melthebell Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 You are tied to a chair. Fortunately, there are no guards watching you. >> INV You have in your posession: - A KNIFE >> EXAMINE KNIFE It is a sharp knife, perfect for cutting ropes. >> CUT ROPE You can't. >> CUT ROPE WITH KNIFE You can't. >> USE KNIFE You can't. >> USE KNIFE TO CUT ROPE You can't. >> FREE YOURSELF USING THE KNIFE You can't. >> WHY CANT I ? Because my **DUMB** programmer did not forsee this alternative. or how come when u open a can of evaporated milk it's still there or Windows (noun) : 32 bit extensions on a 16 bit interface for an 8 bit operating system for a 4 bit processor by a 2 bit company that doesn't care 1 bit or Audio driver is busy - another application is recording audio or Simply red actually, most of their songs are about rabbit sex Bunny's too tight to mention, Holding back the ears, the list goes on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sTaGeWaLkEr Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 ‘Worry about your conscience rather than your reputation. Your conscience is who you are. Your reputation is what others think of you. And in relation to what others think..........well, who really cares what others think?’ There are lots more quotes that I try to live my life by, but they're too personal to share with thousands of people. No offence intended I will share one of my really useful all time personal favourites though.... 'Never confuse paranoia with intelligence' ***Stagewalker*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickatnight Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 'The most talked about show in South Yorkshire' by Nick Margerrison... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzmobile Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 'What the hell was that?' Lord Mayor of Hiroshima Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limpetboy Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 A couple from Bill Hicks (with the swearing edited): "See, what's cool is every pack [of cigarettes] has a different Surgeon-General's warning. Isn't that great? Mine Says: 'Warning: Smoking may cause foetal injury or premature birth'. Ha Ha Ha! Found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say 'lung cancer', you know. Shop around, man." "'Cigarette smoke contains Carbon Monoxide'. Well so does my car and it still runs." "The fact that we live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out albums. Goddamn it. If you're gonna kill someone, have some taste." "George Bush says we are losing the war on drugs. You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and people on drugs are winning it!" "I can't have a job: I need my sleep. I do. I need eight hours a day, you know, and about ten at night." "You know what? Here's my actual truth...I've had a vision. And what it is, is although this is a world where good men are murdered in their prime, and mediocre hacks thrive and proliferate, I gotta share this with ya, cos I love you and you feel that. You know all that money we spend on nuclear wepaons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world, which it wouold pay for many times over, not one human being exluded, not one, we could, as a race, explore outer space together in peace for ever." And my all time favourite: "I'll tell you something else. I know it's not a popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it's the truth. I have taken drugs before and...ahh...I had a real good time. Sorry! Didn't murder anybody, didn't rob anybody, didn't rape anybody, didn't beat anybody, didn't lose...mmmm..one job. Laughed my ass off....and went about my day." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantaspook Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln How fortunate you are not to be troubled by the ravages of intelligence….. The Evil Genius -‘Time Bandits’ The Irish have a problem for every solution My sister has a photographic memory….but there’s no film in it. Dyslexics of the world, untie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanerothyme Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 - When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. -Hunter.S.Thompson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbow2411 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Trust your husband, adore your husband but get as much as you can in your own name - Joan Rivers There is of course no reason for the existence of the male sex except that sometimes one needs help moving the piano - Dame Rebecca West Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought of as half as good. Luckily this is not difficult - Charlotte Whitton Before marriage a man will lay awake thinking about something you said, after marriage he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it - Helen Rowland You can talk to my husband about any subject, he doesn't understand but you can talk to him Any girl is going to go out of her mind when she looks at her husband one day and realizes that she is not living with a man any longer, she is living with a reclining chair that burbs - Roseanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nanrobbo Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old. Kafka Nodding the head does not row the boat. Irish Proverb A good friend is: A ready ear- a steady shoulder- a willing hand- a closed mouth and an open heart. Anon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spyro2000 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Pop: I'm from a small town called "Fresh Off a Cop's Ass", and you're making me homesick. House Party Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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