Story: 'The Friend.'

[shoeshine 10]

fox20thC, I am having a problem with a Java Runtime error at the moment. It prevents me opening your document properly. I can feel a complete re-installation of my Operating System coming on at this end.

 

It seems from the comments thus far as though you've made a great debut. I really can't wait to read it, and will do so/comment as soon as possible.

[shoeshine 10]

Well, I've just been reading it, and it's great.

 

I'm glad I read it this lunchtime, and not late at night.

 

You have constructed it very well, from the introductive description of the scene you set, the characters, their confusion during the body of the story and it leads well to a fine finish.

 

You have chosen an ideal story length, for this type of subject too.

[fox20thc 10]

ta muchly ss

 

I was a little nervous about you lot reading it.

[shoeshine 10]

Most people are in trepidation when they contact me for a password. All worry that their contributions will be judged as being "not up to it". I know I felt that way too, and still do, to be honest.

 

The thing is, whilst there are people on here with experience in producing the written word (maybe having been part of a dedicated Writing Forum elsewhere on the internet, perhaps even submitted work to a possible publisher or have self-published items on the web) this Group is provided by Sheffield Forum for us, the ordinary members on SF.

 

It's here for them, and is intended (and does) attract people of all ages and abilities to try their hand at writing, get the feedback from it if they choose that option, and most of all, to enjoy giving it a go.

 

We hope more people will take the opportunity to use this facility and expand their SF enjoyment in general.

[fox20thc 10]

Well I can honestly say to anyone still waiting to post a tale, its not as painful as you think it is. Go for it!

[seriessix 10]

Nice one Fox, took me back to creepy, drafty houses we lived in during the 70's.

[mikomi 10]

Yep i agree with my piers .It was a very good first edition ,now you can send in more stories , now your no-longer a virgin .oops can i say that .

[sauerkraut 10]

Ooh that was really creepy. I was imagining all sorts of conclusions while reading it and the ending was as scary as any of them! Really well told!

 

Hope you won't mind if I mention just a couple of tiny points that might improve the readability. In the first paragraph it says the council are thinking of pulling "them" down and that threw me for a moment because it sounded like it was the couple who were about to be pulled down, rather than the houses!

 

The other thing is where the little girl says that she was "Playing Mummy." The absence of a comma after "playing" made me think she was playing a game called mummy - you know, mummies and daddies - which had me envisaging a very different direction to the story for a while!

 

On the other hand both of these points could of course just be me being thick!

[brisbane 10]

HI Foxy,

Really loved it, and got really engrossed in the story and I thought it flowed very well. Our house is at the top of the hill, with sash windows and a creepy cellar so I will just have to make sure I don't hear any noises tonight. :hihi:

 

A spooky chilling read!