King Rat Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 I know this is a depressing subject but its something which most of us unfortunately have to go through. What advice, help tips, etc have helped you personally or anybody else you know to best deal with Grieving / Bereavements etc? I have been told it’s common to feel - Grieve, Anger, Guilt commonly known as GAG. This process obviously might not be the same for everyone but I would be interested in knowing what you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Yup- got them all right now. If I ever find a solution I'll let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 I know this is a depressing subject but its something which most of us unfortunately have to go through. What advice, help tips, etc have helped you personally or anybody else you know to best deal with Grieving / Bereavements etc? I have been told it’s common to feel - Grieve, Anger, Guilt commonly known as GAG. This process obviously might not be the same for everyone but I would be interested in knowing what you think? I didnt feel anger, but definitely grief & guilt. You can actually go into depression, although you dont always know it.It lasts much longer than you think it will, but suddenly one day, you begin to see the light,and then it gradually fades away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHOIRBOY Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 I know this is a depressing subject but its something which most of us unfortunately have to go through. What advice, help tips, etc have helped you personally or anybody else you know to best deal with Grieving / Bereavements etc? I have been told it’s common to feel - Grieve, Anger, Guilt commonly known as GAG. This process obviously might not be the same for everyone but I would be interested in knowing what you think? There are probably as many reactions to death as there are people Gief at the loss of a relative or friend. Anger at the way someone has suffered. anger with other family members who you think may have not done what they should. The why me anger especially at the death of a child. Guilt we feel when perhaps we have not done as much as we should in caring for the person when they were alive and we are angry with ourselves. Sadness at parting. We feel socially deprived and do not fit in to society as we did before a feeling of hopelessness Some positive reactions to death are possible Try to think of the happy times you have spent together, Think of what you have learnt from the deceased that has helped you in your life and thank them for it. For many people also react to death with relief they are pleased that the person has been relieved of what can sometimes be great suffering. A funeral really should be a celebration of life There are a number of organisation that specialise in bereavement counselling eg CRUSE. Also the Hospitals have bereavement counsellors for both people of religious faith or none. Unfortunately the one certainty of life is that we will face death vat sometime. Death is not nescesarily a parting but a start of a new type of relationship with the departed person. Hope this helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer1955 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 a feeling of hopelessness Some positive reactions to death are possible Try to think of the happy times you have spent together, Think of what you have learnt from the deceased that has helped you in your life and thank them for it. its not always easy thinking of the happy times you spent together when all you can see is how they suffered and all you see is the last few days of their life, i lost my hubby 7 months ago to cancer. he was 50. his dad followed him 5 months later also with cancer. the way i am getting through it, is by making a kind of scrap book with all his things in, birthday cards ect, so is my youngest son whos 15. every morning i kiss his photo and tell him i love him and miss him. i have told him i love him more since he as been gone than when he was here. every night when i go to bed i kiss his photo and say goodnight to him. i do feel angry that he was taken away from us. i feel so alone even though i have my youngest son at home. i dont feel safe anymore without him. i hate the thought of christmas this year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibertyBell Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Everyone deals with bereavement in their own way and although it is a cliche, I have found that talking about your loved one does more good than anything. Talking really does help so take time to speak to others who knew the deceased not only about their life but about their death. Bottling things up and avoiding the subject only prolong the pain in my experience. There are stages to go through and you can't just leap forward to being OK again - no matter how much you may wish to. Disbelief;shock;anger;grief are all normal. The pain goes away in the end but the memories never do. I have found that as time goes on it becomes easier to remember the good times. Also I found that for anniversaries, which are so important, why not mark their birthday rather than the day they died. I found this helped me enormously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Rat Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 its not always easy thinking of the happy times you spent together when all you can see is how they suffered and all you see is the last few days of their life, i lost my hubby 7 months ago to cancer. he was 50. his dad followed him 5 months later also with cancer. the way i am getting through it, is by making a kind of scrap book with all his things in, birthday cards ect, so is my youngest son whos 15. every morning i kiss his photo and tell him i love him and miss him. i have told him i love him more since he as been gone than when he was here. every night when i go to bed i kiss his photo and say goodnight to him. i do feel angry that he was taken away from us. i feel so alone even though i have my youngest son at home. i dont feel safe anymore without him. i hate the thought of christmas this year. We found out last week my dad who's now 58 has 6 -9 months to live due to cancer, When first told I didn't feel anything I just carried on as normal It was as if I was a robot, obvioiusly it was probaly delayed shock or something. This week it seems to have hit me like anything and talking about it so far as helped. I know you have obviously got it a lot worse & can't imagine what it must Really be like for you and I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but if you dont mind me asking how did you deal with the time up to the deaths? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeP Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Unfortunately, death is part of life and so needs to be treated as such rather than pushed away. From my experience, two things relieve the pain - time and acceptance. For those of us who have some religious or spiritual beliefs, they are often enormously helpful, but at the same time often cause us to questin those beiefs if the death is 'untimely' or 'unfair'. From my own personal experience I've found it goes shock, disbelief / refusal to accept, anger, guilt, grief, acceptance. Some people get 'stuck' in different stages, and the time taken to work through varies from person to person. Acceptance doesn't mean you've forgotten about people who've passed on, or don't care - it means, to me, that you've come to a blance point when you can at last look at their lives and what their life meant to you with understanding, some sadness that they're no longer with you, and the ability to get on with yur lfe having taken on board what their death means to you. The Buddhists have a saying 'to participate joyfully with the sorrows of the world'. I've held this close for several years now - I regard it as accepting death and suffering as part of the cycle of life, just as birth, life and happiness is. For what it's worth, I've found the following useful to me in terms of helping me come to terms with the death of friends and family, and in terms of helping me to accept my own mortality. The book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament. "The Bridge at San Luis Rey" by Thornton Wilder "All in the end is Harvest" - http://www.amazon.co.uk/All-End-Harvest-Anthology-Grieve/dp/0232516243 The first death that made a big impression on me was probably my Grandfather when I was 4. Over the intervening 40 years I've lost a number of close friends and relatives and I don't think it gets easier; however, I feel that as time goes on the essence of what those people meant to me stays with me in some way. Remembering the good becomes easier. I know I've accepted the death of someone when I can dream about them peacefully; I may be sad when I wake up, but it's a 'good' sadness, if that makes any sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer1955 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 We found out last week my dad who's now 58 has 6 -9 months to live due to cancer, When first told I didn't feel anything I just carried on as normal It was as if I was a robot, obvioiusly it was probaly delayed shock or something. This week it seems to have hit me like anything and talking about it so far as helped. I know you have obviously got it a lot worse & can't imagine what it must Really be like for you and I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but if you dont mind me asking how did you deal with the time up to the deaths? sorry to hear your news and i can say i know how you feel its disbelief at first. you just cant believe its happening. the worst part was telling our youngest aged 15 that his dad had cancer that he may not be with us for long. the hardest part was first telling him trying to find the words to say to him and he just sobbed and sobbed for ages. my other sons were 23, 28 and 32 at the time. it seamed easier to tell them. everyone is right when they say talking helps. it does not matter what you have to say if you have someone to talk to and be there for you. you do go through a lot of anger and you also worry that you are doing everything you can for them. yes its very distressing watching them deteriate. you can even have days when you wished they would be put out of their misery and others when you feel glad they are still here. my hubby would not except he was dying not even towards the end. you can send me a private message if you want and i will answer anything you need to know and i will gladly listen to anything you want to rant on about, even your anger. sometimes talking to your own family is not always convenient as they are going through the same thing as you and you never want to burden them with how you are feeling.never feel that people dont want to listen to your worries as if they dont then they cant be called a friend even writing your feeling down on paper can sometimes help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeaFan Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Everyone's different, but I would say that people should avoid telling someone who is bereaved that they "should have got over it by now". This just makes the person feel even worse, and the implication is "I don't want to hear about it anymore". This just makes the bereaved person feel isolated. Everyone deals with it at their own pace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.