Help and Advice Needed Please

[Anorak 10]

I'm not really sure where to put this. I'm at my wits end and don't know where to turn. Spent the night on the phone to the Samaritans. Moved to Sheffield last summer with my children (13 and a half and 15) and partner, so many things are still unfamiliar to me. I don't have any friends here, lost touch with the few I did have. No family to turn to. My partner had previous alcohol problems and mental health problems, although has been stable for a few years, and not had a drink. during this time. Been through hell in the past. Anyway things have been going down hill pretty rapidly over the past few weeks. I haven't had much sleep over the last few nights. Yesterday while I was out at work my partner decided to start drinking again, blamed me, and I'm starting to believe it was my fault, although I don't know how. Children came home from school and found my partner on the bathroom floor. My partner gets pretty aggressive when they've had a drink, just verbal, and it frightens me, because I don't know what they'll do or say next. They told me to get out of the house and take my "brats" with me - and said a lot of pretty horrible things. My children are both upset and frightened. I don't want to uproot my children again, but I don't want to stay here in this situation either. I've got no-one and nowhere to run to, I've failed my children and I'm pretty desperate. I'm now living on pins - is my partner waking up or not, if they wake is it all going to start again? My son asked if my partner was going to die last night! I really don't know where to turn and can't see any way out of this. What can I do?

[MrsCarter 10]

Have PM'd you

[gizzy 10]

HI,

 

I have just read your post and I do feel for you. First of all. I think you need to be able to see if there is somwhere you can stay to get away from all this for both you and your childrens sake. Have you got any friends who you can turn too or anyone. If not I suggest you see if you can ring the samaritians again and see if they can offer any help ie, like place you can stay where you can get away from abusive partners be it physical or mental abuse. This realationship is not doing you or your kids any good and its going to make you ill if you carry on like this.

 

if you can get you and your kids of of there or even kick your partner out, I know it sounds horrid but just to give yourself sometime to come round a bit and be able to think about what would be the best way to cope with this. If this is too much maybe you could call the police and get him booted out telling them what he is doing and how he is upsetting you and the kids.

 

Other than this I dont really know what else to say. If you do manage to get somewhere or even get him out of the place where you are living you then need to decide to see what the next best step is. Maybe you can see if you can get some professional advice like counselling to see what is your next best step. What you really need at the mo is someone to talk to. I suggest you ask the samaritians if they can give you a contact number of somewhere that can talk to you and give you some help.

 

I can understand why you feel like you do as ive been through things in my life which have made me feel anxious and what the hell do I do now.

 

Please leave me a private message if you want to because I think you need to talk. Im online now or even if you want to go into the chat room Im up for the next 30 mins or so. If you wanna chat im here.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you can do something about this I really do.

 

I am thinking of you

 

lots love Gizzy (lisa)

xx

[Strix 11]

http://www.sdaf.org.uk/contactlists.asp

 

I'm still googling

 

brb

[Strix 11]

http://www.sheffield.gov.uk/in-your-area/housing-services/housing-aid/relationship-breakdown

 

I think that's all I can find

 

sorry I can't be of more help, as it's your decision as to which if any of these numbers you use, but I hope you manage to make a decision that really is for the best for you and the kids

 

You really shouldn't be bearing all this on your own with no friends. Sheffield is a friendly place, where it's easy to meet people, just by getting out there

 

Have you ever been to a forum meet for instance?

 

If you can't find one that suits what you'd like to do - start a meet thread of your own and invite others to join you in your interests. Have you joined any of the SF Groups?

[Anorak 10]

Thank you Strix. I've discovered the Samaritans, who are really nice. I've never been to a forurm meet. I don't have a social life out there without my partner, and I'm not very good at socialising. I don't socialise much with my partner because of the alcohol thing - so we tend to stay in....... and now look where I am!

[Heyesey 11]

Looks like others are providing you with the practical help you need. I'll just reinforce one point.

 

 

It is NEVER, under ANY circumstances whatsoever, your fault that your partner decides to start drinking. Don't let him brainwash you into believing it is.

[Strix 11]

hey - it's not just booze ups we do here you know

 

how about a theatre meet? you're expected to spend most of it in absolute silence (for the performance), with only the interval really to interact, and then you have a topic of conversation all there on a plate

 

How about walking? choose a strenuous one and there won't be much conversation due to huffinf and puffing (though they do tend to find all the best real ale pubs to drink in )

 

PS - did you read those links? there's far more practical support there than the samaritans

[Anorak 10]

You just brought a smile to my face for the first time in about a week. Theatre sounds ok, and I could walk in one direction at the minute and not come back - as far away as possible. I had a look at the links and there seems to be some really useful numbers - I'll definitely try a few.

[00Soul 10]

Looks like others are providing you with the practical help you need. I'll just reinforce one point.

 

 

It is NEVER, under ANY circumstances whatsoever, your fault that your partner decides to start drinking. Don't let him brainwash you into believing it is.

 

Just want to echo this piece of wisdom. You can only do so much to help your partner. There will be difficult times ahead, but ultimately you can't let them drag you down. The feeling of helplessness of your situation will cause you to feel inept. Once your instincts allow you to take control (and they will) you'll be amazed how stronger you will become. Best wishes.

[baron10 10]

Stonham Women's Direct Access Hostel

 

There are a number of corrections to make to this entry. The fax number should read 24(2) 1621; the primary contact is the Duty Officer; and the service is open to women from anywhere, not just Sheffield.

[baron10 10]

http://www.doncaster.gov.uk/Images/Doncaster%20Performance%20framework_tcm2-43762.doc -