What help can I get from this??

[eyeopener]

chin up love and stay strong.

 

---------- Post added 14-08-2013 at 11:09 ----------

 

quote

 

i do need to take care of myself but its hard when i have bad negative thoughts in my head which is controlling my brain e.g getting kids back what if they wont be returned to me or what if my ex funds someone and he and she play happy families with my youngest and im left alone i cant and wont let that happen it provokes my envy coz they are mine and his kids no one elses and she will have no right to be part of their lifes, further more what if i dont find anyone else what if i cant find my happiness?

 

 

 

 

 

you need stop and think those children are yours and your ex partners, if anbody else comes along they do not have any rights to have any involvment with your children, so dont worry about your ex playing happy family with his new partner when he gets one because that will not happen.

 

i can understand how you feel, you feel envious, jealousy, lack of confidence i can go on...... all the feelings you have is because you are hurting deep inside but once you get the threapy you need all that would change and you will find some happiness in your life.

[babyblueeyes]

Thats what my fears are that he and this woman when she appears plays happy families with MY kids if he finds anyone i dont want her to be anywhere near my kids, be part of them or any sort of involvment because she when she appears have nothing to do with my kids they are MINE and HIS no one else.

 

i havent expressed my feelings to ex because he doesnt want to know me let alone speak to me, and when i do speak to him he ll just say " its got nothing to do with me etc etc " when it does because im the kids mother.

 

arrrrrgggggg this is ******* me off to the core im hurting real bad.

[catpus]

That's what my fears are; that he and this woman, when she appears, plays happy families with MY kids. If he finds anyone, I dont want her to be anywhere near my kids, be part of them or any sort of involvment because she when she appears have nothing to do with my kids they are MINE and HIS no one else.

 

I havent expressed my feelings to ex because he doesnt want to know me let alone speak to me, and when i do speak to him he ll just say " its got nothing to do with me etc etc " when it does because im the kids mother.

 

arrrrrgggggg this is ******* me off to the core im hurting real bad.

 

Hi again BBE

 

I find myself disagreeing with Eye Opener on this one,

No one will ever dispute that your children are yours, but they are not your possessions.... Throughout their lives they are going to have contact with other people, this is a fact of life. Will you stop them having contact with teachers, or doctors? This would be extremely negative. What you can do is your best to see that their experiences with other people is positive.

As your ex says - unfortunately - whatever he does and who he has as a partner now, really is not your concern. Would you rather that he and a new partner played 'unhappy families?''

I understand that you feel rejected and jealous, because you said so. But no amount of anger and rage will make him change his mind and come back to you. This will only push him further away from you. Could it be that the reason he doesn't want to speak to you is that it develops into recriminations and a slanging match?

My advice at this time, for your children's sake, would be to move on from your attachment to him, and begin building a respectful relationship with him and his new partner, for the benefit of the children..

In my experience the biggest damage done to a child is when one parent belittles or denigrates the other... this is just not acceptable at all, and will be frowned upon seriously by Social Services and the Judge.

Children should never ever be forced to take sides. They will always love you both equally if left to get on with it. Driving a wedge in there will cause them untold emotional problems when they grow up - just like it has for you... and I'm absolutely sure you don't want that?

Have you spoken to your GP about Cognitive Therapy yet?

It is vital that you do this ASAP....

Has anyone explained to you why your visits are only every 5 weeks while your children's Father's visits are weekly?

This may seem unfair, but there must be a reason?

In my experience, the reason your eldest, has been removed out of Sheffield (The one you said presented with unexplained injuries) is that the authorities thought that he was at risk... Surely someone must have spoken to you about this? If not - this is doing you a great disservice and I would be asking why?

I am really sorry you are hurting so much BBE, but the only way out of it is to ''Take one step at a time. Walk before you can run. Jump one hurdle at a time.'' Try not to make more problems than you are coping with already.

Be kind to yourself. Avoid negative things like Drinking and Drugs, which are a short term fix, that end up taking you lower than you already feel. Focus on doing positive things that raise your self esteem, Go to a Gym, Swim, Go for a walk or a bus trip in the countryside, Get your hair done, Read a book....

I always find it enlightening to read about other people's problems. Like Jane Elliott's ''The Little Prisoner'' and Dave Pelzer's book ''A child called It.'' These two books are about children who triumphed over adversity and evil, which can really put things into perspective... and could be helpful?.

The last thing I would say to you is choose carefully who you associate with... and pour your heart out to in your everyday life... for many people can't cope with other people's problems, and sadly....will want to distance themselves from you, which will serve only to affirm your already low esteem.. . I am reminded of a saying that my Auntie used a lot ''Laugh and the world laughs with you; Cry and you cry alone.'' Which is so true - it is human nature to want to be with people who are up beat and positive, but there again not OTT.

 

Keep us up to date on your visit to the GP and Counsellor BBE... there are a lot of people here supporting you and wishing you well.

As I said before.. you can always PM me if you want to talk one to one.

Edited August 14, 2013 by catpus

[eyeopener]

i disagree with what your saying about the childrens father, at end of the day he and she created them so it should just be about them no other people involvrd im sure babyblueyes doesnt have anyone but if she did im sure she wouldnt let her partner if she had one be involved in the childrens lives.

[babyblueeyes]

hiya catpus hi eyeopner

 

yes i have booked an appointment to doctors regarding the CBT so just go to go down and talk about it for her to refer me.

 

if either of us got into a new relationship they would not have anything to do with our children because i wont allow it i have watched jeremy kyle and when he tells the people on show that their new relationships should back off and let the parents be parents to the children i agree all the time with jezza hes the best controversiol show.

 

i am trying to do things to keep my mind off things i am attending gym, i go to mates, i do what i like to do but all time something pops into my head and then bam ex is back in picture well its hard for me to explain

[eyeopener]

hi bbe

 

i know how your feeling, listen theres a fair at hillsbrough do you fancy going this saturday/sunday?

[babyblueeyes]

i would love go to the fair thank you for asking, i been to the family planning clinic today to get tested for any sti's got to wait for the results and also go to go back in 3 weeks to do a pregnancy test as that moment of madness was insane of me and stupid i wasnt thinking straight and was in a state.

[eyeopener]

hi babyblueeyes

 

thats very good that you went to get tested it was very silly and stupid of you to get yourself in that way in first place, as for the preganacy test do you want to be pregnant?and what if you are? whats the deal with you and this guy that you slept with? i mean are you together or friends or not at all anything?

 

you have children already that dont live with you, do you want to go down that route again?

 

my advice is becareful next time and dont take any risks im here if you need a chat.

[babyblueeyes]

hiya

 

yes i know it was stupid it was moment of madness no i dont want to be pregnant however i do get broody when im around ppl that got babies as i miss mine. the guy i slept with didnt mean anything to me i founf out he had a fiancee so he cheated on her with me which i hate myself even more, i miss my kids and i miss my ex he was everything to me and i still love him so much from the bottom of my heart. you now know who he is (sportstrophy)hes on this forum since you found out on other thread

[monkey69]

its very brave of you to open up like that on here. reading through the posts i get the impression that people believe that things will get better.

in a sense they will but you will forever have those thoughts racing around your head.

i guess instead of wishing away your past you have to think of the future, your children must come first, i know that in time they will grow up and move away but for now just cherish the time you have with them.

i am sure they take a big chunk of your time up, the little bit of time you have for yourself you must make the best of.

As for feeling loved surly you get that for your children? is that not enough for you?