Loneliness

[halevan]

How many members are lonely? and how do you cope with it? it can be a debilitating condition especially to someone who is shy, ugly, deformed or different in some way. Do you talk to anyone who is like this? and susequently help them to overcome their inadequate feeling.

 

It must be very distressing and difficult to deal with particularly to a person who finds it hard to communicate, I knew someone who hung himself because he couldn't face life due to circumstances which were beyond his control.

[Mo]

I don't know whether I feel loneliness Hal, but as a full time mum ie I don't go out to paid employment I some times feel very isolated. It doesn't get me down though as I know that at the end of the day, I have 2 lively kids and a husband to keep me company.

 

I do believe though that you can be lonely even if you are surrounded by others all day. It's more to do with connecting and geling with people than them actually being there.

[halevan]

I have known loneliness Mo, for many, many years I lived alone and even though I went out all the time to be with people, in town, country, there were days when I never had chance to speak to another human being.

 

Not being a drinker or smoker and having a bad chest, I couldn't go into a pub ( I didn't want to anyway ) consequently, I went into a depression and had to go to the doctor for tablets.

 

I was ill, out of work no money or car, so I went further and further downhill and that lasted for nearly thirty years. No one wanted me, my son, daughter had their own lives and were not interested and being a divorcee I was totally isolated.

 

Finally, after all that time I met a wonderfull lady who accepted me into her life and I am now back to my normal, happy, optimistic self and have never been happier.

 

:lol:

[Cycleracer]

I have not known loneliness in adult life as i have many friends and my wife of 24 years and a big family.

I am modestly successfull, meaning i have a nice house and small car and a reasonable steady job but my childhood was very different.

I was'nt lonely at home but my school period was but all the things at school i dodged i made up for and now race bikes and train a lot in great scenery and it keeps me young and fit.

At 43 i,m fitter than most lads half my age.

[cosywolf]

I get lonely, Hal.

I have a big, loving family. An amazing (most of the time:P ) partner. A mad dog. Lots and lots of people I call my friends. I work with the best bunch of people, and there's always laughter and insanity in our work. I've said elsewhere here - I laugh almost constantly, as so much about life is so ridiculous and amusing, especially my own moments of outrageous ineptitude.

 

But when the Black Dog (depression) starts following you and nipping at your heels, there may as well be no-one. It's hard to let people in on how you're feeling - you don't want to bore or burden them, and you don't want them to treat you differently or look at you oddly or avoid you. Even those closest to you become people you feel you need to protect from the dull horror inside you. It's a cliche, but it's true - you can never feel so lonely as when you're surrounded by others with no way to communicate with them.

No-one who's never been there can even start to realise how utterly pointless and lonely life suddenly becomes. It never ceases to amaze me that despite my love of life, my determination not to hurt those who love me by bailing out, my daily curiosity about what's around the next corner of life, I can and do hit that point where it actually makes all the sense in the world to me to take my final bow. It's terrifying how very sensible it seems. Still - I never do the sensible thing, thank goodness!!!

 

Pulling yourself out of that is a huge acheivement every time. To everyone who has and does, like you Hal, I can't even find the words to congratulate them enough. It takes immense strength of will and bravery to go back to life, to stop feeling sorry for yourself and let go of the safety net that misery can become.

Hip hip hoorah to us all:lol:

[sammie]

i was very lonely at chool and to tell you the truth i still am a little. i never had many friends (even though i tried so, so hard to make ffriendss) i havbe now left school and started college. to tell you the truth its not as good as i thought it would be and (again) i have no friends here.... i have 3 good mates although i only see them once a week. my parents are too protective and i have tried to tell them how i feel.. they wont listen...... dont get me wrong im not a loner and i do have friends but i just feel a little ...lonely

 

oh well

[cosywolf]

I suspect we all do sometimes.

One of the tricks is to know yourself well enough to be good company for yourself. Once you get there and know and like yourself, you become a self-confident person that other people would like to know too.

ohmigod I sound like a dodgy american talkshow host!!! :lol:

[sammie]

and how do i do that, oh great wise one!!!!!!!! hehehe

[cosywolf]

Come, little grasshopper, sit by my knee and I will tell you.

 

The earnest, long-winded answer:

A good guess would be: spend time on your own (on purpose:P). Don't dodge the bad questions you ask about yourself...give them honest answers, it's never as bad as you think it's going to be. Balance the icky bits out by being just as honest with yourself about the best bits. Forgive yourself all the stupid mistakes and try to be the person you'd like to be. It's easy:lol: You'll always do something cringeworthy or pathetic or mean sooner or later (I could make a career out of it - look I'm doing it now!) but if you know yourself well enough to feel safe owning up, apologising and making it better, and not doing it again, you'll have respect for yourself and it'll all balance out.

I used to spend a lot of time out at Stanage Edge kicking myself and trying to figure it all out. When I looked around the landscape around me was so big and had been there for so long and so didn't know or need me or care about my piddly problems, I got a real sense of perspective. In a good way

 

Alternatively:

Smile, stick to your guns, and get on with it. (a smile can scare people, it's great)

 

Anyway, how should I know? I'm a sofa. No, I'm a hat...a chair...garden ornament...[goes for a lie down, all philosophised out]

[hiyabeing]

I thought I would be lonely when my boyfriend of 7.5yrs told me he'd cheated on me and got her pregnant. Now she wants nothing to do with him (but luckily I managed to get him to move out before we ended up killing one another), and 6 months later I'm quite happy with my own company but do feel lonely sometimes.

But it only really seems to bother me when I'm having a few weepy period days. I moved to Sheffield for new job nearly 2 years ago and was working and studying hard, so not much time to go out and make new friends before my whole life and future (as I thought) was changed for me.

I am so enjoying my freedom and learning who I am and what I want, it really is so different when there's two of you. However, I do miss having someone there at the end of the day, when you lock the door and shut out the world for a bit.

I also seem to have this amazing recovery period of about 2 weeks (even for major upheaval), then my heads pretty sorted and I don't get as upset - must be that safety valve in my brain protecting me.