Would you expect to pay heating bills for your child to go to visit grandparents

[bananagirl 10]

I'm with bananagirl on this families should be responsible for each other, we hark back to this golden era of extended families & community spirit & all hanging out in street knowing our neighbours but noone wants to put anything in to gain that anymore.

 

 

You have totally hit the nail on the head, that is exactly my position on this subject. We have to accept responsibility for our own flesh and blood. We all stand to gain from it. Community spirit begins at home.

[Suffragette1 10]

That's sad, grandparents should be happy to fill those roles! My children go to a childminder, Their grandparents would much rather that they were with them rather than a stranger. Distance means this is not possible, but they would love it and appreciate the opportunity.

 

 

 

You have to go pretty far to abuse your own family. Blood is thicker than water. This reminds me of the time my brother bought a second had car for £13,000, he sold it to me after nearly a year for £7000. My mum and dad were furious he'd sold it to me rather than given it to me! We still talk about it now! Shame on him!

 

I'm not talking about serious abuse, but liberties we can't take with strangers, we can take with our families. What else distinguishes it as a family?

 

Well I see serious abuse in all its forms go on in families all the time. Most families I know are highly dysfunctional and people have been expected to put up with crap they would never tolerate from friends.

 

As they say, you can choose your friends and not your family. You're obviously very lucky in that you have a lovely functional and loving family. Mine thinks it is but is so is not. As I said, families are overrated, I'd much rather spend time with my friends any day, at least we do so because we want to not out of some filial or other familial obligation.

[coco_custard 10]

Sorry, no you didn't, I was referring back to Banana Girl's post.

 

I'm not sure I'd go as far to say that siblings to take responsibility for one another's children though. In having kids to some degree you do sign up for grandchildren which is entirely different to signing up for neices and nephews, IMO.

 

Point taken on that although my brother hasbeen highly offended when I haven't used him to full capacity as my emergency sitter!!

 

I do have a friend though who was in a car accident a few yrs ago, unfortunately her sister was in the passenger seat & died leaving 2 orphans (father having done one) they went to the grandparents who have had to put off retirement obviously now having a teen & a toddler to pay for. What do you think in this instance, do you think my friend should help out? Asking for honest opinion as I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh in my thoughts

[Suffragette1 10]

Point taken on that although my brother hasbeen highly offended when I haven't used him to full capacity as my emergency sitter!!

 

I do have a friend though who was in a car accident a few yrs ago, unfortunately her sister was in the passenger seat & died leaving 2 orphans (father having done one) they went to the grandparents who have had to put off retirement obviously now having a teen & a toddler to pay for. What do you think in this instance, do you think my friend should help out? Asking for honest opinion as I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh in my thoughts

 

God how awful, is the father not involved at all?

 

I do think, if I were in your friend's position that I would want to and at the very least, feel an obligation to share the guardianship, provided my circumstances allowed it. She must feel an awful sense of guilt.

[coco_custard 10]

I think that's thr problem she feels so guilty she's so angry that she wants everyone to hate her so she doesn't help out at all. In fact she then gt preg to her boyf, who lost his job so they moved out of their rented prop into the pub that her parents run but don't live in, rent free. His ex then did a runner to Oz leaving her/their 3 kids with him so now my friend is step mum to 3. mum to 1. BUT her parents have gone from near retirement to housing all these people & becoming parents again in their late 50's. Nightmare or what!

[coco_custard 10]

And no father didn't even come to funeral!!

[bananagirl 10]

Point taken on that although my brother hasbeen highly offended when I haven't used him to full capacity as my emergency sitter!!

 

If my brother lived closer, I would expect him to babysit and he would expect me to expect it! He regularly complains about not seeing the children enough, although he does talk on the phone with my son quite regularly.

 

I do have a friend though who was in a car accident a few yrs ago, unfortunately her sister was in the passenger seat & died leaving 2 orphans (father having done one) they went to the grandparents who have had to put off retirement obviously now having a teen & a toddler to pay for. What do you think in this instance, do you think my friend should help out? Asking for honest opinion as I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh in my thoughts

 

That's a terrible situation. Do you think the sister should help out more? It depends on her situation really. My brother earns a good wage, but he's single, it would be hard for him to suddenly cope with two babies. It depends on what's best for the children. Grandparents have the experience of raising kids and a proven track record...

[Suffragette1 10]

I think that's thr problem she feels so guilty she's so angry that she wants everyone to hate her so she doesn't help out at all. In fact she then gt preg to her boyf, who lost his job so they moved out of their rented prop into the pub that her parents run but don't live in, rent free. His ex then did a runner to Oz leaving her/their 3 kids with him so now my friend is step mum to 3. mum to 1. BUT her parents have gone from near retirement to housing all these people & becoming parents again in their late 50's. Nightmare or what!

 

God it sounds dreadful, your poor friend. In this instance then it's probably not a good idea for her to share joint guardianship as she has 4 kids to look after and must be highly stressed and frazzled to say the least, combine that with the guilt she must feel over her sister's death. I hope she is getting some sort of professional help. Was she driving the car? As for the father, he sounds like a real piece of work.

[coco_custard 10]

If my brother lived closer, I would expect him to babysit and he would expect me to expect it! He regularly complains about not seeing the children enough, although he does talk on the phone with my son quite regularly.

 

I think my brother would sit more but I like his company too!

 

 

 

That's a terrible situation. Do you think the sister should help out more? It depends on her situation really. My brother earns a good wage, but he's single, it would be hard for him to suddenly cope with two babies. It depends on what's best for the children. Grandparents have the experience of raising kids and a proven track record...

 

Yes I think she should help out more, not like a parent or even financially but with time more than anything, you know?

[Suffragette1 10]

Yes I think she should help out more, not like a parent or even financially but with time more than anything, you know?

 

But it all sounds like s nightmare. Does she not give her parents a break and have the kids for sleepovers, the occasional weekend etc? Or even babysit so her parents can go out?

[coco_custard 10]

God it sounds dreadful, your poor friend. In this instance then it's probably not a good idea for her to share joint guardianship as she has 4 kids to look after and must be highly stressed and frazzled to say the least, combine that with the guilt she must feel over her sister's death. I hope she is getting some sort of professional help. Was she driving the car? As for the father, he sounds like a real piece of work.

 

Yes she was driving, it was awful.

 

The worst is her boyfriends ex, she had 3 kids with him, dropped them off at school one day with dad to pick up then went to Oz with latest baby to be with her current partner & never said a word to anyone, sold all the kids things, clothes toys etc to pay for flights & this was December last year. She came back recently apparently to see them for 2 weeks but only stayed 10 days & really just to say she definitely didn't want them anymore

[bananagirl 10]

Yes I think she should help out more, not like a parent or even financially but with time more than anything, you know?

 

I agree, she's family and their blood. Probably the closest thing to their mother. She should certainly do whatever she can. The children would benefit, the grandparents would benefit and she would also benefit from having a close bond with them.

 

Loving cohesive families are hard work, but you can expect to get out what you put in.