Pscylo

Your child appears to have made a log for the fire. A new career of putting trees back together awaits.

Sorry, though I was clear. "Overrated" is the key - it's not that I don't rate it at all, but that it doesn't always serve much use. Hypothetically, I have a disagreement with you, we sit and talk about (to make sure we both understand our respective positions), and we agree to a change to the way we do things to avoid it again, or to modify behaviour if you like. It's then up to you or I to modify it to avoid the situation if we don't it happens again. There are those that listen to reason, and those that ostensibly do, but then choose not follow the new route. Or another way, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". HTH

I think I would agree with you, it isn't quite what you said, it was precisely what you said. If the OP's BF is lazy, indolent and without responsibility, is it really safe to leave a child there.

No I disagree, it's not what it's for. There was no suggestion from the OP that she wanted to leave, she wanted a bit of support is all. Yes, turned it around after 7 years and we're still together (I think 17 years in total now - we're not actually married, so I'm not too sure though the missus would know)

The answer to that is in the post you replied to. It is semantics, but that's all we have here. She said she wanted to go, was very surprised when I suggested we moved, and we moved. And here we are, and what a lovely area of the country it is. To clarify though rather than be cryptic, "overrated" is the key, it's not always a waste of time. I make an assumption that about 90% of people are a waste of my time and wouldn't try reason,.but there those with which it will fly. It may be the the OP's BF is one of the 90 or one of the 10, I don't and nobody else knows.

I didn't see that either. I saw someone suggest that you should leave, and leave the child behind.

LOL - 6 foot tall, 240 lbs ex county rugby player. ...and very definitely male. Yeah I meant "man management" as in "people management", or just management if you like (in the business sense).

Sound advice, though if I'm honest I think talking overrated as a means of solving problems. That's actually a quote from a film (pop quiz - which fim?), but I do believe it. Take notice of what people do, not what the say.

Read previous post regarding use of the word "assume". What has kept women in appalling situations is lack of state and family support, they have nowhere to turn to. It's really quite naive to think otherwise. If you tell someone often enough that they are worthless, they'll believe eventually. I don't believe this is one of these situations. This isn't "where is the refuge", this is "am I being unreasonable". In this instance there is no family or state support that we know of, but there is the community here. OK, we're ethereal, but we've confirmed for her that she isn't being unreasonable, and offered constructive suggestions for resolution. You haven't, and you are categorically wrong for doing so. You don't know the full story, and suggesting she walk out to "fix" things is ludicrous. You are clearly not qualified to offer that advice, the fact that you did clearly shows that to be the case. She wants support, she hasn't asked whether she should rip her family to pieces.

Me still no understand. I can see a post was edited, but can't see the original.

No I don't quite get that one either. Elucidate please?

I'm far from from perfect, I give her a good thrashing every now and again. Seriously though, we just both accept our areas of responsibility and it works quite well. We're neither of us perfect, but if you don't sweat the litte things, the big ones get easier.

I'm entirely calm, but your post was hardly intended as a kind word and I think it would be disingenuous for you to say otherwise. I don't really care what you think of me, but I don't really deserve any opprobrium for the post I made. I'm just trying to be constructive here (there are kids involved after all), which few have. Incidentally I use the "reason" often too - and it's entirely legitimate.You just have to remove the objection/obstacle Without removing the obstacle, you can't really get to the crux of it. Some of the behaviour decribed here is indicative of severe depression (not saying it is, but we aren't cose enough to see). All I can do is offer constructive advice particularly regarding males in relationships (and I wouldn't consider myself a "new" man either). I didn't refer to my relationship as man management. You need to read the post a little more carefully. My relationship is a partnership (slightly unequal but not massively so) too. That's just bearbaiting of the worst kind; no better than Jeremy Kyle.

Whilst there comes a point when you have to call it day, neither you nor I know whether this has been reached yet. I would suggest that it hasn't been given that the post is "am I asking for too much" and not "two bedroom house required urgently". You are again suggesting a continuation of the previous seven years efforts, which hasn't worked so far. Why would it work this time? You alternative is to split up a relationship including a child. It's likely that there would be a cost to you, me and the child if that happens. There are other avenues to explore first - the OP didn't ask whether should leave; she'll know when when to do that if the time comes and you aren't qualified to offer that advice.

Don't ever apply for a job at relate; there is a family at stake here.

Rot - you need to learn something about man management. I have no doubt that he's lazy, but you aren't looking at the bigger picture. The OP is asking whether she's asking too much; I don't believe she is but you need to make it idiot proof. You can sit there and expect him to do things on spec, but after 7 years, I think you can safely assume it isn't going to happen. The OP has effectively trained him to ignore all the areas of housework over the last seven years, and she's now seeing the error of her ways. I don't really see a house as anything other than a "business", in that it needs to be managed. The tack that you are all taking is to expect the housework to be done without management. Why do you think some families have rotas? Now you have two ways of doing this, one person manages and delegates tasks as and when they need doing (not a good idea - it's likely to lead to arguments when you expect him to do something at your beck and call which gets very tedious very quickly (fishwife anyone?), or alternatively by introducing areas of responsibility. The washing up is a good one because if he doesn't wash the dishes, she has nowhere to put his dinner! You can sit there on your high horse knowing that he should do it, but it isn't helping you get it done. Utter tripe - you are implying that I'm not a "keeper", and I would challenge that. I've not given you enough information to make that judgement. Do I know what needs doing in a house - of course I do - but am I looking for it, no, because it isn't my responsibility and ultimately I have been trained not to look for (as my wife has been trained not to worry about shopping/cooking etc). I think you'll find that this is exactly what has happened with the OP - the BF has been trained for a quarter of his life not to look for things to do. To be quite frank though I have a much bigger agenda than whether he washing gets done or not, I have far more important things to think about. If you're suggesting I don't do my share, then you are mistaken. In context, I run a business that turns over well into six figures a year, I have primary parental responsibility for my two girls (8 & 10 years), and unless things deviate from my plan, I am here to see them off in the morning, and am here when they arrive in the afternoon. I shop, cook, keep the kitchen clean (my domain), I'm the taxi, the childminder when the kids are ill, I do all things mechanical. All in all I reckon I do more than the wife, but I don't mind. We have two or three holidays a year which I pay for (we only did one this year though it was a month in Crete), we live in a big four bed room detached house which I pay for. She doesn't pay for anything because she is a full time mature student. Tomorrow I won't see her from 8am until 11pm because she's out with the kids from Uni (well that's what she tells me could be something else ) What's more, we uprooted ourseves from Cambridgeshire to come here so that the wife could attend university (without missing out on the kids) at considerable cost (which I paid). That said I love it here though and don't regret it at all. So before you start with your tedious ad hominem attack I suggest that you remember what they say about "assume". The tack you are suggesting is to continue with an approach that hasn't worked for seven years. Doing the same thing repeatedly expecting a different result is a fairly good definition of insanity; clearly something different is required and unless you have something constructive to say I would suggest you keep quiet. A solution could be as simple as a white board to write tasks on: it avoids confrontation, if there's more than one task to do he can choose, he can do it when it's convenient for him and there's no loss of face. If there's no improvement then perhaps he's beyond redemption. I'm just trying to offer constructive advice. I've man managed for 20 years, and I know a little about it.

And that's an entirely valid reason. If he hasn't been indoctrinated in the ways f the house, then he won't know what needs doing when. I never put a load of washing on, or iron, or hoover those aren't my jobs and I wouldn't know when they need doing (because I'm not looking for it), but I do get a meal ready every day, get the kids and the wife off to school, make packup, do the shopping, fix bikes, drive kids/missus everywhere etc. It's almost impossible to get an even divide of house chores but it's not too difficult to get somewhere near. I suggest you give him a chore or two that is his responsibility and his alone. Start with the washing up (and see how quickly a dishwasher becomes a necessity) as that's 20-30 minutes a day from memory and quite an easy sell, and then maybe move on to washing the clothes. If he refuses to help don't cook for him. You should expect him to do a little less as he works more than you - that's easily countered by cooking dinner though; equally you don't say what kind of work it is. Is it physical? If it is that would likely make a difference.

under £250 it goes by the fast transaction route, which is a few hours at the most over £250 by BACS (which is free), in 2-3 days you can CHAPS a payment over £250 for same day receipt, but it costs about £20

MAC OS on a PC is hardly news, it's not difficult to do. The price differential plays purely on the looks front IMHO. IPersonally I would go for utilitarian and cheap over looks every day.

Your halfway there already, you just need to replace the jar of crap (and that's quite easy to do). In most cases though time is going to be the issue so I hope you have a fair bit of that. A decent spag bol wants a couple hours on the hob (though you can do it in twenty minutes in a pressure cooker). If you think you don't like olives (or anchovies even), try pasta puttanesca. The sauce is roughly equal qtys (for a family of four a good tablespoon) of chopped black olives, anchovies, capers and little less garlic. Fry off some chopped onions in olive oil when soft add the four ingredients I've mentioned, fry for a couple of minutes then add a tin of chopped tomatoes. Let it simmer, put the pasta on, when the pasta is cooked the sauce should be ready (oil should be separating), drain pasta, add sauce and serve with some salad. It doesn't taste of olives or anchovies, it's just nice.

A lot of the pastes keep for a long time - I keep some bean pastes in the freezer as they don't actually freeze though the cold temperature keeps them in good fettle. From another perspective though I could throw quite a lot of a can of paste away and it would still be cheaper than what I can buy at Sainsbury's or Tescos. Then again they never last that long. I can't remember the name, but there is a Chinese warehouse/supermarket on John Street of Bramall Lane, and if you like Chinese you'll love it there. Big bags of beansprouts for 50p, fried tofu and more Chinese sauces than you can shake a stick at. Try some Wasabi Peas if you get there - almost my favourite snack food. Anyway, a few other simple ones: Sweet and sour - sugar, tamarind water, garlic, stock, cornflour Lemon sauce - honey(or sugar),stock, lemon juice, lemon rind, garlic, cornflour Kung Po - chilli flakes, soy sauce, rice wine, sugar, stock, cornflour

Garlic sauce Throw a shedload of garlic in the stir fry and cook out. Combine a tablespoon light soy, tablespoon rice wine, some chicken/veg stock (or even just water) and a teaspoon (maybe more depends how much stock you put in) or cornflour in a cup and when there's no lumps throw that in and cook until it thickens. Black/yellow bean sauces are pretty much the same with a spoon or two of bean past combined in the stock mixture. Chow mein gravy is oyster sauce, light soy stock and cornflour.

Jewels and Tools Walsh's (Birmingham) both online there are quite a few to choose from though to be honest a lot of the tools my missus has aren't really different to ones I use around the house.

My partner has just completed her first year of a university course and turned 33 in the same year. There's a 60 year old in the year above her, and a good friend of mine is studying Russian politics somewhere and he's into his seventies. It's never too late.

9 More by judgement than luck.