Notification Of Compulsory Enlistment

[Moon Maiden 10]

Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act(1978), you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict. You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth. The regulars are too busy driving Green Goddesses to be there themselves. Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us

any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone.

 

H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% iscount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer (Ryan Air also do a nice little £9.99 trip). Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to

provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:

* Combat Jacket

* Trousers(preferably khaki - but please no denim)

* Tin helmet

* Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)

* Gas mask

* Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor Leisure Map of Iraq will do)

* Rifle

* Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)

* Suntan oil

 

If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a

tank (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new

conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only available whilst stocks last).

We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75 per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose. There may be little time for formal military training before your departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch:

* The Guns of Navarron

* Kelly's Heroes

* A Bridge to Far

* The Longest Day

* Apocalypse Now

* The Dirty Dozen

* Hamburger Hill

* Full Metal Jacket

* Missing In Action

 

We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum. To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of

Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may be involved.

 

Yours faithfully,

 

G Hoon, Ministry of Defence.

 

A Bush - Blair Production

Sponsored by Coca-Cola, The Official Drink of World War III

[Geoff 10]

This is excellent - I can't believe no-one replied before!

 

Did you make it up yourself? Or was it one of those email things?

 

Geoff

[halevan 11]

Ha bloody Ha!

[Moon Maiden 10]

No - i found it on one of the forums I visit.

 

I largely take part in pagan/witchy forums, I am finding large numbers of people 'offended' by it. Large group postings about the anti war marches in February *puke*

 

Am I the only person in the whole world who just cannot see why they are all whinging.

 

In war people die - sad fact - helps with over population - there ya go. People have gone to war over less.

 

Moon Maiden

[Guest Guest]

The Anti War campaigners, have the right to demonstrate, due to the fact that our ancestors fought two world wars etc !

Can they not see the logic, yes people die in wars, always have, always will, that is why the act of war is not taken lightly !

Problem with the Anti War 'brigade', is they would not have wanted Hitler sorting out, in fact Tony Benn would probably have gone for a chat with him !

[Moon Maiden 10]

Yeah - point taken - they do have a right to campaign against the war.

 

Heaven help us if conscription is brought in - all those folk as concientious objectors. It's a flippin insult to those that died and suffered in the wars gone by - and the thousands still buried under Sheffield

 

Moon Maiden

[Michael_W 11]

Forgot to log in again that Guest was me again !

[Michael_W 11]

Totally Agree 100% the Anti War mob are an insult to those who fought for their freedom !

[Guest Guest]

try reading some war poetry (Owen etc) and then argue that an anti-war protest is an insult to those who died.

[Guest Guest]

Wilfred Owen:

 

"...We laughed, knowing that better men would come,

And greater wars,

When each proud fighter brags:

He wars on Death, for Life,

Not men for flags".

 

I am pretty certain that he wouldn't have been insulted that thousands (millions?) of people are going to London this weekend to argue that bombing is not the solution. He would have been proud. Instead of arguing that war is inevitable or unavoidable I think that we should be trying to be the 'better men' that he writes about - for the sake of those, like Owen, who died or lost loved ones during war.

[Moon Maiden 10]

Instead of arguing that war is inevitable or unavoidable I think that we should be trying to be the 'better men' that he writes about - for the sake of those, like Owen, who died or lost loved ones during war.

 

You can talk about being the better man all you like when we have a country full of muslim fanatics wishing to sell your daughters because it will become the first religion of the UK.

Or better still - you stand up for your rights - as you take your right to speak out against war now - but the taliban is ruling now so you and your family and all associated heretics are murdered.

 

Like me - who lost relatives during WWI & II. Had family in the Falkslands and who did frequent tours of Ireland, not to mention my uncle who served during the gulf war and who will put his arse back on the line again in this war flying over enemy territory.

 

Do not preach to me about lost soldiers - I am the child of a long line of soldiers, sailors and Air Force personel and I can love & light it as good as the next person - I just happen to live in this reality and not the one in your head.

 

Why don't you just spit in the face of every serviceman and woman in the British Isles and have done with it - they didn't join up to play mickey mouse and have tea parties - they joined to protect this country and us in peacetime and in war. The vast majority of them will be fully trained and prepared for war - unlike some recruits in the Falklands and WW1 & 2.

 

War is not pretty is not nice but if it means I don't have to walk round speaking in a foreign language and i am as free as I am now to practise the religion I wish to - then lets kick their arses please.

 

You can sign your petitions and make your marches it is your right. But you are not going to convince me that there is a peaceful solution to a madman and religious fantatics.

 

Moon Maiden

[Michael_W 11]

Life is not about poetry

Poetry is about life

 

So Guest, what is the alternative solution offered by our Anti War demonstrators ?????

I haven't heard one yet !