Do long distance relationships work?

[hmr44 10]

It depends on what kind of person you both are.

 

My boyfriend went to Lincoln uni and it was ok at first and we were both really cool about it and I met a couple of his friends once, essex girls - need I say more. I thought he was flirting with them, he was ****** off that I didn't trust him. And once I rang and he was like 'Yeah I've just gone to Holly's for a pizza, phone you later, yeah in a bit bye' and I was well annoyed cos he sounded funny and didn't even say he loved me (he's usually all soppy) and I almost split up with him cos he got me so angry with the way he was being, because he knew I felt a bit insecure.

 

But anyway I'm getting myself mad about it, so I'll get to the point lol. I'm a bit insecure, and rubbish at trusting people and I hated being so far apart after an argument and everything. I don't think it would have lasted if he stayed in Lincoln, because he was changing a lot too mainly because of different friends and stuff.

 

I think it only works if you trust them 100%.

 

Hope it works out xxx

[redrobbo 10]

Well, nearly 10 years on since we first met, nobikejohn and I are the living embodiment that a long distance relationship can work. I live in Sheffield, and nobikejohn lives just outside Hull.

 

BrainThrust sensibly mentions trust. You have to have trust - it is essential to sustaining a relationship. Although we do not physically see each other every day, we speak by telephone most evenings, and natter about the day we've just had, etc.

 

Another essential to sustaining a long distance relationship is to ensure that you maintain an adequate work-life balance. nobikejohn and myself are fortunate in that respect, as we are able to completely get away from work-related matters at least six times a year, when we clear off to Snowdonia, to get away from it all, and just be together.

 

A long distance relationship doesn't suit everyone. But with effort, trust, commitment and planning, it can work.

[Squashie28 10]

I was with my now ex for almost 4 years, I live in Dagenham, Essex and he lives in Sheffield.

 

We decided to live together about a year and a half into our relationship so we started to look for a house exchange, but this took its toll because we endured one disapointment after another.

 

Because he had no responsibilities and was unemployed he was able to do a majority of the travelling down to Essex but every once in a while he would make it clear how he did all the travelling in the relationship or tell me his dad would say to him how he does all the travelling, it would make me feel just awful, in my defense being a single mum with a part time job made it hard to meet him half way, its not like I had a babysitter on tap and my mum wasnt always available to have my son for weekends at a time, but I did come up to Sheffield when she was able to babysit.

 

I suggested to my ex that we save up for a car which we were doing, then one day out of the blue his dad gave him a car, we were both so happy because we thought it would make positive changes to our relationship, but then he began to resent the 4 hour drive down and I suppose I couldnt blame him but it was immensely frustrating, I began to feel like a burden and not a girlfriend.

 

Anyway, we continued to search for a house exchange which was proving to be an annoying and fruitless task and it really got the both of us down, so I suggested he move in with me and my son but we could continue to search for an exchange, but he said no, he said he couldnt face leaving his friends and family and he simply hated southerners LOL (Cheers), he especially hated my family, I did understand to a certain extent but I guess Iam an old romantic and I thought and hoped that if you love someone you can overcome the little niggly issues, but he sadly didnt see it that way.

 

I was absolutely devastated and I just couldnt take anymore so I made a decision to end it, I just couldnt see a future together because the disapointments, the frustrations and the resentments were making things unbearable.

 

Anyway, he went quietly and didnt put up much of a fight and shortly after we split up he met a new girl but shes from L.A. California.

 

Thats just my experience of Long Distance Relationships, I do think in some instances they work I guess it depends on team work and compromise.

 

I hope he is happy anyway, I dont wish him ill will, he was a lovely bloke and brilliant with my son and we both miss him like mad, but I do have some good memories of the time we spent together, but we are no longer friends, he hasnt spoken to me since the split and I doubt he ever will.

 

Jo

x

[dkhank 10]

And when i say long,

i mean from Scunthorpe to Hull.

 

no they dont. my x lives in derby. no way. theres none of the ' oh do you fancy this.. or that.. tonight. nah! it doesnt work.

 

after saying that depends on age!!!! young love works miracles - even across the big sea to usa.

[pink fairy 10]

When i was with my x i used to have to travel to cornwall a lot as my uncle was terminal ill i use to send a week or more down there and had to be pepered to drop everthing. My x was sort of supportive but not very understanding me putting family first. He would phone every day sometimes when he did not phone i get suspicious i did not trust him and had just cause. In the ended i could not cope with my x and the distance i will say it droves us apart i know things in cornwall were going to harder and i could be down there for a while i finish with my x it was a hard descion especialy when i need him the most but seen no other option. For me it did not work but there was other pressures as well yes i would probably try it again the good side of long distant realtionship when you see them your really missed them and also you still got a sort of singal life dont mean seeing other people u can do what u want with having to justfiy your self. I do agree you need trust for it to work or your drive your self mad. All the best hope it works

[Heyesey 11]

Long-distance relationships are a lot harder to get STARTED. Case in point; I was seeing a girl in Glasgow for about six weeks, but after three day-trips up there (leave the house at 4.30am, arrive back at 1am next morning) and one overnight stay here by her, we decided we didn't care THAT much for each other to bother with all the hassle and expense. On the other hand, when I was seeing a girl in Watford, we stuck it out for over a year and then got married. It didn't work out, but that wasn't because of the long-distance factor.

 

When distance is a major factor in a new relationship, you have to make a decision fairly quickly, whether this is a serious enough relationship to either (a) move in together, or (b) sacrifice a lot of the things that go with a relationship (seeing each other regularly, etc.) in order to stay with your distant partner. Most of the time the decision will be "why bother," because you simply don't know each other well enough to say this is going to be a long-term serious commitment.

 

If it's an *existing* relationship, it is much more likely that the people involved will commit to it, and it can survive, although it's never easy.

[DaisyBoo 10]

my ex moved to london for a year, it was so hard and we eventually split up. i wouldnt do it again.

[SquiffyRaRa 10]

Nice to know that there are happy endings but in my case it did'nt work out in the end

 

We met few weeks before he went to uni and when he went to uni we would see eachother at weekends, I trusted him 100% without any doubts but it seems he obviously did'nt trust me and did'nt have the patience.

 

It actually ended yesterday and im gutted,i was at the point of falling for him.I think he mite have been scared of getting hurt.

 

[Gemini2 10]

We've been married 42 years. I was in Sheffield he was in Hampshire, we saw each other about eight times a year. We used to write three times a week and phone twice a week, from a phone box, I used to wait at the phone box for him to ring me. The most basic thing needed in a long distance relationship is trust more so than a normal relationship. At least thats my opinion

[Echelon 10]

And when i say long,

i mean from Scunthorpe to Hull.

 

 

i hope not. i girl i really like has a bf in paris...in paris!

[simondjuk 10]

Does Sheffield to Rochester count as a long distance relationship? About 180 miles.

 

I met my wife where I used to work, I lived in Sheffield, she lived in Rochester. We used to travel weekly to each other until she moved to Sheffield. So in my experience they do work as we are still together 6 years later on.

[seeyoujimmy 10]

Yes they do! 3 and a half years of me in Edinburgh, him in rotherham, constant phone calls and a 3 hour train journey every second weekend and now we're happily living together!

 

My sister is currently doing a long distance with her living in Edinburgh and him in Lanzarote, looks to be working out alright!