What help can I get from this??

[babyblueeyes 10]

Thank u - staunton I'm hoping so I feel so alone and abdonded.

[Staunton 18]

Thank u - staunton I'm hoping so I feel so alone and abdonded.

 

I'm sure that things feel really hard right now. But you have made a start.

 

You have gone to a counsellor, and that is a big step that must have taken great courage. So well done!

 

But do remember to protect yourself - remind yourself that you have made the choice to come to terms with the things that have happened in the past.

 

And never forget that nothing that happened was your fault.

 

It will take time, things that are really worthwhile never come easily.

 

But you will make it through. I really am certain!

[babyblueeyes 10]

Thank you and I hope so I ve lost everyone close to me coz of the way I am my dmy kids,ex and my friends I miss my kids so much they were taken into care well youngest 2 with ex parents I miss my ex its unbearable not having him att all in my life and I can't cope that he moving forward because my heart still belongs to him and most of all I miss my friends so I'm very much alone coz of the way I am. I'm so depressed

 

---------- Post added 12-08-2013 at 08:34 ----------

 

My behaviour is appalling not to mention what I did last week with that guy I was trying to block ex out and in spare of moment slept with the guy but no matter what I do I still have ex on my mind my head is all scrwed up and yet ex called me a slag what's that all about??????

[Staunton 18]

I can hear that you are feeling very vulnerable right now. That is no surprise, there are a lot of things going on for you at the moment, and many of those things are very distressing. So there is no wonder you are feeling the way you do.

 

But there are no easy fixes. Things take time. And remember that you have made a start!

 

Try to be easy on yourself - tell yourself that you are making changes.

 

Remind yourself that you have got some support from your counsellor, and that you are working towards making a real difference in your life!

 

Don't be too impatient - things sound very complex, and they will take time to untangle.

 

But they can be untangled, and with the help you've got, you will soon be in a position to start making some plans - but that time is not yet. First, you need time just to be still, and to think about small steps with your counsellor.

 

One thing that can help is if you can find someone to be on your side - a friend or a relative, or just someone you trust or who seems wise and approachable to you. Someone who you can talk about your counselling with. Someone who will encourage you and hear what you are saying.

 

It would be much better if this person was a woman, because there are so many emotional things going on in your life right now, and blokes can be rubbish at this sort of thing.

 

If you can think of someone you might trust - give them a try! They might be really pleased to help.

 

And remember - give yourself that time. It is important to look after ourselves - so don't be in a hurry.

[babyblueeyes 10]

I did have friends I could trust friends from church but I blow my friendship I accused them of taking sides with my ex I tried to reason with them telling them how I feel and that but I do sometimes get a response that's no help to me and they are busy with their life they have a baby of their own and work so that's sometimes a problem coz I do feel like I need to have shoulder to cry on or ear to listen

[Staunton 18]

I did have friends I could trust friends from church but I blow my friendship I accused them of taking sides with my ex I tried to reason with them telling them how I feel and that but I do sometimes get a response that's no help to me and they are busy with their life they have a baby of their own and work so that's sometimes a problem coz I do feel like I need to have shoulder to cry on or ear to listen

 

I am sure there will be someone who would love to be there for you. If you are a church member, you might feel able to talk to the minister - ask them if they know anyone they feel could help. Churches have lots of resources, and there are always supportive people somewhere in their network.

 

That sounds like a really good place to start.

 

If you feel brave enough you could contact the minister today.

 

Don't be worried, and don't be shy - be upfront. Tell them you are having some real difficulties.

 

Explain that you are having some counselling, but say that you would really value someone who could just offer that extra bit of support.

 

You may be surprised - you might find that they will know someone who is just the right person to be there for you at this difficult time.

[babyblueeyes 10]

Thank you and I will seek solace from someone who can support me I hope they are more understanding and feel what I'm feeling, right now I'm feeling low, depressed, anger and hatred all at once and its doing me no good and envy coz ex moving on to another girl it does upset me coz I aint over him and I don't think I ever will as I'm still in love with him.

[Alcoblog 10]

Thank you and I hope so I ve lost everyone close to me coz of the way I am my dmy kids,ex and my friends I miss my kids so much they were taken into care well youngest 2 with ex parents I miss my ex its unbearable not having him att all in my life and I can't cope that he moving forward because my heart still belongs to him and most of all I miss my friends so I'm very much alone coz of the way I am. I'm so depressed

 

---------- Post added 12-08-2013 at 08:34 ----------

 

My behaviour is appalling not to mention what I did last week with that guy I was trying to block ex out and in spare of moment slept with the guy but no matter what I do I still have ex on my mind my head is all scrwed up and yet ex called me a slag what's that all about??????

 

I'm picking up on the fact that you state you're depressed. From personal experience, I'd suggest you need to address this problem first ... it's a horrible thing to happen and whilst in this state (once again, from personal experience), it's impossible to function correctly.

 

I found that I could only remember all the bad things that had ever happened to me ... it's a lot easier to remember these than the good things, which often just get forgotten ... you're in a black hole. You do irrational things that seem like a good idea at the time ... you've mentioned one on here (and in another thread) that you're now feeling bad about.

In reality, it's more than likely that far more nice things have happened to you than the bad things that you now dwell on. (There's no doubt that you've had some pretty horrible stuff happen though).

 

You've mentioned counselling, but you haven't mentioned seeing a GP. A GP can help you with depression. Drugs do work.

Once the medication kicks in, you see things in a completely different and rational perspective.

 

Combine this with counselling and you're a different person ... the dark cloud vanishes and you can process the bad things in a completely rational manner.

Once again, I state that this is from personal experience (although to be honest, I found the medication more efficacious than the counselling ... I know why, but that's a different topic). I went through this several years ago and have never looked back.

 

So ... see a GP. (If you are, which is probable, although you haven't mentioned it, ignore what I've just written). I wish you all the best.

[catpus 10]

I did have friends I could trust friends from church but I blow my friendship I accused them of taking sides with my ex I tried to reason with them telling them how I feel and that but I do sometimes get a response that's no help to me and they are busy with their life they have a baby of their own and work so that's sometimes a problem coz I do feel like I need to have shoulder to cry on or ear to listen

 

The problem is that as you have already identified.. friends will be busy with their own lives and families... and the advice you are seeking from them or the confirmation of what you are feeling will not always be what you want to hear... but no doubt will be their honest opinions, and sometimes the honest truth is not what any of us want to hear..... so we reject it, believing that we are misunderstood.

But in your case, I think it is vitally important that you begin to listen to what the people who are now involved with you are saying... I feel that you may have closed your ears to protect yourself in one way, but then go out and do something that confirms your own low opinion of yourself....

This is what has to change.

Is there a Social Worker on your case?

Alcoblog makes a valid point about focussing on the good that has happened in your life rather than the bad, although clearly, four of the good things have now been removed, so realistically the dark cloud is not going to lift very quickly. As I said before, the Judicial Process takes a long time....so you need to work out a coping mechanism with whatever support agency you have at the moment...and set out a new direction for your life, because obviously your previous one failed you.

Do you take any prescribed or recreational meds at the moment?

If you would like to PM me instead of bearing all on here, I will gladly help if I can. I have some experience.

[babyblueeyes 10]

hi catus and Alcoblog no i dont have a social worker although my childen does she has said that she will come with me to my doctors to seek threapy that i need, but i have to book an appointmnet to fit around when she can come with me as for the medication side no i dont take any form of medication i was told that if i took anti depresants that it would make me feel worse for 2 weeks then i ll become dependant on them which i ll proberly will.

[catpus 10]

hi catus and Alcoblog no i dont have a social worker although my childen does she has said that she will come with me to my doctors to seek threapy that i need, but i have to book an appointmnet to fit around when she can come with me as for the medication side no i dont take any form of medication i was told that if i took anti depresants that it would make me feel worse for 2 weeks then i ll become dependant on them which i ll proberly will.

 

Then take up her offer and make an appointment ASAP. The sooner you are seen to be complying and making positive steps the sooner your problem will be resolved...

It isn't medication you actually need it is Cognitive Therapy to go through your history and get it all into boxes that you can cope with. It sounds tricky, but is very effective.

You are well on your way, because you have actually identified what most of your problems stem from?

Good luck girl.

[babyblueeyes 10]

thank you catus and yes i will book an appointment with my docs i do admit i have problems behond my control and it needs sorting coz i cant cope like this anymore, i have been through so much i just want a happy normal life without any hurt, pain or anger or envy or jelousy just pure happiness.

 

---------- Post added 12-08-2013 at 19:25 ----------

 

how long does this cognative behaviour threapy lasts i mean how long would it take to complete it that is if i can complete it.