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Sheffield Memories - Compiled By L.S.Dunone

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Seriessix ,You are far too intelligent for this Forum.:hihi:

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A Welcome Pie

 

Dear Sir,

Tina Galster’s mention of the Mecca Bingo Hall had me reminiscing all weekend. I used to live up in that area of town before it got knocked down to make way for the bus station. The day I moved in was a tiring experience, after I’d got most of my belongings unpacked I sat down to watch one of my favourite TV detective shows Cadmere P.I. The opening credits were rolling when I heard a knock at the back door. I was greeted at the door by a representative of the local community, a one Fredrick Barns, who welcomed me to the area with a home baked egg pie presented in a bowl made from clay that he had gathered from the banks of the river Don. To this day I have no idea what happened to that bowl.

 

Sadly, Fred got burnt to death not two weeks later. He’d fallen asleep in his shed whilst firing a new set of lunch plates in his home made kiln. This tragic household accident had a profound effect on his wife Doris. Not long after Fred’s death she decided to set up a Health and Safety museum in her under utilised attic; this was clearly an altruistic quest to prevent further household tragedies.

 

One day I was lucky enough to be invited to come and visit her attic museum, it was really something special. She had installed a turnstile and provided pamphlets and refreshments – it was really quite professional. The concept behind the museum was to highlight potentially dangerous household activities that could easily be avoided. The attic was set up like a bed sitter with all the regular appliances and furniture. But on one of the elements of the gas stove was a boiling pan of chip oil, the other element was on but not lit making the whole room smell of gas. In the corner was an electric heater turned up to maximum that was covered in damp tights, next to this was a savage dog on a very long lead. The bed was really just a mattress on the filthy floor with no sheets, however there were six fleas pinned (with hat pins) into one of the pillows. Doris had also cleverly overloaded a single electric socket with twelve appliances. The crowning glory was the water seeping in from a skylight, down the wall into another electric socket that had exposed wiring. I learnt a lot that day I can tell you.

 

Doris later extended an invitation to local schools to come and visit her museum but I’m not sure if any took her up on the offer.

It would seem that luck wasn’t on the side of the Barns’s. Eva’s house went the same way as the shed – it got burnt to the ground. The reports said something about an electric fire and one of the firemen got attacked by her dog while trying to save it. Still I’ll never forget the Barns’s, they made me feel welcome when I first moved to the area and taught me to be safe around the house and for that I owe them everything.

 

Mark Barry.

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Are you really writing these ? Yourself I mean ? You are brilliant.Are you a proffessional writer ?

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pattricia, this writer's contributions are a mixture of Goon Show-type scripts, Round the Horne humour, Up Pompeii and similar, all written in a uniquely wistful style.

 

Added to the mix are the oft-tragic results of someone lacking "gumption".

 

The tales here literally crease me up every time I read them. :hihi:

 

I revisit them three or four times each to extract the full brilliance of the humour and writing style. In a few months time I will revisit them, as one does with any good book.

 

My apologies for seeming to eulogise. Keep 'em coming seriessix! :thumbsup:

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pattricia, this writer's contributions are a mixture of Goon Show-type scripts, Round the Horne humour, Up Pompeii and similar, all written in a uniquely wistful style.

 

Added to the mix are the oft-tragic results of someone lacking "gumption".

 

The tales here literally crease me up every time I read them. :hihi:

 

I revisit them three or four times each to extract the full brilliance of the humour and writing style. In a few months time I will revisit them, as one does with any good book.

 

My apologies for seeming to eulogise. Keep 'em coming seriessix! :thumbsup:

These stories should be printed in a book,then I can read them at leisure in my favourite place,bed. :D

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These stories should be printed in a book, then I can read them at leisure in my favourite place, bed. :D

 

My mother in law borrowed my copy and did just that.

 

Quote : “The beds not rocked that much for years” unquote.

 

I trust she meant with mirth.

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Mantaspook...that made me smile!

 

I think Im off to get this book as it'll be a great pressie for someone. Anyone know how quickly/reliable the 'lulu' (surely no relation to the real one!!??) site is for delivery?

 

Cheers seriessix for a quick pressie off my list..I'll need a sequel for next year please.

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RE: LULU.

 

I opted for the non-express delivery option and was quoted ‘delivery before 25-12-06’ the book arrived seven days later. The website quotes all the prices in dollars, the book plus P & P came to £9.02.

 

I have studied the matter and can confirm that £9.02 would only buy a small container of nitrous oxide ("laughing gas") that would leave you paralytic for 22 minutes whereas Mr Dunones book represents much better value for money, even when you take into account potential dry cleaning bills whilst losing control of your bodily functions, its still only a shilling per laugh.

 

My copy has finally returned from my mother in law, although the length of copper pipe is still missing, which is a shame as I became quite attached to it over the years - the superglue website being no help whatsoever.

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Anyone know how quickly/reliable the 'lulu' (surely no relation to the real one!!??) site is for delivery?

 

Cheers seriessix for a quick pressie off my list..I'll need a sequel for next year please.

 

Thank you!

The average is just over a week.

 

The sequel (Volume II) has begun....:)

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Thank you!

The average is just over a week.

 

The sequel (Volume II) has begun....:)

 

 

I dont like buying off the internet.Can this be got at the Library or a book shop ? Oh, and are you L.S.Dunone ? :huh:

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I dont like buying off the internet.Can this be got at the Library or a book shop ? Oh, and are you L.S.Dunone ? :huh:

 

I know what you mean.

 

At the moment it is only available via this site. I am indeed L.S. Dunone (but don’t tell anyone).:)

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