Looking after your parents

[Bago]

Another thread got me thinking on this.

 

Have you ever thought about looking after your parents when they are old ? Do you earn enough to cater for this kind of scenario, or have you never thought about that stage in your life at all. Or do you know if your parents have found provision for themselves as to how they will live when they get older and is less abled ?

 

Do people talk about this kind of scenarios with their parents ?

[savbaby]

Another thread got me thinking on this.

 

Have you ever thought about looking after your parents when they are old ? Do you earn enough to cater for this kind of scenario, or have you never thought about that stage in your life at all. Or do you know if your parents have found provision for themselves as to how they will live when they get older and is less abled ?

 

Do people talk about this kind of scenarios with their parents ?

 

My mum has stated she wants us to put her in a home and forget about her if she turns out like my Gran and Aunt! My aunt died this year in Feb at the ripe old age of 89, her and my gran used to bicker constantly and would argue over the most stupid things!

 

i dont think my parents have any provisions, my dad knows he wont get old and my mum doesnt think of her in old age she just keeps thinking about what she will leave us behind when she is gone.

[pattricia]

Another thread got me thinking on this.

 

Have you ever thought about looking after your parents when they are old ? Do you earn enough to cater for this kind of scenario, or have you never thought about that stage in your life at all. Or do you know if your parents have found provision for themselves as to how they will live when they get older and is less abled ?

 

Do people talk about this kind of scenarios with their parents ?

 

 

No they dont. You just live your life ,from day to day, and try & enjoy yourself and look after your parents as well. That time came for me,to look after my mother,I did what I could for years, then she went into a nursing home, where she died peacefully last year.Everything works out O.K. in the end,but its best not to think about it too much,as life passes you by if you do.

[Kelliinlove]

my gran mother brought this up with me recently...my mother has always looked after my grandmother more than any of my aunts and uncles ever have. an Aunt gets a lot more credit then my mother ever does.

 

on holiday last week Nan was saying and i quote "you should look after your mother like she has me...i mean there is no point in telling the boys (my brothers) since they grow up and get lifes and girlfriends"

 

hmmm angling at the fact my mother has no life. and making me follow in the footsteps...difference is i am gay and will be with my girlfriend in Canada soon.

 

would it be worth looking after my mother from Canada? i feel kind of obliged to do the same for my mother, but how could i from where i am gonna be?

[pattricia]

my gran mother brought this up with me recently...my mother has always looked after my grandmother more than any of my aunts and uncles ever have. an Aunt gets a lot more credit then my mother ever does.

 

on holiday last week Nan was saying and i quote "you should look after your mother like she has me...i mean there is no point in telling the boys (my brothers) since they grow up and get lifes and girlfriends"

 

hmmm angling at the fact my mother has no life. and making me follow in the footsteps...difference is i am gay and will be with my girlfriend in Canada soon.

 

would it be worth looking after my mother from Canada? i feel kind of obliged to do the same for my mother, but how could i from where i am gonna be?

Dont feel guilty, just go to Canada.No one person owes another anything.Someone will be there for her.Treasure her before you go.Im sure youve done your best.You have your own life to live.Good Luck.

[Kelliinlove]

Dont feel guilty, just go to Canada.No one person owes another anything.Someone will be there for her.Treasure her before you go.Im sure youve done your best.You have your own life to live.Good Luck.

 

yay for good advice thank you Pattricia :hug:

[babychickens]

my grandparents recently had their 60th wedding anniversary - they're both in their late 80s, and still living independently. they're pretty well off (financially, i mean) but i really worry about what's going to happen when one of them dies. my aunt lives in the same building as them, but she's been sort of looking after them (what they can't do themselves - dealing with workmen, changing lightbulbs etc) for 15 years and can't cope anymore - i wonder whether if my gran died first my grandfather would get a nurse.

 

i'd like to think that when i'm older and one of my parents needs looking after i'd do it - they've given me so much, it's only fair to give some back (although they did get the fun end of the bargain - kids, not the old and dribbly end!). but seeing my aunty makes me realise that no matter how idealistic you are (i honestly think it's right that people look after their aged parents), the strain can be incredible and effectively ruin your life, so i don't think anyone who tries to support them but can't has failed, but i think people should at least try. that said, i'm not 30 yet, i think it's a bit soon to be planning my life around that eventuality.

[savbaby]

my grandparents recently had their 60th wedding anniversary - they're both in their late 80s, and still living independently. they're pretty well off (financially, i mean) but i really worry about what's going to happen when one of them dies. my aunt lives in the same building as them, but she's been sort of looking after them (what they can't do themselves - dealing with workmen, changing lightbulbs etc) for 15 years and can't cope anymore - i wonder whether if my gran died first my grandfather would get a nurse.

.

 

Its so sweet they have been together so long, in some cases when a couple have been together for so long and one dies the other seems to go not long after, i have know this to happen to 2 older couple who were together for at least 40 year. Its very sad but then i suppose living your life without the one person who has been there everyday must be really hard

[ladyB]

I would like to think that I would care for my parents myself, I am not against nursing homes(i worked in one for 12 years) but i just feel that i want to keep the family together. However there may be a point when I can't give them what they need, it's not really about the sress I am under its more about, are the getting the correct level of care. my mum is ill at the moment, cancer..for the second time, and it's soul destroying to see your loved ones go through pain and I will do as much as I can to get her, and my dad through it. she deserves the best care on offer, as does anyone, and if i can't give it then I need to entrust that job to someone who can......

[spicey]

In my culture, the parents normally live with the son (or one of the sons). At home, I have always lived with my grandparents, basically, my parents have never lived alone. I have a younger brother so technically my parents should live with him when older. However they both have said they would rather live alone as they know how it feels. I'd like to think than either me or my brother would look after them (or one of them if anything happens) when they need it. Old people's homes are quite taboo for us.

 

For me, getting married soon, once I move back down south, I will move in with my inlaws. It's a very traditional thing to do and I know most girls of my generation refuse to do it. However I would feel guilty to leave them by themselves.