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Depression and your relationship


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Hi Guys,

 

Just wanted a few thoughts...

 

If you suffer from depression and i do, and you are having troubles in your relationship and it doesn't feel.....quite right, ho do you know if it's a true feeling or the depression making you feel that there's something wrong?

If you are down, everything always seems far worse than you know it actually is, yet you are helpless to be rational (that's just me anyway) and if you are "on an up day" how do you know it's not "false" happiness?

If you jacked your relationship, would be dropping the preverbial big hairy sac?

 

Tried to work at it, before you say to try, he doesn't understand depression, doesn't try to and i think, is very unsupportive in all aspects of our home life.

 

And don't even get me started on the lack of "romantic" encounters, they are very few and far between...

 

What do you think????

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I can totally relate to wat ur saying!! ever since havin meningitis at 16 (im 24 now) ive suffered off and on with depression. ive been feelin quite low towards the end of my pregnancy and i feel this is effecting my relationship wiv my partner.

 

all i can say is go to ur docs and ask to be referred to see a counsellor. i think they are such a good help, talkin to strangers seems to help quite a lot.

 

xxx

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If you suffer from depression and i do, and you are having troubles in your relationship and it doesn't feel.....quite right, ho do you know if it's a true feeling or the depression making you feel that there's something wrong?

 

Hey W - usually what I do is wait until I feel a little happier (or try and make myself a little happier somehow) then have a think about things again. It's the depressive's version of "Think about it when you're sober, then think about it when you're drunk - if you feel the same way about it both times then that's really what you think".

 

If you are down, everything always seems far worse than you know it actually is, yet you are helpless to be rational (that's just me anyway) and if you are "on an up day" how do you know it's not "false" happiness?

 

A note about false happiness first - depression is a pernicious illness, and one of its most pernicious facets is that it tends to make you concentrate on it as if feeling depressed is the real thing and all else is merely transitory. This is a lie because all feelings are transitory, even feelings of depression. What you have to do is to choose to believe that that happiness is the true thing and the depression the false thing, no matter how bad it gets.

 

In terms of judging overall happiness though what I tend to do is mull over the more general aspects of our relationship then talk them over with my partner. If you ain't talking 'bout stuff then maybe you should give it a go.

 

 

And don't even get me started on the lack of "romantic" encounters, they are very few and far between...

 

What do you think????

 

I think you need more romantic encouters!

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I've not officially got depression (but always felt I have something, even if it's just a borderline thing) and that's exactly how I feel sometimes. Whenever I'm feeling run down and thoroughly fed up I over-think everything to do with our relationship and get paranoid about certain feelings, and even paranoid about waking up and not being in love anymore. And then when I'm on a high it's like everything is perfect and couldn't possibly be any better.

 

Definitely wait until you feel like you're having a rational and sober moment and think it over carefully, and then talk to your boyfriend about it if you feel you need to. You should talk to him anyway if you feel he's not supporting you. Although, I know that when I'm down I don't feel like my boyfriend supports me, but to be honest I don't think anyone could because I'm feeling so selfish and self-pitying at the time. And I tend to think in my head what I want him to do, but not say anything and then get upset when he gets it wrong! Poor boy.

 

Oh and as for the romantic bit, take the bull by the horns! Surprise him with some candles and a meal, or some sexy underwear, buy him flowers. Men actually like receiving flowers and presents too.

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Hey W - usually what I do is wait until I feel a little happier (or try and make myself a little happier somehow) then have a think about things again. It's the depressive's version of "Think about it when you're sober, then think about it when you're drunk - if you feel the same way about it both times then that's really what you think".

 

 

 

A note about false happiness first - depression is a pernicious illness, and one of its most pernicious facets is that it tends to make you concentrate on it as if feeling depressed is the real thing and all else is merely transitory. This is a lie because all feelings are transitory, even feelings of depression. What you have to do is to choose to believe that that happiness is the true thing and the depression the false thing, no matter how bad it gets.

 

In terms of judging overall happiness though what I tend to do is mull over the more general aspects of our relationship then talk them over with my partner. If you ain't talking 'bout stuff then maybe you should give it a go.

 

That is SO very true - everything changes, life itself is a process of change, and feelings do change over time. That's very important to realise when you're in the grip of depression - It Will Pass. Nothing stays the same.

 

StarSparkle

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the only time a real sheffield bloke should get flowers is at his funeral

 

This is true:thumbsup:.

 

I, for one, would be rather disturbed if the GF gave me flowers (other than the cauli or daffodil (they taste like lettuce) variety):D

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