Story: 'The Supreme Magic Company.'

[seriessix 10]

The Supreme Magic Company

 

New Version.

 

Old Version.

[Hopman 46]

Very inventive. It is a work of fiction, but has a touch of possible authenticity about it.

I noticed a couple of spelling mistakes:

"presigitation" should be prestidigitation.

"floor in the design" should be flaw in the design.

 

Also:

"...I wanted to buy a magic trick and he asked how much money I wanted to spend. He told me that I only had enough to buy a catalogue.."

 

Maybe this might be changed to:

"...I wanted to buy a magic trick and he asked how much money I wanted to spend. When I told him he said that I only had enough to buy a catalogue.."

.

[seriessix 10]

Thanks Hopman, my spell checker did'nt have prestidigitation - so I had to guess.

 

And you are correct, it is based on true events, very perseptive indeed.

[Mantaspook 14]

Hi Seriessix,

 

Another gem. I really like the way you draw the readers into the ludicrous world your characters inhabit, the only constructive criticism I can offer is that this story ends in half abrupt way, I know that is one of the comic twists you use (having the character ‘hit a brick wall’ so to speak.) but this one just petered away.

 

After the comment about him untying the trousers to let the water out I would have have done something like this:

 

A fireman approached me and commented favourably on my fire fighting trousers and enquired whether I had thought of joining the service. I told him I had considered this but was prevented by my Presbyterian upbringing, so, disillusioned with the world of magic I trod the middle course and became a fishmonger.

 

Occasionally, to add a touch of levity to the normally sombre world of fishmonging I would make Mrs Biggin’s pilchards disappear into thin air, only to have them reappear down the front of my trousers. Naturally she refused to pay for them and always asked to see the manager, whereupon I was asked to leave for “arsin’ about too much”

[coyleys 10]

Hi Seriessix

I’m sorry I’ve not commented on your writing before, that is because, well how can I put this, I think it’s because I’ve never come across your style before, quite unique.

I suppose it’s like a fine wine and mature cheese…

At first you’re not sure.

Second, you acquire a taste.

Third, you get addicted.

I’m on the second, bordering on third.

 

However I feel I have to agree with Mantas about your endings.

Keep up the good work.

Great stuff:thumbsup:

[seriessix 10]

Thanks for the comments, I have made a couple of amendments and uploaded the new version:)

[shoeshine 10]

Your "signatures" within the body of the text, serriessix, are immediately recognisable as being your inimicable work.

 

I enjoyed it.

 

The opportunities open to the advancement of one's entrepreneurial ambitions by regular visits to blow-fly nurseries have never been so overtly publicised.

[pattricia 574]

You little tinker,youve done it again.

[sauerkraut 10]

I agree with Coyleys' view that the writing style takes a bit of getting used to. I hadn't liked to say so myself because I didn't want it to sound like criticism - which it isn't - but Coyleys has expressed it beautifully.

 

I also had a few problems with the ending though. The change in attitude towards the magic shop seems to come so suddenly and I couldn't quite see what brought that about. But if he has suddenly turned against the magic world, I wonder if it might fit better with the narrator's change of heart for the final sentence to read "I decided to stop making any more magic tricks and take up maggot farming instead."

[seriessix 10]

The change in attitude towards the magic shop seems to come so suddenly and I couldn't quite see what brought that about.

 

The randomness of the charater, he is meant to be quite mad and thus this type of behaviour is to be expected