. This appointment is about a 2 week wait, and once youve attended that there will be wait of another approx 2 weeks before the termination will be carried out. This changed everything for me as that would have made me about 11 weeks which is past what i consider to be right morally as it looks like a baby, has a heartbeat and nervous system, can suck its thumb and move around etc. Of course everyone has their own opinions of what stage is acceptable to abort if at all. The legal limit is 24 weeks in exceptional circumstances but most doctors wont agree past 16weeks. Unfortunately for me after deciding to keep my baby (2nd) i suffered a delayed miscarriage at 13 weeks anyway but i can say that it was extremely painful and wouldnt wish it on anybody. This is just my own experiences and your friend should speak to her GP also for advice and information as maybe waiting times etc may be different in another area.

 

I didnt think i'd be able to cope with a second child after finally starting to get my life back on track but it strange how your priorities change when you are pregnant. When i was expecting first first she wasnt planned and i was a complete mess as it was going to turn my life upside down - but i can say that i love her more than anything in the world and she has been worth every bit of suffering i went through. It is very difficult even with a partner so your friend needs to really want this as the worst thing would be for her to end up resenting the baby for not being able to have a life of her own anymore. She needs to know she has friends and family to support her, but if she thinks that this is not what she wants then she should start looking into things. I found loads of info just using google - search UK pages tho as practices can be different abroad. Your friend will know in her heart what she really wants altho she may be scared to accept it.

 

If she needs to talk to someone whos been through stress of trying to make this descision please email me at [email protected] and i can go into more detail about things if needed - and i will also point her to some posts on another forum which show how things changed for me when i had this decision to make when expecting my daughter (i didnt really want to post link here as i dont really want people i know to jus read it- its on a pregnancy forum where only people who need to know will read it).

 

I'm sorry this has got so long but hope that it will be of some help to your friend and i wish her the best of luck in whatever she decides.

 

Hazel xx

 

PS. One thing i would say after reading above post is that i disagree with talkin to as few ppl as possible. She should tell as many ppl as she needs to in order to feel comfortable with her decision - if she decides for abortion and keeps it to herself then it could eat away at her and she'd have nobody to unburden herself to. Talking with friends and getting worries off my chest was one of the key things for me as all off my friends were great and offered support with baby if kept it which really helped. Its upto your friend who she talks to but she should never keep it to herself if she does need to talk as it will jus play on her mind and get her more upset.

[SatanInHeels 10]

Whataver your friend decides to do, it must be her decision in the end and i wouldnt advise that she keeps it unless she is 100% certain that she wants to be a mum..

 

i was booked in for an abortion a few days before i was 12 weeks pregnant and was given the choice of taking the pill that kills the baby and you are kept in hospital to 'deliver' it, or to have a surgical abortion which i was told they only do up to 12 weeks into pregnancy and is where they use suction n to get it out. If she is going to go for any type of abortion though i would reccomend that she does it sooner or later, the longer you leave it the harder it is IMO as by 12 weeks the foetus is fully developed.

 

Either way, I know it is a really difficult decision to make (slight understatement i think) hope no-one is trying to make the decision for her and she is getting lots of support. send her my love n if either of ya want to get in touch feel free to pm me X

[SatanInHeels 10]

http://www.bpas.org/women/options.html

[hmr44 10]

It is probably the one of the hardest decisions your friend has to make.

 

There is a lot of help for young mothers out there, hopefully she will have some people to be there for her, even if the father isn't.

 

If she has an abortion or adopt the baby, it will be something she will regret for the rest of her life. And if she did have an abortion, she may be ok at first but later on, it'll haunt her and most people regret it, even if they werent able to keep it. Every baby, or pregnant lady will remind her of her baby and it'd be so hard.

 

I know it would be so hard to keep the baby, but it is her decision, and bringing a baby into the world is a beautiful thing and hopefully she would be able to cope, if this is what she decides to do.

 

How many weeks is she, and how old is she?

[lost_in_here 10]

Check your PM. I sent you a message this morning