Is it normal if your lover reads porn?

[cressida 1,551]

Of course its flippin normal. Would think it wasnt normal if your other half didnt read porn.

 

Have to disagree, eroticism is in the mind for me I do not like to be influenced by any other women, I have my own ideas and imagination, and he would have to have the same

[mojo1 10]

Have to disagree, eroticism is in the mind for me I do not like to be influenced by any other women, I have my own ideas and imagination, and he would have to have the same

 

Porn is more about feeding the imagination than replacing it. It can also be about pure fantasy where nobody attainable is involved.

I think mostly it's about having fun and exploring your own wants and desires at the same time.

Usually the women portrayed in the mags are unrealistic to say the least and and most men wouldn't want to give up what they already have for one of them.

 

If your imagination is good enough on its own though, good for you.

[plekhanov 10]

She is upset by it. So relieving her upsetness is good, no? I would appreciate it from friends talking to me if I was down. Won't you?

 

I do not understand why this attitude to say "she should get over it". Grow up! My Gawd. If women LIKES porn, then they would've done it from day one. Not to change their mind about it, and everything before they can accept it.

What on earth are you talking about?

 

This aggressive attitude of "take or lump" is is sick. As I said before, I don't criticise what men may or may not do in the privacy of their own home. I do not need to know. As with this instance here, the gf do not need to be taken to pieces just for sharing a private matter. I'd fear for her cos I knew what the attitude would be.

She’s getting upset about normal behaviour as such her options are:

1. Try to reconcile her feelings with reality

2. Change the world so that it accords with her feelings

Personally I think that the first option makes the most sense as do most other people who’ve contributed to the thread, I’m rather confused as to why you think the latter option is viable.

 

I thought that is what discussions are about? I was "taught" by "some" people on this thread that we should and must remain ontopic. This is always logical, a Yes or a No situation. Gf do not like porn. End of. Why the need to persuade and change her perception?

 

What people get up to bears no relevancy to what this girl is asking. Unless they are suggesting that she should do this too. Which brings me back to the point about co-ercing someone to do something that they don't want to!

Do you honestly not understand how pointing out that some couples like to watch porn together is on topic for a thread about whether it’s normal for men in relationships to look at porn?

 

If you are not them, why are they not entitled to be upset? Do you ever realises that to trivialise something which someone finds of important is also considered as obtuse too? I thought that everyone is respected and not everyone is the same.

Respecting people doesn’t mean never criticising them in anyway, especially not when they are so obviously wrong.

 

Cos if we are all the same, why do we have disagreements? It is indeed upsetting to find your partner who you quite like or love even, to be so into porn, or someone else.

What do you mean ‘so into porn’? He’s got some on his PC it’s not like she found a huge collection which must have taken huge resources to collect or anything.

 

Men do not like their OH flirting or oggled by other men and such-like, and they have to grow and learn in a relationship about it. Why can't women be left alone to do the same with porn??!

What on earth are you talking about? Who said that women shouldn’t be given time & space to grow and learn about anything?

 

He isn't the man she thought he was, and in a way, it dampens your perception of that man surely. That little bit of trust and respect is dampened a little bit. We all know how not all women accepts it.

 

So... what is left of the relationship, cos that honeymoon period is certainly over too soon, too quickly. A lot of men deal with such issues more sensitively, rather than 1) to blame others for their own actions, ) to get the impression that all women are men, and are into porn and do not respect them if they don't, 3) make out that they are monsters for even contemplating such ideas! Wow... I see why the relationship would not be dampened at all. Cos if women just act like men and accepts it from day one, then all will be rosy in the relationship. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

How is this in anyway supposed to be a response to what I or anyone else has posted in this thread? Who said anything about thinking ‘all women are men, and are into porn and do not respect them if they don't’?

 

The most supportive thing here is not to condone any bad behaviours which her bf inflicted on her, cos it is HIS actions and HIS responsibility in dealing with a relationship. Many women are smart and just turn over a blind eye, and maybe this is because they love their bf so much. If women do not cry behind closed doors because of such things, I will eat my foot.

What on earth are you talking about? What ‘bad behaviours’ are you claiming that ‘her bf inflicted on her’?

[waxonwaxoff 13]

What would you do if u found that your lover was reading pornography?

 

Help him as his hands would be busy turning the pages.

[rubydazzler 11]

Isn't it generalising and rather disrespectful to men to assert so dogmatically that "Men like porn. It's that simple"

 

I wouldn't think that'd be true of ALL men, and most men would value their relationship too much to risk it ending, just so they could look at it. Surely even the most hardened porn addict would understand that his partner might be upset to find that they were secretly looking at any porn, especially if it was hardcore stuff?

[HappyHoosier 10]

Why ask if looking at porn is normal? Isn't that like asking how often "normal" couples should have sex? It's all about what works for your specific relationship.

 

Porn would be problem for me if...

*my partner spent more time with porn than with me, or he needed it to get excited.

*he saw women only as sex objects or otherwise disrespected them.

*other aspects of my partner's life were compromised because of his porn use.

*he used it anywhere near our kids.

*he looked at illegal (or obviously non-consensual) porn.

*he told me he was imagining someone else while making love to me.

*he disregarded my feelings on certain aspects of the subject.

 

One more thing... I do not think that partners should have to share everything with each other. Communication and honesty are critical to a relationship, but that doesn't mean you have to divulge every thought you've ever had to your lover. Sometimes, that's just hurtful and unwise.

[plekhanov 10]

Isn't it generalising and rather disrespectful to men to assert so dogmatically that "Men like porn. It's that simple"

 

I wouldn't think that'd be true of ALL men, and most men would value their relationship too much to risk it ending, just so they could look at it. Surely even the most hardened porn addict would understand that his partner might be upset to find that they were secretly looking at any porn, especially if it was hardcore stuff?

I don't think that all men would like to or do look at porn but the OP asked 'Is it normal if your lover reads porn?' and the answer to that question is an definite yes. No doubt some men don't but that doesn't mean it's not normal to do so.

 

Of course men understand that their partners might not necessarily like them to do so (which is of course one reason why they don't do so in front of them) but that doesn't mean that it's reasonable for women to get all worked up about it or demand that their partners stop.

[Swan_Vesta 11]

My grot is all over the house, our lass doesn't mind at all. Having a bit of grumble is quite reasonable having a lot could be viewed as a bit odd - I suppose if our lass objected then I'd secrete it away out of her way.

 

The bottom line is that scratching an itch isn't a bad thing

[rubydazzler 11]

snippy - Of course men understand that their partners might not necessarily like them to do so (which is of course one reason why they don't do so in front of them) but that doesn't mean that it's reasonable for women to get all worked up about it or demand that their partners stop.

 

You amaze me with the above statement that I've bolded. I'm presuming from it that if your partner was solitarily watching porn you would be quite sanguine about it and wouldn't question WHY she felt the need? Also the statement from Cyclone was "Men like porn. It's that simple". And the unstated rider from several other commentators was "get over it".

 

It never even occured to me that attached "men like porn, it's that simple" and if it had and I asked I would expect to hear "No, of course not" ... otherwise I would get "all worked up about it", I have to be honest. Solitarily looking at porn to a lot of women implies dissatisfaction with the banquet at home as their mate prefers to see hamburger elsewhere In a lot of women's minds, looking at porn, similarly flirting on the internet and so on, is just as bad as actually doing it. Can you see that?

[jimboin 10]

What would you do if u found that your lover was reading pornography? Would you think if he's not interested in you?

 

normal???....what the hells that anyway?

[cressida 1,551]

Porn is more about feeding the imagination than replacing it. It can also be about pure fantasy where nobody attainable is involved.

I think mostly it's about having fun and exploring your own wants and desires at the same time.

Usually the women portrayed in the mags are unrealistic to say the least and and most men wouldn't want to give up what they already have for one of them.

 

If your imagination is good enough on its own though, good for you.

 

I would not like to be influenced and If I looked at it I wouldn't be able to help it, and the men that look at it COULD be influenced into doing to me what goes on in the pictures, thank goodness there are men out there that don't need them either ( a little bit of innocence can be erotic in itself)

[nick2 10]

A Quiche perhaps?

 

It works, suitably insulting.