Story: 'A Nightmare world.' (starter story intro by 17yrold)

[coyleys 10]

Hi there, I really enjoying writing especially fiction, however I can never think beyond the first chapter

 

I think your problem may lay in how you visualise your story as a whole, in your minds eye so-to-speak.

After all you don’t have to start at the beginning (once upon a time).

Myself, I may start at the epilogue, then the climax, indeed there may be two or three high points, a story within a story, then link the points together, spending time, so as not to lose the readers interest, then fitting in characters descriptions also slither in a few innuendos which come to play later in the story, or indeed never come to a conclusion and are left for the reader to conclude and finally when you have it all together, go over it all again and elaborate on the finer description, that is the part I like you can really express your self, and you do seem to have a knack for that Little-Face.

I do like the bit Scribe has added, you two should get together

[Gypsy Hack 10]

It's probably one of the difficulties in doing something like this, that two contrasting styles can make it tricky for a story to gel. I think that's what has happened with your continuation. Whilst little-face has decided to lay down a scene in great detail, you have chosen to move the story on at a great pace, indeed it reads like you're in a hurry. The two clash, because I was left feeling that many of little-faces initial avenues (or unanswered questions, to use my previous train of thought) weren't explored or developed.

 

Also, I would take time to show the character's personalities and attitudes a bit more. Main example: you tell us that the male character sees women as little more than slaves. That does offer potential for an interesting relationship developing between him and the now grown-up woman, but it's generally better to show the reader his attitudes. Maybe there is a woman on the expedition with him, and he orders her around or demeans her in some way, or you could introduce him earlier, acting in a mysoginistic manner in the caves.

 

Aside from these points, the potential for a good story is definitely there. I would just take a step back, try not to rush the words onto the page so much. The story will be better for it.

[scribe 10]

It's probably one of the difficulties in doing something like this, that two contrasting styles can make it tricky for a story to gel. I think that's what has happened with your continuation. Whilst little-face has decided to lay down a scene in great detail, you have chosen to move the story on at a great pace, indeed it reads like you're in a hurry. The two clash, because I was left feeling that many of little-faces initial avenues (or unanswered questions, to use my previous train of thought) weren't explored or developed.

 

Also, I would take time to show the character's personalities and attitudes a bit more. Main example: you tell us that the male character sees women as little more than slaves. That does offer potential for an interesting relationship developing between him and the now grown-up woman, but it's generally better to show the reader his attitudes. Maybe there is a woman on the expedition with him, and he orders her around or demeans her in some way, or you could introduce him earlier, acting in a mysoginistic manner in the caves.

 

Aside from these points, the potential for a good story is definitely there. I would just take a step back, try not to rush the words onto the page so much. The story will be better for it.

 

Yes your probably right. I don't want to do any more with it ,i was just sticking my oar in .But it's there for others to dabble with