Story: 'Alan's life changes.'

[brisbane]

Hope you enjoy.

 

Alan's life changes.

 

Feedback very welcome.

[Gypsy Hack]

Brisbane, from my own perspective, the moral of the story should be set within the story itself, not stuck on at the end. After a nice piece of writing, I felt the ending a bit of a let down. Maybe you could rework it a bit, so that the words once said to Alan ended up having a direct and detrimental effect on his life further down the line. Something that works in a narrative.

[Jabberwocky]

It was very interesting. Was it based on truth? It seemed as if that certainly could happen. I know of a few cases that are similar to that one that have actually ended in a similar way.

I liked it, very good, I hope we see more like that one!

[brisbane]

Thanks for feedback Gypsy Hack, I must admit when I read it back I felt perhaps I should have done more but at the same time I didn't want to go on and make the story lose the flow. It's always helpful to get advice though I'll remember that for the next one I write.

[brisbane]

Hi Jabberwocky,

Yes it was, it as my dad. I took the story from the words that was said to him and can remember him being upset and I think when he got cancer it came back to him what someone had said.

[Jabberwocky]

Hi Jabberwocky,

Yes it was, it as my dad. I took the story from the words that was said to him and can remember him being upset and I think when he got cancer it came back to him what someone had said.

As they say, write what you know and you did a good one there.

[brisbane]

Thanks! I find it easier to write about things that have happened.

Right bedtime for me as early start in the morning.

Thanks for the comments. I'll have to think of what I will write about next, another sleepless night putting the words into some sort of order.

[shoeshine]

This tale is short and to the point, brisbane. With regard to the ending I think it's OK.

 

People often say things in anger and really don't mean them. An adult would not brood about them for years normally.......that's simply, well, just life I suppose.

 

In a similar situation I suppose the hurtful words would return to one's mind in extremis...that's only natural. How poignant.

 

Well done!

[brisbane]

Thanks for your comments Shoeshine. My next story will be a happier one.

[pattricia]

Thanks for your comments Shoeshine. My next story will be a happier one.

I also realised,brisbane, that this was from real life. Write it as it is, not as someone else wants you to write it. Well done.