Why my bf's kids are so naughty?

[tedypanda 10]

The son aged at 7 is the worse as I even sometimes find him completely out of control. He always asks his daddy or me to buy him toys, sweets, etc. when going out. Otherwise, he will keep wriggling, crying, yelling in public place. My bf does sometimes fulfill his wishes when he behaves well. I dont really agree with him. Also, whenever I ask him not to do something (which is dangerous or silly), he will keep doing it. He is clumsy and breaks things all the time. However, he is very clever. Now my bf's daughter also copies her brother's behaviour. Sometimes they are good and lovely. But they are naughty most of the time:(

 

I am not their mum and really dont know how to sort them out. If I want to be with my bf, they will be the "side products". (Sorry for using this term but I think it's a good analogy:( ). Any advice from child-care experts? Or if I should split up with my bf as I really dont know how to manage them

[newfgreen 10]

The son aged at 7 is the worse as I even sometimes find him completely out of control. He always asks his daddy or me to buy him toys, sweets, etc. everytime when going out with him. Otherwise, he will keep wriggling, crying, yelling in public place. My bf does sometimes fulfill his wishes when he behaves well. I dont really agree with him. Also, whenever you ask him not to do something (which is dangerous or silly), he will keep doing it. He is clumsy and breaks things all the time. However, he is very clever. Now his daughter also copies his brother's behaviour. Sometimes they are good and lovely. But they are naughty most of the time:(

 

I am not their mum and really dont know how to sort them out. If I want to be with my bf, they will be the "side products". (Sorry for using this term but I think it's a good analogy:( ). Any advice from child-care experts? Or if I should split up with my bf as I really dont know how to manage them

 

Just go with the flow

[melthebell 863]

send him down the park with a bottle of cider and an asbo

[newfgreen 10]

At the end of the day i see it like this:

 

As long as he is happy is all that matters, however you need to at some point draw a line. I am not the kid of my partners son (unfortunatly) and i wouldn't say anything as his mum will make them decisions on when he can and can't have toys. I will happily buy him a toy if he wants one but his mum will decide if he can have it or not.

 

As for the tantrums then i think every kids has these. If you don't like it when he kicks off then it seems you have a decision to make:

 

A- you aren't ready for this, and you must say something as imo it will only get worse for you and could have a damaging effect.

B - If you are ready for this kind of commitment then i am affraid they isn't alot you can say, as no matter how much you want to his father will and rightly so should have the final say.

 

Hope that helps and the above is just my opinion on what i think.

[charlie9865 10]

Hi i am a step mum to my partners boy who is 8.Iv raised him from being 6mnth.

We have full custody of him,so he lives with us.We also have a 5 year old.I was 15 when i took him on.And it was hard as hell.You don't know when your allowed to say no and you don't feel it is your place.But if your going to be with you partner then you should have some role of authority.It took me a while to be able to say no you can't,stop doing that,im not messing and im getting cross.But i spoke to my partner and he agreed we needed to work together.If you ain't both singing from the same hymn sheet then they will walk all over you.

I have a great relatiionship with my eldest.And he is treat no diffrent to his 5 year old brother.

But he knows there are rules and he knows he can't play either of us.

I was told other day it must be hard as a women to take on someone elses child and boy it is.I hated feeling like the evil step mother.But you know what it is rewarding.I wouldn't have it any other way.And he knows that no matter what ill always be there.He knows his mum lives near and i always say no matter what she has done she is his mum.

He should decide for himself when it comes to her,but i will be there no matter the outcome.I think it is natural to find it hard,i did.Life is never simple.

charlie x

[tedypanda 10]

At the end of the day i see it like this:

 

As long as he is happy is all that matters, however you need to at some point draw a line. I am not the kid of my partners son (unfortunatly) and i wouldn't say anything as his mum will make them decisions on when he can and can't have toys. I will happily buy him a toy if he wants one but his mum will decide if he can have it or not.

 

As for the tantrums then i think every kids has these. If you don't like it when he kicks off then it seems you have a decision to make:

 

A- you aren't ready for this, and you must say something as imo it will only get worse for you and could have a damaging effect.

B - If you are ready for this kind of commitment then i am affraid they isn't alot you can say, as no matter how much you want to his father will and rightly so should have the final say.

 

Hope that helps and the above is just my opinion on what i think.

 

Yes, I am not ready for this. I am fine to take care of normal kids. But he seems to be exceptionally naughty. One time when I took him out to the supermarket and we were lining up in the queue for payment, he kept shouting at the till operator "excuse me, we're waiting". I was really embarrassed as I couldnt stop him.

 

His dad sometimes has to give him a smack in order to stop him to be silly. However, I cant do that. I understand that my bf feels sorry for them because of his divorce. So he is less strict to them. Their mum spoils them a lot. I dont really agree with it and I do talk to my bf about it. As you said, it's up to their parents' decision. Yet, I am thinking how I could do better. Also if I am really ready to be a step-mother of these naughty kids:gag:

[Foot 10]

Blackmail is a wonderful tool. They have to 'earn' sweets/toys/treats etc by being good. If they don't behave then they don't get. It's not an instant cure but it does work and they soon learn. Unfortunately some parents go down the route of buying them things to keep them quiet and this only makes things worse, kids aren't daft and will just kick off more because they know they'll get what they want by doing so.

[newfgreen 10]

Yes, I am not ready for this. I am fine to take care of normal kids. But he seems to be exceptionally naughty. One time when I took him out to the supermarket and we were lining up in the queue for payment, he kept shouting at the till operator "excuse me, we're waiting". I was really embarrassed as I couldnt stop him.

 

His dad sometimes has to give him a smack in order to stop him to be silly. However, I cant do that. I understand that my bf feels sorry for them because of his divorce. So he is less strict to them. Their mum spoils them a lot. I dont really agree with it and I do talk to my bf about it. As you said, it's up to their parents' decision. Yet, I am thinking how I could do better. Also if I am really ready to be a step-mother of these naughty kids:gag:

 

Don't be harsh on yourself. I agree with everything said and i think give it time and the kids will settle down. At the end of the day the kid probably sees it as someone trying to take their dad away. Just give it time and things will eventually start to work.

[SimpyTimpy 10]

The main problem with giving children rewards in order to prevent bad behaviour is that you are conditioning that behaviour. For example, if I give a child called Josh a pack of sweets to stop crying, then he will cry in the future in order to get sweets.

 

The best thing you could do is reward good behaviour, and punish bad behaviour. However, you must ensure that the rewards decrease over time, so the child has to do more in order to get the same reward.

 

However... easier said than done. Good luck.

[cressida 1,570]

Split with your boyfriend, the children come first, they were there first, tell him his next girlfriend should be a child psychologist!!

[WhiteHawk 10]

One word - discipline.

 

A little smack every now and then never hurt anybody, certainly did me now harm as I was growing up, I never dared misbehave. Start at an early age and don't ever let them take advantage of you.

[Moonbird 10]

The children may be feeling insecure and upset about the divorce, small children do not have the words to express how they feel, nor do they understand how they feel, their hurt and upset comes out in bad or mardy behaviour.

What the children really need is love and stability, along with firm, consistant and fair discipline.

If you chose to be a part of their lives please be sure before you do, it sounds as if they have been through a lot, and it will only further hurt them to get used to you then for you to leave as well, if you can't cope with them just see their dad and leave the children out of the equasion.