I dated a Sociopath!

[GSK 10]

I think any insinuation or suggestion that this is somehow the woman's fault for attracting this kind of person is absolutely inappropriate in this thread.

 

Hi Sarah,

 

I realise that this is a very touchy subject matter, and choice of words is important to convey correct meaning and intention. I did not mean to suggest that the abused, is to blame for the actions of the abuser.

 

Allow me to clarify my point of view.

 

To my way of thinking; it's not about fault, not about attracting, not about women or men either. The point I'm trying to make applies equally to all people.

 

Allowing yourself to be a position of vulnerability with someone you're not entirely sure about, is just asking for trouble, plain and simple. While in no way does this excuse the abuser, it's hardly a consolation for the abused to say, "oh well, it's not my fault".

 

There are some people in the world, who are not nice. That's just how it is. The only thing that counts (to my way of thinking) is to not allow yourself to become ensnared in an abusive relationship in the first place.

 

If anyone is in an abusive relationship right now. I suggest taking a good look at your priorities, how much do you value your life?

 

Sometimes the best relationship to have, is the one with yourself.

 

I hope my point of view doesn't sound too cruel or hard. For some reason I feel quite strongly about this issue, and about people in general allowing crap situations in their lives to continue. I think we all need to realise that we have the power within us to make things better for ourselves.

 

x

[the-lioness 10]

Hi Sarah,

 

I realise that this is a very touchy subject matter, and choice of words is important to convey correct meaning and intention. I did not mean to suggest that the abused, is to blame for the actions of the abuser.

 

Allow me to clarify my point of view.

 

To my way of thinking; it's not about fault, not about attracting, not about women or men either. The point I'm trying to make applies equally to all people.

 

Allowing yourself to be a position of vulnerability with someone you're not entirely sure about, is just asking for trouble, plain and simple. While in no way does this excuse the abuser, it's hardly a consolation for the abused to say, "oh well, it's not my fault".

 

There are some people in the world, who are not nice. That's just how it is. The only thing that counts (to my way of thinking) is to not allow yourself to become ensnared in an abusive relationship in the first place.

 

If anyone is in an abusive relationship right now. I suggest taking a good look at your priorities, how much do you value your life?

 

Sometimes the best relationship to have, is the one with yourself.

 

I hope my point of view doesn't sound too cruel or hard. For some reason I feel quite strongly about this issue, and about people in general allowing crap situations in their lives to continue. I think we all need to realise that we have the power within us to make things better for ourselves.

 

x

 

 

i thought that was a really good post... its true that in order to have a good relationship (which shouldnt be the only purpose in life anyway- you can be just as happy if not more so being single!) you have to value yourself in order not to put up with a bonehead! i think a lot of women (and men) feel that if their partner is controlling/ abusive towards them- it somehow means that they love them even more... so thats why they are so jealous/ posessive over them... having been in that situation myself I can say- its utter rhubarb!

[Agent Orange 11]

i thought that was a really good post... its true that in order to have a good relationship (which shouldnt be the only purpose in life anyway- you can be just as happy if not more so being single!) you have to value yourself in order not to put up with a bonehead! i think a lot of women (and men) feel that if their partner is controlling/ abusive towards them- it somehow means that they love them even more... so thats why they are so jealous/ posessive over them... having been in that situation myself I can say- its utter rhubarb!

 

Can I have custard with that? I am with you on this one and agree entirely

[missb 10]

Shall I begin?

 

The man who almost killed me....

 

• first few weeks - sweetness and light, charming, opening doors etc
  
• started to control-made me stay up until late even though I had to work( he doesn't work)
  
• started to give me the sob stories-ex's didn't treat him right, cows, took him for a fool etc
  
• started to ask for money for cigs, pay a speeding fine, take his points for speeding fine - all done in a poor me boo hoo way
  
• moved in his trash, burnt my carpet-never apologised
  
• started to thump me, a little thump at first then harder, pretended he was 'playing' but his eyes belied this
  
• started to control who I saw, what I did, when I went online, what I watched on TV, etc
  
• told me I was his 'angel', 'saviour' and that he'd never loved anyone as much even though he'd had lots and lots of gf's and been to PROSTITUTES ( he loved telling me this ) and been engaged twice.
  
• when we were out he would hold and 'crush' my hand and carried on even though I protested and told him it hurt
  

 

to be continued.... it gets worse.....

[shakermaker 10]

Hi Sarah,

 

I realise that this is a very touchy subject matter, and choice of words is important to convey correct meaning and intention. I did not mean to suggest that the abused, is to blame for the actions of the abuser.

 

Allow me to clarify my point of view.

 

To my way of thinking; it's not about fault, not about attracting, not about women or men either. The point I'm trying to make applies equally to all people.

 

Allowing yourself to be a position of vulnerability with someone you're not entirely sure about, is just asking for trouble, plain and simple. While in no way does this excuse the abuser, it's hardly a consolation for the abused to say, "oh well, it's not my fault".

 

There are some people in the world, who are not nice. That's just how it is. The only thing that counts (to my way of thinking) is to not allow yourself to become ensnared in an abusive relationship in the first place.

 

If anyone is in an abusive relationship right now. I suggest taking a good look at your priorities, how much do you value your life?

 

Sometimes the best relationship to have, is the one with yourself.

 

I hope my point of view doesn't sound too cruel or hard. For some reason I feel quite strongly about this issue, and about people in general allowing crap situations in their lives to continue. I think we all need to realise that we have the power within us to make things better for ourselves.

 

x

 

of course everything is that black and white

 

your point of view doesn't come accross as cruel or hard, just incredibly naiive, irresponsible and quite frankly, moronic

 

if you know nothing of these situations, keep your mouth shut

[whitehorses 10]

GEOFFREY, I don't wish to get in an argument with you, but it's very hard for you to understand this situation if you haven't been in it yourself.There are a lot of things tied up in relationships, and as the above poster said, it's not black and white, in this kind of situation, you end up feeling ashamed and as though it's your fault, and as though you can't show the outside world what a horible time you're having cos the abuser makes you think like that.Good god, having been through it, I'd be off like a shot now, it's so easy to shout 'Leave them'..Not as easy in practice, however, luckily I did leave, eventuallyand I would never ever be treated like that again.

[missb 10]

I am a mature, sensible ( thought I was ) and intelligent person who had the misfortune to be down on her luck - going through a bad time, divorce, work etc. Then along comes my Knight in shining armour - or so I thought. He took advantage and because I am a trusting person I let him. I didn't set out to have a rotten relationship, it happened. In the cold light of day I can look back and cannot believe I let him get away with it, but I did. Until you have been in this position ( and believe me you could be ) don't make judgements.

[missb 10]

GEOFFREY, I don't wish to get in an argument with you, but it's very hard for you to understand this situation if you haven't been in it yourself.There are a lot of things tied up in relationships, and as the above poster said, it's not black and white, in this kind of situation, you end up feeling ashamed and as though it's your fault, and as though you can't show the outside world what a horible time you're having cos the abuser makes you think like that.Good god, having been through it, I'd be off like a shot now, it's so easy to shout 'Leave them'..Not as easy in practice, however, luckily I did leave, eventuallyand I would never ever be treated like that again.

 

 

This is exactly what I think and feel!

[Guest Mod_Man]

Shall I begin?

 

The man who almost killed me....

 

• first few weeks - sweetness and light, charming, opening doors etc
  
• started to control-made me stay up until late even though I had to work( he doesn't work)
  
• started to give me the sob stories-ex's didn't treat him right, cows, took him for a fool etc
  
• started to ask for money for cigs, pay a speeding fine, take his points for speeding fine - all done in a poor me boo hoo way
  
• moved in his trash, burnt my carpet-never apologised
  
• started to thump me, a little thump at first then harder, pretended he was 'playing' but his eyes belied this
  
• started to control who I saw, what I did, when I went online, what I watched on TV, etc
  
• told me I was his 'angel', 'saviour' and that he'd never loved anyone as much even though he'd had lots and lots of gf's and been to PROSTITUTES ( he loved telling me this ) and been engaged twice.
  
• when we were out he would hold and 'crush' my hand and carried on even though I protested and told him it hurt
  

 

to be continued.... it gets worse.....

 

Did you not think his behaviour was a bit off from the outset? It seems like a lot of warning signs were there.

[HappyHoosier 10]

Hi Sarah,

 

I realise that this is a very touchy subject matter, and choice of words is important to convey correct meaning and intention. I did not mean to suggest that the abused, is to blame for the actions of the abuser.

 

Allow me to clarify my point of view.

 

To my way of thinking; it's not about fault, not about attracting, not about women or men either. The point I'm trying to make applies equally to all people.

 

Allowing yourself to be a position of vulnerability with someone you're not entirely sure about, is just asking for trouble, plain and simple. While in no way does this excuse the abuser, it's hardly a consolation for the abused to say, "oh well, it's not my fault".

 

There are some people in the world, who are not nice. That's just how it is. The only thing that counts (to my way of thinking) is to not allow yourself to become ensnared in an abusive relationship in the first place.

 

If anyone is in an abusive relationship right now. I suggest taking a good look at your priorities, how much do you value your life?Sometimes the best relationship to have, is the one with yourself.

 

I hope my point of view doesn't sound too cruel or hard. For some reason I feel quite strongly about this issue, and about people in general allowing crap situations in their lives to continue. I think we all need to realise that we have the power within us to make things better for ourselves.x

 

 

Dear Geoffrey,

 

It's easy for a person who doesn't fear for his life on a daily basis to make such comments.

 

Not all people have "the power to make things better for themselves." In fact, many women put themselves in even more danger when they try to leave abusive relationships and protect their children. There are countless examples of women who are gunned down in parking lots (or murdered in other ways) because they filed for divorce or bought a bus ticket. Restraining orders are a joke. And there are many men who don't mind committing suicide as long as they can take their wives and children with them.

 

Your comments certainly sound like victim-blaming to me.

[SarahD 10]

Why are people being judgemental? I don't think it's the time for opinions on why this happens, especially when they come across as insensitive like some of the comments in this thread.

[HappyHoosier 10]

For those of you who think getting in or out of an abusive relationship is merely a matter of choice, check out these incredible stats from the (American) National Domestic Violence Hotline. (For documentation info, check out http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_in_america.html)

 

On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day.

 

1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

 

37% of all women who sought care in hospital emergency rooms for violence–related injuries were injured by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

For 30% of women who experience abuse, the first incident occurs during pregnancy.

 

74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while they were at work.

 

74% of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner (spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.