Living with the OH's parents-help!

[Ingela]

I'm having trouble deciding if i'm being unreasonable or not. Ive been living with the boyfriend's parents for about 6 months, since i had some money problems and also decided to go back to uni in september. At the time it was really my only option (my parents live 200 miles away in the middle of nowhere and i dont get on with them)

They charge me minimum rent, and feed me, pay council tax, heating everything. I just dont feel comfortable in their house. it's a lovely house that his mum keeps immaculate and im just not that tidy and i need my own space and routines, especially with food as i have a dodgy stomach and am a very picky eater but at the minute have to eat everything she cooks for me which has lead to me putting on weight on feeling ill. I can't refuse what they make as i know they would be offended.

In addition to this, they live quite far out and i dont drive.

i now have a new job and could comfortably afford to move out. my boyfriend thinks its more important to pay off my debts (not huge, just usual uni overdraft and credit card).

OH doesnt have a full time job, he's has some problems over the last year so thats ok, and he is now actively looking for a job relating to his degree. my problem is that he wont take just any job to get some money coming in, and believes he should hold out for a job directly related to what he wants to do. i think hes being unreasonable as i dont want to abuse his parents hospitality any longer than strictly necessary and would like to move out immediately, even into somewhere small and in a rubbish location.

I feel at the minute that i have taken a step backwards in life and am not enjoying anything.

im working 55 hour weeks as i hate being in the house and so my debts disappear more quickly.

I cant get my OH to understand how much i hate being there and he is currently working part time in a pub, so is often not there in the evenings when i am, so i spend a lot of time in our room on my own as i dont want to go out and spend money we dont have.

HELP! what do you think is more important, paying off my debts quickly or my sanity?

[charlie9865]

I think it would be better for you to pay off your debts first.Think your other half is right.Believe me hun putting up with his parents can't be half as bad as moving in to your own place.Falling behind on rent because your paying debts or vice verser.And being evicted or having baliffs in.It would be good for you because then you would be able to go out and furnish your place.Hope this helps charlie x

[jenniflower]

Sanity.

Debts can wait.

[Preacher Man]

sack that! what do you do, live to work or work to live?

 

at the moment its the former but move out, regain your sanity and if your boyfriend wont then go and get a house share for 6 months until he has enough backbone to tak responsability and get a job to help you pay the rent on a place!

[ukstudent]

Explain how you feel about him getting a job (or the lack of). He needs to take some responsibility and it sounds like he doesnt realise how much you dont really enjoy living with his parents. If he got a job you can move out and pay your debts off at the same time.

[Bago]

I wouldn't move into a house with my OH's parents' place unless we are married, and that's the life destined for me.

 

It doesn't matter whether you are being unreasonable or not. Cos if you feel your gut instinct is telling you something, then obviously, you're not happy with the current situation? Are you sure that your OH is not asking you to stay there for now because he wants you guys to save up an amount of money in order to move out together in the nearby future? To be honest, that kind of forward or future planning, you need to discuss openly and heart to heart.

 

If you are not anywhere near that kind of total commitment, and wishes to have a little bit of breathing space as a person dating someone else, then do say so. Possibly move out, be a little bit independent first.

 

I actually don't understand why you are so far away from your own parents. Cos ultimately, you should be their responsibility, and they should be the ones putting you up etc. There are times to bite your tongue and also make amends when it comes to parent-daughter relationships. God knows I learnt things the hard way.

[Jabberwocky]

Been there, done that, bought the Valium.

 

Get out as soon as possible.

[Glennis]

Move out ... he should be more realistic and take any job, rather than wait for the right job to come along, which could take years .. in the meantime continuing to sponge on his parents. When you think about it he has all the comforts of home, doesn't he? With his girlfriend and mother looking after his needs.

 

It must be hard on his mother as well, having to cook and clean for you both.

 

And, what about your needs and your sanity. If he won't shift .. do it for yourself ... what life have you got, working 55 hours a week .. just to keep him happy. His he concerned about what you want? It doesn't look like it. NO, its what's best for him!

[John Locke]

Talk to him. If he can't see reason then frack it. Move out and get your life back.

[Ingela]

He does want us to save up and eventually buy somewhere, but i dont think i can live there for as long as that will take. We've been together two years and although i'm still fairly young, i've done my messing about and i know he's the one for me. in no way are my feelings about this situation related to my feelings about him and our relationship.

 

My parents are so far away because i came here for university and stayed. there's no way i could live there again, theres no work there without a car and my parents have no money. There's a number of problems there and we get on better now than we ever have done before.