Children and modern etiquette

[Zebra 10]

I've just taken my girls to the theatre to see The Gruffalo's Child and it got me thinking about etiquette and behaviour standards and I wondered what other people's views were.

In the theatre we could barely hear the actors for the colossal amount of noise made by unruly kids and parents. Many talking in normal voices, children yelling at their parents (the lady on my left told in no uncertain terms by her five year old that she KNEW where the toilet was) and the man on my right speaking to wife at length about the cheese sandwiches they'd brought in. The man to my diagonal right was on his phone and the nursery group in front of us probably the better examples of appropriate behaviour but still too much climbing.

As a life long theatre lover I was horrified. My girls have only been to the theatre a few times but at 5 they know to lower their voices if they must speak for some reason, to sit as well as can be expected at their ages and certainly not to climb.

 

My girls are still learning so I remind them of what is expected and that everyone is there to see the show, I give them positive reminders of what is usual and praise them for they get right. How come so many other people miss the boat entirely? I understand it's a kids show but what's the point if no one can hear or see?

 

I have similar opinions about the cinema but less stringent as we usually only take them to special kids showings anyway and it costs less but I always encourage them to be quiet and sit still. Having said that, adults are rarely better when I see other films without my kids and I find that tedious.

 

My new partner has different expectations of his children to mine, I don't mind if my girls leave the table when they've eaten but he expects his children to wait or ask to leave. I don't mind getting the girls to do that when we spend time togethere, but I'm curious what other issues of etiquette people still have expectations of?

 

I always expect a thank you when I've given a gift and feel annoyed if there isn't any gratitude, so I teach my girls to use their manners often and endeavour to always do the same myself.

 

What do you find important? Have our standards slipped?

[madasfish 10]

I think standards have slipped - your esperience today is unfortuantly not unique.

 

My own "must does " for my children are:

 

- stand up for someone on a bus

- sit and eat at a table nicely (no arms on tables, no talking with mouth full etc .......and like your partner ; stay there until we have all finished)

- not interput when adults are talking

- always say please and thank you

- use appropriate behaviour to the situation (run and scream in parks, don't shout in a library, climb trees in the countryside,don't sit on other peoples garden walls)

[lauren84 11]

Please and thank you is a must as well as apologies - I sometimes need to prompt him but it is usually there.

 

As for the table he is usually last to finish anyway so we are left waiting for him we aren't very strict on that though but Sunday Dinner is one of our important meals of the week where we all sit and eat at the same time.

 

Lo is 3 this week so he still has some issues about talking loudly but most of the time it is in funny situations. He announced to the doctors waiting room the other day that he had just had a poo on the doctors toilet but I had a little word saying that he needs to be a little quieter.

 

I am not rude and despise rude people so the chances are (albeit a few tantrums along the way) that my boy will grow up with the manners that my mum taught me

[SpeedDemon 10]

I have the same sort of standards as you guys. I won't tolerate rudeness, bad manners etc. I've always been able to take my kids anywhere (and have always been invited back lol) don't get me wrong, theyre children not angels but I bring them up to show respect to others. My eldest is now out n about with her friends and I make it perfectly clear I have my "spies" out, ie I know a lot of people n she will never know when one of those people is around. I drill into her not to be noisy on buses and absolutely no phone music on the bus without earphones as that drives me insane.

I very rarely use buses these days but I did wen they were little and unruly kids, whatever their age, makes the journey even more unpleasant for everyone else.

My youngest 2 watch their elder brother n sister in their performing arts group at sports arenas and even at 3 & 2 they know they must be still and quiet when their is a colourguard performing. Not necessarily the case for other peoples children in the stands tho

[littlewonder 10]

As everyone has said, its just general rule of thumb to us, but it is amazing how other are with their children.

 

Im quite a young mum in peoples opinion im 27 and have 4 children ages 8, 5, 3, soon to be 1. yet I still make sure my children have manners.

 

I was amazed wheni was out with my 3 year old she walked into a lady when she was talking to me so as should be my daughter turned around and apologised to this woman, who then asked me what she had just said, obviously i was a bit concerned as to why she was asking me to repeat what had been said, but i went ahead and told her she apologised for bumping into her. the womans face Im not sure if she was happy that my daughter had manners or disgusted that i make my children apologise for bumping into people.

 

We all seat and eat together most of the time, and we dont make it where they have to ask to leave but we simply say everyone sits at the table until weve all finished that saves any arguements over the tv or games etc..

 

They always say please and thank you, every now and again they will need to be reminded (thus my 3 year old mainly).

 

It really amazes me how others let their children run riot have no manners and just be so rude to people, I had a girl about 5 smack my 3 year old in argos so when i approached the father and told him he did nothing didnt tell her off or anything just walked away and gave his daughter the princess toy he had just bought.

 

astounds me sometimes

[Corbyn 10]

I agree with most of what other people have said. However, I try very hard to keep my children under control but my son in particular is a real handful. If he's noisy or behaves inappropriately then that's not because he hasn't been taught how to behave well or because I don't remind him what is expected of him.

 

A great example of his bad behaviour is when he goes out to eat. He has real issues with sitting still and eating and he might go under the table etc. Obviously we try to stop him doing this and he has got better over time (he has just turned 4). The thing is if all I ever do is avoid situations where I know he will play up and annoy other people then he will never learn how to behave appropriately in these situations. So for me, it's not so much how the child is behaving, more about whether the parents are interested and trying to deal with it.

[madasfish 10]

I agree with most of what other people have said. However, I try very hard to keep my children under control but my son in particular is a real handful. If he's noisy or behaves inappropriately then that's not because he hasn't been taught how to behave well or because I don't remind him what is expected of him.

 

A great example of his bad behaviour is when he goes out to eat. He has real issues with sitting still and eating and he might go under the table etc. Obviously we try to stop him doing this and he has got better over time (he has just turned 4). The thing is if all I ever do is avoid situations where I know he will play up and annoy other people then he will never learn how to behave appropriately in these situations. So for me, it's not so much how the child is behaving, more about whether the parents are interested and trying to deal with it.

 

This is a tough one - because as you say if they are not exposed to that situation how can they learn.

 

My advice would be to take him for a real treat (huge ice cream sundee say) and if he misbehaves , after a couple of warnings, get up, pay and leave ............will be tough to waste money but will be a vaulable lesson.

[gina2007 10]

This is a tough one - because as you say if they are not exposed to that situation how can they learn.

 

My advice would be to take him for a real treat (huge ice cream sundee say) and if he misbehaves , after a couple of warnings, get up, pay and leave ............will be tough to waste money but will be a vaulable lesson.

 

I tried that, about 6 times, my son still plays up.

 

It kind of, annoys parents too you know. Obviously if the parent(s) are making zero attempt then fair enough, slag them off and what not - but put your feet into my shoes and walk a few steps, you'll soon realise that those screaming/unruly kids that annoy you, are nothing compared to my [ill] son. I now really dont give a damn what other people say/think of me, my son, my parenting etc because they dont know the depths of it. Or the god knows how many appts we have had to sit through whilst he is doing his usual and its the 15th time that day I will have tried to teach/tell him its wrong, and repeating myself on how to behave better, and its only 9.30am. Some days, I could sit and cry into my hands, and people wouldnt come and ask whats the matter, they'd sit in silence probably, then talk about it elsewhere (to family, friends etc) and comment how disgusting it was I let my son just 'act up'. Sometimes it goes deeper than bad parenting standards.

 

 

(How ive worded that, isnt aimed at the quoted post or person, in general, just to well everyone who does see this behaviour sometimes and automatically thinks 'bad parenting' )

[caz_ol 10]

When I was about 10 my parents took us to Flordia and out one evening a couple were that impressed with our manners at the restaurant they wanted to buy us desert! I'll never forget it to this day because for me, we were just acting the norm. I think its a shame if the norm is perceived as letting your kids run riot. As an expecting mum myself I'll be making sure my kids see politeness, manners and good behaviours as standard- not something that should have to be rewarded but something that we should all do in life :-)

[Strix 11]

there have been times when I've been tempted to point out to parents that my DOG is better behaved than their kids (but their kids are allowed to run round shops, climb on fixtures, and destroy stock)

 

H is only 13 months, but she was the only child at toddler group who sat in her chair and ate her snack without climbing all over the place and spreading butter all over the table, chairs, floor... and was also the only one whose parent washed her hands afterwards so the toys weren't covered in grease creating another job for somebody

 

That was our first session, and I'm in two minds about going back if I'm going to spend the next x number of years explaining why I insist on rules whilst 'whoever's mum' allows them to do anything they like

 

shall we start a new group?

[madasfish 10]

I tried that, about 6 times, my son still plays up.

 

It kind of, annoys parents too you know. Obviously if the parent(s) are making zero attempt then fair enough, slag them off and what not - but put your feet into my shoes and walk a few steps, you'll soon realise that those screaming/unruly kids that annoy you, are nothing compared to my [ill] son. I now really dont give a damn what other people say/think of me, my son, my parenting etc because they dont know the depths of it. Or the god knows how many appts we have had to sit through whilst he is doing his usual and its the 15th time that day I will have tried to teach/tell him its wrong, and repeating myself on how to behave better, and its only 9.30am. Some days, I could sit and cry into my hands, and people wouldnt come and ask whats the matter, they'd sit in silence probably, then talk about it elsewhere (to family, friends etc) and comment how disgusting it was I let my son just 'act up'. Sometimes it goes deeper than bad parenting standards.

 

 

(How ive worded that, isnt aimed at the quoted post or person, in general, just to well everyone who does see this behaviour sometimes and automatically thinks 'bad parenting' )

 

No offence taken at all ; my advice was aimed at someone who asked- not at someone who had already tried that tactic!

 

I don't know how old your child is but perhaps they are just not "ready" for some social situations ? - especially as you have clearly given behaviour a great deal of thought and have tried different approaches(now please don't say they are 16!!).

[Corbyn 10]

Still some people don't take the point that not all people are "letting" their child run riot. Some children are easier than others. Personally I find parents who are always looking down their nose at other people and who think their child is perfect, just as annoying as the ones that clearly don't give a damm.