Goodbye Cruel World

[Sir_Nigel 10]

Sometimes I wonder, Earth,

despite your vast age and remarkable girth

and the fact that you’re all anyone’s known since birth,

whether you’re really worth

saving.

 

This may be contentious and seldom ever stated,

but I’m starting to think you’re a little overrated.

And whilst this opinion may only be mine

I’m working to hasten your expected decline.

In case you’re oblivious and haven’t a clue

I’ll give you the gist of my problems with you.

 

Your transit is dull and predictable

Your sunsets a boring cliché.

Your deserts ho hum

your vistas hum drum

and your mountains just get in the way

 

Your environment should be much better -

seas warmer and hot places wetter.

To snowstorms I think you should say no

and who needs a frigging volcano?

 

But you’re also quite mean and vindictive.

You set out to hurt and destroy -

sending storm, flood and hurricane or rivers of fire

like the whims of a nasty small boy.

And spotting a small and innocuous town

you’ll wobble and shake ‘til the buildings fall down.

 

When people in sandals cry ‘Down with the car!’

I don’t think they realise how horrid you are.

Have you any idea how you get on the tits

of the people who live in the poorest bits?

After heaping both drought and disease on their backs

You then think it’s funny to blow down their shacks

Not once have you thought of the trouble you make

when you turn a subcontinent into a lake.

 

On a personal level I quite fail to see

What exactly it is that you’ve got against me.

 

Like the number of times I’ve been caught in the rain

And just as I’ve dried off you do it again!

 

Or that time I was meant to be catching a flight

But you kept us all fogbound in Leeds for the night.

 

And why do you always send 3 feet of snow

When you know I’ve got somewhere important to go?

 

When I think of the hassle a bad winter brings

I wonder: Why bother recycling things

So I’m not going to switch off my lights any more

And I’ll run over cyclists in my 4x4

Though some may admonish and call it a sin

I’ll chuck all my bottles in the newspaper bin

And if it gets personal between you and I

I’ll turn up the heating ‘til you burn up and die.

I’ll stick hot greenhouse gas

up your fat selfish ass.

‘Cos I won’t be the saviour

of your dreadful behaviour.

 

 

When one day you find yourself drifting in space

Devoid of all plant life and the whole human race

You’ll cry ‘Oh, no,

Where did everyone go?

Is it something I said?

They can’t all be dead’

And spinning there emptily you can pause to reflect

on the way you behaved and the lives you have wrecked.

Lucky for you, you’ll have plenty of time

to start off again with primordial slime.

[Rainrescue 10]

Brilliant - cup half empty?

[Mantaspook 14]

This is very good. I can see a lot of thought goes into making these witty poems, it's well worth it though, you make it look effortless Sir_Nigel.

 

I could just imagine someone like Jeremy Clarkson reading (ranting?) this out just before the shipping forecast on Radio 4, it'd certainly make a nice change from 'sailing by.'

[Impecunious 10]

love it!!!

[G12Ravda 10]

I like that Sir, I like it a lot.

Most of it hit on the funnybone spot.

Punchy and pointed, not perfect, but hey!

It gave me a smile and it brightened my day.

 

From a new-comer to writers corner.

[maidinsheff 10]

From a day in the office

where crap versus ****

to a crawl on the Parkway

c/o 'snail-paced git!'

to a cold house that's been wrecked

by the dog once again

and a bill from NPower

I am going INSANE......

I switch on the laptop

coffee in hand

and wonder what else

my tormentors have planned

'Goodbye Cruel World'

sounds right up my street

A poem by Sir Nigel

and I'm in for a treat

 

Brilliant, I loved it! Clever stuff. Just the tonic I needed.

........now where did I put the gin?