What do you think about suicide?

[purdyamos 10]

MOD This is a sensitive issue, please bear that in mind before making crass comments. Thanks.

 

I find it very ironic (given that 98% of people on SF know something of my history) that I get accused of making 'crass' comments about suicide!

 

Isn't saying 'suicide is the most selfish act anyone could do' beyond the pale? Because I think it's up there with 'people with cancer have only brought it on themselves' and such like.

 

If I do end up killing myself, I think Max's comment would be a good for my tombstone. Can I pinch it?

[marc.deefer 10]

When I was a student in 1991 facing my finals and sure that I'd fail I tried to kill myself when I lived in Flat 6 122 Whitham Road near Broomhill. It seemed rational even though I was only 20. And I still can't help thinking - even though I got a first - it would have been ok. And then, four years later, in 1994, my friend and housemate Andrew Greenleys killed himself at Olive Grove Road in Heeley and the result for me and loads of his friends was nothing but confusion, guilt, anger and grief. I think people's intolerance of suicide has to do with their refusal to confront their own death. It's like leaving a party early, you're somehow implying that other people's enjoyment is an illusion. I miss Andrew, most especially because I know he made a much more positive impact on other peoples lives than I ever have or ever could.

[The_DADDY (2) 10]

Now pull yourself together and stop acting like a baby!!

That was my brothers advice when i tried something i shouldnt have some years ago. Strange really when you consider the Policeman who stopped me was a total stranger and yet it was him who made me see what i was doing was not the right way to go. After the initial 'shock treatment' to get my attention he really couldnt have been more careing. Since then ive never even considered it and not many days go by when dont think of that night and what he did for me.

Now things are on the up i have even more reason to be greatful but as a result of my illness i have lost every single member of my family (including my siblings and their kids) and have just have people that live with me. Dont get me wrong i love my wife and kids but everyone needs a mum and at 33 years old i dont mind admitting (cue the lumpy throat) that i want my mum:cry:

Still, i have to keep thinking of the possitives and hope i never feel that bad again.

Anyone feeling low enough to end it all should think of this.

It isnt the answer and it can get better. It can take a long time and seem like it will never get better but it can.

Honest:)

[personal5579 10]

Now pull yourself together and stop acting like a baby!!

 

Good one, I was told "be a man and deal with your responsibilities". Which made me feel a lot worse, a lot more depressed, and significantly more suicidal.

[The_DADDY (2) 10]

Good one, I was told "be a man and deal with your responsibilities". Which made me feel a lot worse, a lot more depressed, and significantly more suicidal.

 

Yeah, but im sure they meant well:roll: .

[SleepyHead 10]

Interesting reading the comments here - our family has a depression thing going - my bro attempted suicide, my other brother's on anti-d's, my mum did therapy for years & years, my grandad attempted suicide, and I've had long periods where I've been unable to stop thinking about suicide.

 

Anyway, sometimes I get bouts of what I can only describe as 'aggravated self-pity' and I was wondering what people think about the difference between self-pity and depression - is there much of one except the intensity of the symptoms?

[Happy_camper 10]

 

Over the next few months he sort of attached himself to me and he spent time in hospital as the paracetamol went for his liver, and he was lucky to survive.

 

I regard his actions as selfish and hard to forgive - and I know this makes me sound like a right 24-carat *******. Whilst I can see that people are in a very horrible place, the pain they inflict on others around them is massive. I cannot imagine a circumstance in which I would inflict that on people - I've been depressed myself and even when I was in the depths of it I couldn't imagine hurting my loved ones like that.

 

What I WOULD agree totally with is that we make certain subjects too difficult for many people to talk about, and this drives people in to the dark places within them.

 

I totally agree Joe. Recently my sister took an overdose of paracetamol and spent sometime in hospital. She is fine now thank God but has taken no responsibility for her actions and how it affected others. My poor Mum and dad feel that they must have been the worst parents ever and are the ones who are really suffering.

 

My sis saw some mental health professionals afterwards and they couldn't see anything clinical wrong with her (ie depression etc.). I have very strong feelings about the whole situation but am in a position whereby I cannot do anything but try to be supportive of my whole family whilst thinking they're all nuts. Although i love my sister and want the best for her and for her to be happy I am also incredabley angry with her for her total and utter selfishness. :rant:

[The_DADDY (2) 10]

I was wondering what people think about the difference between self-pity and depression - is there much of one except the intensity of the symptoms?

Thats a good one. To be honest (and im speaking only for me) i think there is no difference. With me its feeling about how ive let people down and how i have hurt people and also how i, (you see, lots of i's).

It can be for some people the most selfish illness you can get and now i appear to have turned a corner (not for the first time) i look at things slightly differently to when i was at my lowest.

Now im a little better i see the carnage its left in its wake:( and i so wish i could turn back the clock.

[SleepyHead 10]

Thats a good one. To be honest (and im speaking only for me) i think there is no difference. With me its feeling about how ive let people down and how i have hurt people and also how i, (you see, lots of i's).

It can be for some people the most selfish illness you can get and now i appear to have turned a corner (not for the first time) i look at things slightly differently to when i was at my lowest.

Now im a little better i see the carnage its left in its wake:( and i so wish i could turn back the clock.

 

Ah - but there's that voice again telling you you turned left when you should have turned right. Every life consists of choices, some deliberate, some less so. You can't undo those choices, but you can make new ones. It doesn't always have to be the same.

 

I can see why someone might call it a selfish illness - depression and suicidal thoughts do tend to make you self-obsessed - but I can't ever blame my brother for wanting to take his life because I love him and if he'd gone I'd feel a hell of a lot worse. I appreciate it was hard on my folks, but life just is hard and you have to take the rough with the smooth to the best of your ability. Looking back I think they coped incredibly well.

 

All of which reminds me - I could do with ringing him!

[Audrey2 10]

Isn't saying 'suicide is the most selfish act anyone could do' beyond the pale? Because I think it's up there with 'people with cancer have only brought it on themselves' and such like.

 

I find it quite ironic that from one sentence you can make such a sweeping statement. I certainly wont apologise for MY feelings, but maybe it does make me a bad sister for putting my life on hold for 28 years supporting my sister. For dropping everythng when she needed me, helping her financially, looking after her little girl when it all got too much, the list goes on....

 

I appreciate there is more then one type of sucide, those that are genuine and those that are manipulation. My experience of it was manipulation and that was what hurt, because if she needed me all she had to do was ask.

Lots of people don't have that luxury, which in my opinion of MY situation does make her incredabilly selfish.

[purdyamos 10]

I find it quite ironic that from one sentence you can make such a sweeping statement. I certainly wont apologise for MY feelings, but maybe it does make me a bad sister for putting my life on hold for 28 years supporting my sister. For dropping everythng when she needed me, helping her financially, looking after her little girl when it all got too much, the list goes on....

 

I appreciate there is more then one type of sucide, those that are genuine and those that are manipulation. My experience of it was manipulation and that was what hurt, because if she needed me all she had to do was ask.

Lots of people don't have that luxury, which in my opinion of MY situation does make her incredabilly selfish.

 

I'm sorry if you took this as directed solely at you. It was actually more a reaction to Max's remark about a post of mine which was removed - my comment in that post may well have been seen as over the limit, but I just felt that if that were the case then we were probably on an equal level on that scale, and I was cross that my post was the only one removed.

 

Today, I can see that you were simply expressing your personal grief and I don't want to stir up any ill feeling. I've just had years and years of certain judgements made about me and my health that would be unthinkable when applied to other diseases. This thread's actually been remarkably calm and considered. There have been threads on suicide on SF in the past where the prevailing opinions were simply chilling.

[CockneyMafia 10]

Firstly, I have not had time to read all the posts on this thread, but this is my opinion for what it is worth.

 

For those who have never suffered with depression, mental health issues and personality disorders, the concept of suicide is a very difficult one. To those who have suffered with the aforementioned, the concept is a very real and plausible one, often to the point where it can dominate their thoughts.

 

That said, there are often cases of people who take their own life as a direct reaction to an external stimulus (the loss of a loved one, a massive life trauma etc) - and again, unless someone has been in that situation, it is hard to understand the rationales that are going through that individuals head.

 

I remember reading about Mark McManus, the actor who played Taggart, who apparently 'gave up the will to live' after his wife died, and although officially dying of pneumonia, the general consensus was that he simply lost the desire to fight any ailments he had. In short, it could be argued this was 'assisted suicide'.

 

To address the question of whether suicide is 'selfish' is very difficult. For a start, anyone contemplating the action is not of sound mind and body. To be 'selfish' I would argue you need to be of rationale thought in the first place. I know from personal experience that when I have been at my lowest ebb, I have often thought that it would be an easy way out. When you TRULY believe that you are worthless, unloved, unwanted and a whole host of other things, you don’t (indeed cant) see the bigger picture. Try visiting a mental health unit and telling someone with manic depression not to try and throw themselves in front of a bus. You simply wont be able to get through.

 

I am not sure where I stand on attempted suicide, where the 'attemptee' has no real intention of going through with it. I think this is a selfish action, and also a very hazardous one; with suicide, you quite literally don’t have to deal with the consequence. With attempted suicide, where you are crying out for help or attention, you do. Again though, is someone in this situation truly in control of his or her faculties? Can someone really be that manipulative? To assume that trying to commit suicide is going to change someone’s view on them for the positive is naive to say the least.

 

All I do know, having suffered for a long time with my own personal demons, is that when you get to a stage where you GENUINELY feel everybody, including yourself, would benefit from you not being around any more, the concepts of "selfishness" and "manipulation" simply don’t come into play. It would be as pointless as telling someone who was religious to "snap out of it" and realise there is no higher power.

 

We are, every one of us, truly individual, yet contemporary psychological theory does tend to lump us together and seek a cause and effect explanation. The truth is we all have our own motivations for things, and as such it is often impossible to truly understand why anyone does anything of this magnitude. I have had my reasons in the past (rightly or wrongly) to consider suicide, although I have never carried it through because I have remained optimistic where I can. To some, this may make me damaged goods, but I would like to think that I am on a long journey to be able to one day love myself and be content. Suicide, or at least the lure of it, is merely a hurdle along this path. Perhaps I am lucky that I have a stronger resolve than others and have yet to fall at this hurdle. Who knows?

 

Those are my views on the subject anyway.