Am I just asking for too much to expect him to help with the chores?

[Gambler]

My point Ruby, obviously, is that when a man acts lazy and displays slobish behaviour it is because he doesn't care anymore. Of course he should help with the chores but he shouldn't need asking. He should want to help, make his girl happy. When a relationship starts getting old, loses it's passion, lots of other things go downhill too. I'm not saying it's right, it's just how it usually goes.

[rubydazzler]

My point Ruby, obviously, is that when a man acts lazy and displays slobish behaviour it is because he doesn't care anymore. Of course he should help with the chores but he shouldn't need asking. He should want to help, make his girl happy. When a relationship starts getting old, loses it's passion, lots of other things go downhill too. I'm not saying it's right, it's just how it usually goes.

Well, why didn't you say that in the first place, instead of waffling on about farting?

 

But I still don't get why you think he's just 'helping'? Why shoiuld it be down to the woman to organise the house? And yet we all seem to buy into this fallacy even though the days of the career housewife are long gone. Looking after the household nowadays is something that people have to fit in around work. Therefore, both of you should do it and without arguments and the woman having to coax the man into it. This is why I choose to be single these days, I just can't be bothered with all that manchild palaver. I'm not your bloody mother!

[willman]

Well, why didn't you say that in the first place, instead of waffling on about farting?

 

But I still don't get why you think he's just 'helping'? Why shoiuld it be down to the woman to organise the house? And yet we all seem to buy into this fallacy even though the days of the career housewife are long gone. Looking after the household nowadays is something that people have to fit in around work. Therefore, both of you should do it and without arguments and the woman having to coax the man into it. This is why I choose to be single these days, I just can't be bothered with all that manchild palaver. I'm not your bloody mother!

 

I do chores, i do all the cooking and other stuff. Although i do tidy up , dust clean etc - i do it when i see fit not when ordered too by someone else with a different perspective.

[Kthebean]

My point Ruby, obviously, is that when a man acts lazy and displays slobish behaviour it is because he doesn't care anymore. Of course he should help with the chores but he shouldn't need asking. He should want to help, make his girl happy. When a relationship starts getting old, loses it's passion, lots of other things go downhill too. I'm not saying it's right, it's just how it usually goes.

 

Rubys point was that by doing housework you don’t ‘help’. It is not ‘helping’ its just doing. 'Helping' implies its someone elses job, when we're all people. If you poo in a toilet, you should clean the toilet, if you use a plate, you should clean the plate, if you wear clothes, you should wash the clothes.

[rubydazzler]

I do chores, i do all the cooking and other stuff. Although i do tidy up , dust clean etc - i do it when i see fit not when ordered too by someone else with a different perspective.

Good point. Some women seem to want to control the household and it's their way or not at all, or nagging on about it forever, trying to force everyone else to do it their way. I suppose it depends on your toleration for mess. Women can live with untidiness but not actual mould and slime, whereas men often seem to be vice-versa. They'll tidy, but never actually notice the place needs cleaning as well.

 

Maybe the problem is that people don't discuss this stuff before they start living together and get something worked out before it becomes a major problem. I've seen it many times, the woman starts off by being a little houseslave because she's besotted and wants to do everything to show how much she's comitted to his comfort and happiness. After a while when the novelty wears off, she gets fed up of being put on, but he's got used to it and out of the habit of doing anything for himself. Then it's all arguing and falling out.

[Gambler]

Ok, I can see my light hearted attempt to make a point is not appropriate in this thread. When I said help, I mean it from both sides, and yes it is helping. If I am at home and my gf is at work, if I then hoover, clean and tidy the house, wash the pots if there are any, run her a bath and have a glass of wine ready for her arrival, then yes I am helping her, because Not only does she now not have to do any of these things now but she's also come home to a nice inviting atmosphere. If she does the same for me, then she has helped me. Both parties are totally resposible for the upkeep and general happiness in the home by helping each other because they want to.

 

My point about farting although silly is a very valid one and very relevant. I'm shocked I'm even having to explain why to be honest. In fact all I'm going to say is that during your first ever date, did your now OH let one go and say sorry love you might want to hold your nose for a few minutes. Come on now, when a guy doesn't help arounr the house and doesn't care even if he does things that make him less attractive to you then there is a very serious problem.

 

Sorry for typos, having to do this on my iPhone as virginmedia is down.

[Kthebean]

Ok, I can see my light hearted attempt to make a point is not appropriate in this thread. When I said help, I mean it from both sides, and yes it is helping. If I am at home and my gf is at work, if I then hoover, clean and tidy the house, wash the pots if there are any, run her a bath and have a glass of wine ready for her arrival, then yes I am helping her, because Not only does she now not have to do any of these things now but she's also come home to a nice inviting atmosphere. If she does the same for me, then she has helped me. Both parties are totally resposible for the upkeep and general happiness in the home by helping each other because they want to.

My point about farting although silly is a very valid one and very relevant. I'm shocked I'm even having to explain why to be honest. In fact all I'm going to say is that during your first ever date, did your now OH let one go and say sorry love you might want to hold your nose for a few minutes. Come on now, when a guy doesn't help arounr the house and doesn't care even if he does things that make him less attractive to you then there is a very serious problem.

 

Sorry for typos, having to do this on my iPhone as virginmedia is down.

 

 

Ok thats fair enough and a good way to see it.

 

It just really riles me when people puff up their chests and say "i help with the housework" or when other people say "you're so lucky your partner helps you with housework and cooking".

[Gambler]

I do understand what you are saying K, it's about a woman feeling like she's being taken for granted with nothing given back in return. But women can be just as guilty of this.

 

Just for the record, not that my opinion means jack, but I think the girl that slated her boyfriend in this thread for 'all his wrongdoings' is well out of order. That right there is the action of someone who doesn't give a **** about her relationship anymore. Even if she's totally right, it's a very low blow.

[turtlekeeper]

hmmm this is a very interesting thread ... i think that the boys don't see the mess as quickly as the girls and that's generally all there is to it ... so if a compromise is to happen the girl needs to leave the house to get more messy than she'd like and somehow the boy needs to see that the house is messy before he usually would ... obviously this is very tricky !

[BrotherWolf]

If you poo in a toilet, you should clean the toilet, if you use a plate, you should clean the plate

 

I'm sorry but if anyone in my house took to pooing on a plate I'd chuck them out!