Is it normal if your lover reads porn?

[Bago 10]

Why does it have to be secretly?

 

And what else is a man supposed to do when his partner declares that she has a headache or she's washing her hair?

Do you realise that not all women uses porn. That not all women know why men uses porn. I don't know about you, but I find talking about something which individuals do in their own time that detailed quite crass. This *is* afterall a public place! I'm sure it's all too easy to be discussing this, but I don't know about you, but I certainly would not go and be trolled into talking into such low-level detail as I did before on that rape thread.

 

I am not suggesting that men should or should not do things secretively. I don't give a darn to be honest. Cos those people I do not know on a personal basis, and it bears no relevance in my life what they do behind closed doors. I do not *need* to know. Don't you get that? I get the impression that you want some kind of men liberation or other.

 

A lot of things do remain private cos a relationship is indeed about coupledom and intimacies. I don't doubt that you would not want your private life to be broadcasted and criticised publically?

[Bago 10]

If both parties enjoy blue movies, then the ideal would be to watch them together, n'est pas?

 

Obviously not if one of the parties is not happy with that...I'm looking for ways a couple could be closer, not alienate each other.

My point is that, if women watched porn, then they would not have made such a fuss over this porn watching business. The end. The fact that a lot of women do find it an issue as such cos *they* themselves "do not" uses it, doesn't that say something? We're not the same. We're not genetically build up the same way.

 

No, it is not the ideal way. No. Ideal way to couples who want to explore together is talking about it. If you cannot even be that upfront about it with your partner and is able to communicate it across, then what have you got left in a relationship ?

 

I remember saying this to an ex before. I was so outraged that he violated this relationship code whereby he had this female friend who bought him porn mags from Korea. I find that sick. If there are no trust and no respect in a relationship, don't expect intimacies to be discussed so openly and acceptingly.

 

Some things remain private between couples. They should stay that way! There's nothing more crass than, "My mate does this, how come you don't? Something wrong with you? " Great.

[Lindos 10]

Do you realise that not all women uses porn. That not all women know why men uses porn. I don't know about you, but I find talking about something which individuals do in their own time that detailed quite crass. This *is* afterall a public place! I'm sure it's all too easy to be discussing this, but I don't know about you, but I certainly would not go and be trolled into talking into such low-level detail as I did before on that rape thread.

 

I am not suggesting that men should or should not do things secretively. I don't give a darn to be honest. Cos those people I do not know on a personal basis, and it bears no relevance in my life what they do behind closed doors. I do not *need* to know. Don't you get that? I get the impression that you want some kind of men liberation or other.

 

A lot of things do remain private cos a relationship is indeed about coupledom and intimacies. I don't doubt that you would not want your private life to be broadcasted and criticised publically?

 

I'm not quite sure what your getting at. I certainly don't want to discuss details, all I want to do is respond to the op, and give my point of view, in the hope that it helps her make sense of the problem. If you don't like the subject, why do you keep reading and responding?

[Bago 10]

You're talking nonsense. It would only be blackmail if it was used thus

 

"I'm going to watch porn if you don't go and wash the pots right this second".

 

If the girl in question is weary, then obviously her perception of things do not match that of her bf. Yet, does she need to be? She is entitled to her instincts. No matter how many other strangers think that it should be classed as "normal" and feel that she should just accepts it.

 

"Your porn or our relationship." Great.

If she's weary, she should have a snooze. If she's wary then she should try talking to her boyfriend. Making ultimatums is a rather intollerant way to approach any 'problem' and likely to backfire one day.

I'm talking nonsense?....

 

Have you actually read what was written in this thread? i.e. the fact that the girl is worried for bringing up such issues out into the open in the relationship and the fact that she is worried it's a relationship breaker if this is not dealt with sensitively. Yet, she cannot or does not seem to want to partake in the pornography side of things. If she does not feel ready, she shouldn't be co-erced or emotionally encouraged to do something which she is not prepared to do !

 

That's me being very directly and bluntly honest about just reading such situations online publically. I feel for the OP, I do.

 

The thread that you highlighted mentioned that the bf got angry, and it became a relationship breaker. Well...

[Bago 10]

I'm not quite sure what your getting at. I certainly don't want to discuss details, all I want to do is respond to the op, and give my point of view, in the hope that it helps her make sense of the problem. If you don't like the subject, why do you keep reading and responding?

Because I know that the OP will be bullied into thinking that she has to accept this and that all men are into porn and such like which shatters her own perception of how she see her bf.

 

In a way, the OP wishes to ask for reassurance that this is NOT normal, and that not all men are like this, but I don't know how to answer her to be honest.

 

[Added] Yes, you're right. I shouldn't read any more, cos I don't think I like what is going to be written... and how it comes across to the bystander regardless...

[Lindos 10]

Because I know that the OP will be bullied into thinking that she has to accept this and that all men are into porn and such like which shatters her own perception of how she see her bf.

 

In a way, the OP wishes to ask for reassurance that this is NOT normal, and that not all men are like this, but I don't know how to answer her to be honest.

 

[Added] Yes, you're right. I shouldn't read any more, cos I don't think I like what is going to be written... and how it comes across to the bystander regardless...

 

Ok, I see your point. Let me revise my position....

 

Most men would not see a problem with reading adult material, and would be supprised to find that their oh had a problem with that.

 

However...

 

If my oh had a problem with this I would hope we could discuss it rationally, and if she was still unhappy with it, I wouldn't do it.

 

All this assumes that everything else in the garden is rosey...

[Bago 10]

If the girl in question is weary, then obviously her perception of things do not match that of her bf. Yet, does she need to be? She is entitled to her instincts. No matter how many other strangers think that it should be classed as "normal" and feel that she should just accepts it.

 

"Your porn or our relationship." Great.

 

If she's weary, she should have a snooze. If she's wary then she should try talking to her boyfriend. Making ultimatums is a rather intollerant way to approach any 'problem' and likely to backfire one day.

I just want to clarify something, the "your porn or our relationship" comment was what she may be thinking! Not what she will say to the bf. If you read the beginning paragraph to understand the context that it was in.

[plekhanov 10]

I'm talking nonsense?....

 

Have you actually read what was written in this thread? i.e. the fact that the girl is worried for bringing up such issues out into the open in the relationship and the fact that she is worried it's a relationship breaker if this is not dealt with sensitively.

Why does him looking at porn need to be 'dealt with' at all?

 

Yet, she cannot or does not seem to want to partake in the pornography side of things. If she does not feel ready, she shouldn't be co-erced or emotionally encouraged to do something which she is not prepared to do !

And when has it been stated that the boyfriend in question is trying to get her into porn or that she should do so if he asks?

 

That's me being very directly and bluntly honest about just reading such situations online publically. I feel for the OP, I do.

 

The thread that you highlighted mentioned that the bf got angry, and it became a relationship breaker. Well...

All we know is that someone was snooping around on their boyfriends PC, found some porn on it and that they are now getting rather overwrought about (going off the information we have so far) pretty standard behaviour on his part.

 

There's no reason that him looking at pictures of women without their clothes ,on on his PC, when she's not around need be a 'relationship breaker' unless she makes it one.

[dibsy 10]

I don't see a problem with it at all.

 

I agree that it is really nice to be able to watch porn with your other half and can have a very desirable effect.

 

Even making one with you both in it is going one better....it all adds to excitement in the bedroom.

[plekhanov 10]

Because I know that the OP will be bullied into thinking that she has to accept this and that all men are into porn and such like which shatters her own perception of how she see her bf.

 

In a way, the OP wishes to ask for reassurance that this is NOT normal, and that not all men are like this, but I don't know how to answer her to be honest.

 

[Added] Yes, you're right. I shouldn't read any more, cos I don't think I like what is going to be written... and how it comes across to the bystander regardless...

But it is normal (which of course doesn't mean that all men do so just that there's nothing freakish about those that do) so why should anybody pretend that it isn't?

[Bago 10]

Why does him looking at porn need to be 'dealt with' at all?

If you are upset about something, wouldn't you do something about it, or find out why you are upset, or even to talk to somebody etc? Something needs to be done so that she can stop being so upset. Whether it is talking to someone, doing something herself to forget about it, whatever...

 

And when has it been stated that the boyfriend in question is trying to get her into porn or that she should do so if he asks?

Hey, read the thread. Some male members here mentioned something about the couple should or if you want me to be "PC" about it, "suggests" that the couple should try porn together.

 

Have you care to notice that most men say that "it is normal", but they detract away from the point that the gf is indeed upset about it. Why?

 

All we know is that someone was snooping around on their boyfriends PC, found some porn on it and that they are now getting rather overwrought about (going off the information we have so far) pretty standard behaviour on his part.

 

There's no reason that him looking at pictures of women without their clothes ,on on his PC, when she's not around need be a 'relationship breaker' unless she makes it one.

That's your opinion.

 

Pretty standard hurtful behaviours from the recipient's point of view. Hey, what is new. I don't see you being supportive and tell the gf to actually find a new bf who does not do that.

 

[Added] I actually find it incredulous that you think it's her fault for his actions. "Unless she makes it one". So it's a case of, "Accept me, and my life, and not let this be a partnership. Forget it?" If something is important to individuals and they want to share a life together, then isn't it down to you to portray yourself across in a way which your OH understands you on?

[Bago 10]

But it is normal (which of course doesn't mean that all men do so just that there's nothing freakish about those that do) so why should anybody pretend that it isn't?

What do you mean pretend? Maybe some people do not like talking of such private matters so publically? Do you air ALL your laundries to the masses? Do you share every single details of your own life and of your OHs life's to everybody where it can be criticised and to be embarrassed over ?

 

I do not need to know what other people get up to, thank you.