Going to Church tomorrow? Are you "nice" or "nasty" when you get there?

[shoeshine]

"Congregations cowed by bullies, vicars stressed by the need to be nice" says a new report featured in today's Times Online.

 

Today's Times Online

 

Churches in Britain are a “toxic cocktail” of bullying and terror, as parish priests struggle to lead congregations dominated by neurotic worshippers who spread havoc with gossip and manipulation.

 

The “dark side” of parish life is detailed in a report published by the Church of England, which describes how peace and love are in desperately short supply in the pews of churches this Christmas

and

from the same source

 

Priests are being torn by the pressure of having to be nice all the time to everyone, even when confronted with extremes of nastiness, she says.

 

It is worse in the suburbs, where Christians can choose between a variety of “gathered” churches, all offering different styles, from tambourines to High Mass with incense. Here, troublemakers indulge in “church hopping”, moving on to the next church once they have had enough of the one they are in.

 

Dr Savage says that these people suffer from neurotic personality disorders bordering on the psychotic.

 

 

I think I'll give it a miss this week, and hope things settle down before Christmas!

 

Full Story Here

[JoeP]

 

I'm not a regular Church attender, but I can believe that, like any organisation, 'in' groups and cliques develop and if the organisational leadership is poor then these groups will end up setting the norms of behaviour.

[Litha]

thats very true Joe, and it isnt just christians. Pagans are the same, ive opted out of many of the groups,meetings and organisatations for the very same reason. i think most groups etc.. of people experience some form of backstabbing, bitching and general nastyness in some form. When the cliques do form it isnt very nice for new comers, who can feel that they are on the outside of the circle or it goes the otherway and vunerable newcomers are dragged into the "not so savoury" cliquey in groups. There are definatly some strange people out there that give us Pagans a bad name.

[JoeP]

Litha,

 

One of the reasons I'm not very social in terms of joining clubs and such is EXACTLY this. I suppose it's just a very basic human trait, but it is SO annoying.

 

And it's OK - there are some weird folks out there that give every religion a bad name. Maybe we could gather them all together and let them sort out their 'issues' whilst the rest of us get on with the core busienss of being Buddhists, Christians, Pagans, whatever.

 

When I was involved in politics in Sheffield I frequently thought there were some people in my Party (Labour) who were more inetreested in fighting other members of the Labour Party than the Tories or Liberals. It's a widespread disease!!

[Plain Talker]

I think it's a case of "People are people, no matter what faith (or otherwise) they profess to follow".

 

my take on it, these days is, I think, similar to that of the late, great Groucho Marx, who said

 

"I would not want to be part of any club that would have me as a member!"

 

[Litha]

When i used to have my Pagan shop i had a sign up saying " keep your bitching, backstabbing and ****** outside the door"

 

i dont know about the christians burning witches, some folks in our community would probebly quite willingly burn each other at the stake, and those left are very likely to need burning at the stake

 

i gave up my business because i just could not stand being around people any longer, somedays it just felt like someone had left the gate open at the ******* farm and they had all found my shop.

 

i dont have much to do with my family either ( except my nan n grandad, mam , and brother) because they seem to be the worse culprits for this anti social behaviour

[Don_Kiddick]

 

i gave up my business because i just could not stand being around people any longer, somedays it just felt like someone had left the gate open at the ******* farm and they had all found my shop.

 

:hihi: You should try working in A&E mate :hihi:

[Ousetunes]

Maybe this explains why attendance at cathedrals is booming - up 40% since 1999 IIRC - whilst the numbers dwindle in the suburban churches?

 

From my own experience, it seems attending church is more than just a case of worshipping with fellow believers. When regulars talk to you, their smile is fake, their questions interrogating and in short, I feel I'm being sized-up and informed that whilst I'm welcome to come - indeed, look at that smile! - I am an outsider. This might not apply to everyone, but I'd say a large majority. I feel that these people have little better to do than chatter away, make sly digs and backstab folk when they're not watching.

 

However, cathedrals are larger places whose congregation differs from week to week. Sheffield Cathedral for example will see different faces passing through, some local and some visitors. Thus, the 'clique' here will be smaller and they won't have the chance to form an opinion of someone or find out more about them if they don't attend regularly.

 

Thus it goes without saying, I prefer to attend the cathedral or any other than my local church from where I can quietly slip away afterwards.

 

Maybe this is coming across as quite harsh. The bible after all says we need to worship with fellow believers but it's those I've mentioned above which make attending my local (and otherwise, superb) church regularly quite a 'trying' experience.

 

I can't stomach insincerity and these people (who for some strange reason always wear foul perfume like my primary school teacher used to) can really lay it on. But there are some decent believers and I guess like other posters have said, it's typical of the world we live in.

 

Finally, my kind of church is not the happy-clappy type (which is what my local church is like). I prefer calm, traditional hymns and a building which makes you slow down and think. Sheffield Cathedral or St John's Ranmoor tick these boxes.

[jubby]

In my groups you can have this kind of behaviour the Times has just picked up on a few churches.

 

Good ledership will notice and crack down on the kind of behaviour.

 

My pastors latest book - Jesus save me from your followers - has extracts fom his diary and it was started just after split in the church, it sures that everyone has this kind of behaviour in them, it is what makes us an earthly human that the Devil can attack and manipulate instead of what God inteneded us to be.

 

The biggest gift God gave us was Free Will

[Mathom]

It's always gone on. You get a couple of spinsters or housewives who think they 'own' the place and run everything, and push out anyone who does not fully conform to their views. My mother used to want to join in with everything at their local church but some women just like I've just described were nothing short of evil with her. When it came to decorating windows for the harvest festival she was given a window that was never done up, as nobody could see it. The same women also used to dominate the local WI and she got pushed out of that, too. All because she wasn't a stay at home housewife and had a job, hence very little spare time to crochet toilet roll covers, so she wasn't 'their sort'.