If someone is not born into a Japanese family, should they be punished for not speaki

[EdnaKrabappe]

Purdy, I haven't read this post until now. I know things frustrate you, you know they frustrate me too but I'm probably better at keeping them in than you and giving the impression to the world that everything is hunky dorey. What I am trying to say is, we are all aliens in our own way, just some people are better at disguising and repressing those feelings than others and sometimes you've probably lost sight of that. Big hugs and don't give up. You've got more fighting spirit than most!

[hels1977]

Something similar was told to me when I was in Japan. It was along the lines of that you can spend 50+ years in Japan, speak the language fluently, know and participate in local traditions etc, even raise a family, but unless you were born there, you will never truly be Japanese. The same person also told me to ignore all that and see and accept Japanese people for the wonderful kind and generous people that they are. I empathise with you, and it's not the first time I've heard something similar. I hope things improve for you soon, I really do. Don't take it personally, it's not mean that way

[lizzmobile]

Sometimes when you stop trying, things just fall into place.

 

Just a thought

[purdyamos]

I stopped trying this year, Lizz, and everything I thought I'd built up has evaporated again. I really thought I could trust what I'd got but I was wrong again. I've done every possible permutation of what people say is being human, and it never works. Being myself has never worked. Not trying just brings condemnation for 'not trying'. There isn't any piece of advice or technique or methodological approach that I have not applied over the years, it doesn't work. Some people are made of velcro no matter how sh***y, selfish, they are, people stick to them in a solid ball of unconditional chumminess.

 

I honestly didn't start this thread for advice, because I've had my fill. I've been there, done that, round and round, year after year. Nothing works, because fundamentally, at its deepest root, people want to be with people who are like them, and I never am no matter how much I shine in my own way.

 

I wasn't looking for sympathy, either. This is a cold, hard reality that I'm having to come to terms with once and for all. Everyone has flaws, but some are culturally indulged and forgiven, others are considered incorrect, and I can't for the life of me see what the difference is. The things I want are so simple it's pathetic. The things most people have and do without even thinking about, because to them it's as natural as speaking Japanese. If I don't try speaking Japanese, I can't seem to speak it at all.

 

Oh, and I know there will be people who will accuse me of 'attention seeking'. Well I would say to them - look at all the people who talk about their kids, or their job, or their car, or their hair or their relationship dilemmas or their bus journeys or their shopping or their holiday or their LIFE! Why is any of that not attention seeking, but if I talk about my life and concerns, as they do theirs, it's suddenly not acceptable?

[*_ash_*]

<snipped>

I honestly didn't start this thread for advice, because I've had my fill. I've been there, done that, round and round, year after year. Nothing works, because fundamentally, at its deepest root, people want to be with people who are like them, and I never am no matter how much I shine in my own way.....,<snipped>

 

I know you read my blog about where this week, I let my guard down to allow the possibililty of some happiness in, and felt slapped in the face... well, everyone has there way of dealing with things, and as you know, I shut everything down and everyone out, until the feeling of being 'let down', hurt, or just simply p****d off has subsided.....

 

Then today I was doing some more gardening at t'Mothers 'ouse, and I was having a ciggy break, and sat watching this enourmous purple plant being swarmed by loads of bees. Loads and loads of flowers on it.

They just seemed to 'hop' between the flowers on the plant, without a care in the world, if there's nothing in the flower they hover to another. I just thought, why do they do it? What's the point? What will they get out of doing this all day? Aren't they annoyed that there was nothing in there? Nope. Apparently not. They keep doing it until the sun goes down.

 

Do they go back to the hive and say to the next bee, 'hey, I got f' eck all today!, if I get nowt tomorra(Yorkshire bees they are), I've had enough, I'm through with this life!'

 

Some people can get through life just the same without even thinking. I know loads like this, and it bloody annoys me that I can't just get on with life without having to think so much.

 

See purdy, now that's not advice, that's insane!!!

 

(I've gotta stop sniffing those Persil Tablets)

[mojo1]

Hi purdyamos, back at the start of the disability group thread you commented on our similarities and the main difference was I had a support network.

If that's true then to me you are perfectly normal....maybe at the other end of the seesaw at the moment but normal just the same. I fit in because I don't fit if you know what I mean, I'm strange and interesting apparently... I was recently described as delightfully quirky which I like.

I would not give up who I am and how I am for anything in the world, no matter how bad things get. The point is you might feel like you don't belong and you're face doesn't fit when it does. There are many of us out there and we all fit somewhere. I won't pretend I have the answers, I don't even understand the questions when they form in my own head let alone somebody elses but If you want a rant, shout, laugh or cry or even someone to talk weird stuff at then PM me and feel free to do it without judgement

[Preacher Man]

this forum is full of odd balls, maybe you should arrange a meet for all the people who feel disillusioned with society as you do?

 

all i will say is skill levels and studying do not help you connect with people. to do that you need to talk and listen, nothing more.

[JoeP]

this forum is full of odd balls, maybe you should arrange a meet for all the people who feel disillusioned with society as you do?

 

all i will say is skill levels and studying do not help you connect with people. to do that you need to talk and listen, nothing more.

 

'Oddballs' is rather an insulting and dergogatory phrase to use.

 

Please try and be civil.

 

Thank you.

[Preacher Man]

'Oddballs' is rather an insulting and dergogatory phrase to use.

 

Please try and be civil.

 

Thank you.

 

it wasnt meant in a derogatory way so i apolagise to purdy if she took it that way. i couldnt think of a word or phrase which didnt sound demeaning and i dont think there is anything wrong with being unique, there usually very interesting people!

[funkymiss]

All you can ever be is yourself and it's definitely time to stop trying with the people who haven't 'got you' yet. If you see yourself as an alienated, odd person then you will most likely come across as stand-offish to other people, even if you don't mean it, which perpetuates the cycle of you feeling left out. I don't know if you've ever tried counselling but there are some forms of therapy (CBT) that work on changing the cognitions behind your negative feelings. Many things are deep-rooted within us (and based on our interpretations of past events) and it can take a lot of effort and time to turn them around.

 

What I'm trying to say is that everyone is different for some reason, but you can't go through life hating what makes you different and blaming your interactions on it... It is hard if you feel rejected, and something inside you can make you expect it to happen over and over. But people are very good on picking up on signals that almost will people to stay away! Hope I've not said anything out of turn, it's just my thoughts on it in a general sense x