September 2011 theme and competition entries

[Tallyman 10]

September theme & competition: Ancient Remains

Set by Greg2

 

This theme invites you to imagine a story related to ancient remains. You might be inspired by some aspect of last month’s court case brought by a Druid disputing the digging up of Druid remains from Stonehenge, and write perhaps about the lives of Druids whose remains were buried at Stonehenge, or the concerns of present day Druids, or the perspective of the scientists here at Sheffield Univ who have dug up the remains. Or of course you might write about some entirely different set of ancient remains.

 

TO ENTER: Competition entries of 500 words or less should be posted on this thread. If you prefer to write a longer story, outside of the competition, then please post it in a new thread with both the title and 'September 2011' in the heading.

 

JUDGING: Greg2 will judge the entries, and will announce the winner in early October.

 

THE PRIZE: The prestige of becoming the SFWG Competition Winner AND the opportunity to choose the writing theme for November 2011.

 

COMPETITION PROTOCOL: All writers enjoy receiving feedback, be it high praise or constructive criticism, but in the interests of competition decorum, please could we ask you not to post your comments on individual entries until after the winner has been announced. After that, please feel free to let rip with as much feedback as you like!

 

Any problems posting/uploading your piece, please consult the guidance 'stickies' at the top of the Forum page. If you still have problems, please contact either Tallyman or Ron Blanco.

 

Have fun!

 

Tallyman

[De Batz 10]

Before the time of Homer, before even the Trojans and the Greeks had fought their war, there lived two brothers. These brothers were born in the east, the sons of a God more ancient and more powerful than Zeus himself. Their names were Pita and Don. At their birth, a great convulsion shook the earth, and the sky rained fire and ice together. The animals hid in their holes and the leaves on the trees turned as black as the darkest night. The day after, an eagle flew over them, coming from the North, dropping from its talons a snake, which landed between the two brothers as they slept in their cribs. It curled first around one then the other, but did not harm them. Only when their mother, who was a great sage and oracle of her people, entered the room, did the snake stir. See! It raises its face above the ground, and darts to strike her ankle! She dies, twisting her limbs around herself, vomiting forth black bile and blood. Orphaned, the brothers came into the care of a great King of the East, whose name is so ancient that it cannot be written. He was childless, so he took them as his sons.

They grew to be great warriors, stronger than even the King's champion. When they came into adulthood, the King promised that they should inherit his Kingdom. “My children,” He says to them, “You shall each take what is due to you. It is by your merits that I shall divide my realm between you.”

The sons looked at each other. Pita was proud, so he said to his brother Don, “I am the greater, therefore my share of the kingdom will be greater than yours.”

Don, who loved his brother more than his brother loved him, replied, “Then it shall be so, as you are indeed greater.” It was so, as when the King died he left a greater part of his Kingdom to Pita.

 

One morning, Don was walking in his garden when he was stopped by a devil of Shatan. The devil showed Don that he could have everything, if only he would strike a bargain with him that his soul would forever belong to Shatan. Don refuses him, saying, “I love my brother. I do not accept your bargain.”

The devil is angry, and flies to Pita's palace, making Pita the same offer. Pita did not love his brother, and he accepted the devil's covenant.

When Don visited his brother, he saw that his kingdom was awash with riches. “My brother,” He said to Pita, “It saddens me that you have dealt with the devil. We were orphans raised to Kings. Now you are Shatan's servant.”

“No, my brother.” Pita replies. “I shall live forever.”

“Then, because I love you, I would share your curse.”

 

(Latin MS, trans ES 1544 QCC)

[greg2 10]

Hi all

 

I hope you will forgive a slight delay in judging the September competition - I'm afraid I have to be out of touch at the beginning of October. But I should be able to find something connected by 7 October, and promise that the writing competition will be the first thing I deal with! Apologies for prolonging the suspense

 

greg2

[Tallyman 10]

Thank you for your entry, De Batz! Although Greg2 will be posting soon with the official result of this month's competition, I have a good feeling about it!

 

Please check out the October theme and put your writing heads on.

 

Tallyman

[FatDave 11]

Sorry Greg, I wanted to enter but someone kept steeling my time this last month, every time I sat down I found a reason to get back up.

Edited October 1, 2011 by FatDave

[Ian Rivedon 10]

Sorry from me, too. I have been totally preoccupied by the build up to my first week at university last week. However, I'm doing Creative Writing as part of my course, so hopefully, the effect will be apparent in future competitions. In a positive way, I hope!

 

IR

[greg2 10]

Coming down from the mountains I find that judging the September competition will be less demanding than I feared! Many thanks for your entry De Batz, which cleverly created an epic atmosphere in a short passage, and is a worthy winner. The orphaned brothers build authenticity by echoing classics such as Romulus and Remus. I particularly liked the reference at the end, creating the impression of a story which has passed through many tellings, and reminding how much we are in the hands of the translators when reading a story originally written or spoken in another language.

If I have understood the ending correctly, the sharing of the curse means both brothers live forever, so we can perhaps look forward to their entries in the October competition.

 

greg2

[De Batz 10]

Yes - I'm very much guilty of the the thing I find myself pointing out in others' work: the pruning of a much larger story down to fit the 500 word limit! These two appear in a few of my short stories, and have featured in other entries in the monthly competition. No doubt they will be involved again!

 

Andy

[Ron Blanco 10]

Well done, De Batz. You've got to be in it to win it. I liked the piece, which I thought you carried off with great authenticity. I liked this line: "the brothers came into the care of a great King of the East, whose name is so ancient that it cannot be written." Very Good.

 

Will there be fireworks in November, I wonder? We shall see.

Edited October 19, 2011 by Ron Blanco
Typo. Tut, tut!