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Lyrics I've Written, please read

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A few songs Ive recently come up with, see what you think:

 

1.

 

And I'm thumbing through the Corpus Christi Tribune

By the side of the road in mexico square

And I slide out into the painted lily white sun

to find you standing by me, in the hot, dusty bordertown air

You said to me so gingerly "where've you been my honey-love?"

I say "welcome to the land of the living dead"

as i pass you by with a calm kind of grin

and kiss you so gentley on the cheek

and reach for the handle and say "honey, you'd better get in"

 

And you settle down into your seat and run your eyes cross the map

and ask "how long will this whole thing take?"

I don't reply, i just stare out infront

While the white lines slide under my car and there's steam comin off of the lake.

And you ask me again and all i say is "aslong as our love is gonna last, honey, babe"

As you slept you looked so perfect against the San Anton' sky

your skin was so soft and your breath was so gentle and slow

and you slept for hours through a trail of dust

and the night was so quiet as we passed through the Alamo

 

And the sun is dying down behind the Rockies

and Ive never been so much in love

And as you sit down beside me on the water front

I never felt this particular way for no one

Well the stars are comin out way down in Delacroix

and i see your reflection walking away in the mirror

And the Jacksonville midnight falls like a blanket of snow

and i step out of the car and take hold of your hand

and say "honey, you dont belong here"

 

---------------

2.

 

The cold hearted winds,

Cold hearted widows and wicked watchmen

Stand alone as the heroes watch them

In the palace of mirrors

Between the hours where desperate strangers

Lay wicked gifts into the manger

Beneath a crimson setting sun

 

The kings and queens

Of alleys and squalid walkways

Of corridors and hallways

In The chambers of chance

Where the dice they are all loaded

And the cards fall like dead roses

To the floor beneath their thrones

 

The liars and cheats

Gather silently in the markets

And fill up their rogues pockets

With the courage and kind

Of dog soldiers by the roadside

Who watch maid servants go by

To their ladies up in the tower

 

The magnolia fields

Where the ghosts of slavery whisper

And the whips still crash and blister

On Bandits and crooks

All along the black hot highways

Through the towns which now are ablaze

That ring with fortunes call

 

-----------------

3.

 

For those who kiss wildly into the night

And throw their arms into the dark

Those who have seen the edge of time

And have found a fire to spark

And those who will never cease to be

And those who will not die

Those who neglect and defy all truths

And expect to you to comply

Your frozen glance, your epitaph

Your Mutiny and distain

Your downfall will be your beauty

for it has faded with the rain.

 

In raging winds of dead weight dust

A hard rain is set to fall

The blind will lead the blind

And their false idols will fall

For the destitute abandoned souls

With no better place to go

The forgotten and forgiven

Who are travelling that same road

And for every single disused mind

Empty and void of thought

And every other liars tongue

Which his crooked black and forked

 

For you, you troubled concubine

You heavy hearted whore

You have no path to take now

Your end is at the door

You’ll protest and wail and scream and curse

An stare blindly at the sun

You are desperate to be living

And your death has just begun

For each and every jailers key

Buried inside a fist

A person that is living

hasn’t ever even lived

 

For the forever ripped and the forever torn

the cut up ones and cracked

For The pathetic and the desperate

Those who disguise truths and not facts

For those who just cannot forget the past

And wrap them selves in its fold

the depraved and dirty destitute

Who’s faces are crooked, grey and old

For those who’s lives are empty

And those who are full of sin

Your demise is set in diamond rain

Which is thrown against the wind

 

For those who protect and those who take

Those who douse them selves in fame

Those who serve the other half

With things detached from shame

For the petty crooks and master thieves

For The expectant and delayed

The mislaid groom and his entourage

The benevolent and betrayed

In respect of all the kings and queens

The paupers and the poor

The uncertain and the uneasy

Who can never be truly sure

 

 

 

To each friend and every foe

Together and apart

You’d call your self self a masterpiece

And I’d ask you of what art

For the loved and the lonely

The besieged and the free

The unknown and the popular

The followers and the lead

Your advisers and your footmen

And your chambermaid of course

For The single and widowed

The spinsters and divorced

 

 

-----------------

4.

 

Along the banks of the union Dam

beneath evening's shadowy hand

across the beaches white hot sand

where i miss you once again

a long that winding lonsome road

where rain falls and hurricanes blow

where no body ever dares to go

where i miss you

a rolling stone dont gather no moss

but i do baby, just because

i miss you right form across

this lonesome ocean

 

I pressed on hard, through the eve

rode past stallions bucks and steeds

and i know just what you need

cos i miss you

I cross the rivers broken bridge

and on that lonsome mountains ridge

I tread softly on the walkway bricks

cos i miss you

And on those crooked spanish steps

Outside the court where you wept

When i kissed you and said you were perfect

and i miss you once again

 

Beneath a velvet shifting sky

at midnight beside the freight train lines

where the platinum moon starts to shine

and i miss you

and before mornign breaking light

and i cant forget you, and i aint tried

i just need you by my side

cos i miss you

and in the filed of the great valley

in the shade of the magnolia trees

while im here are you thinkin of me

do you miss me?

 

 

 

 

Id welcome your input...

 

cheers

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Ah, if only we could hear the music to go with them.Very good, and classy Id say. Not easy to do.

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Sorry Ark-Seven, simply awful.

 

Most song lyrics these days are short, catchy and unforgettable. Yours are long, morose, more akin to bad poetry and instantly forgettable. Don't give up the day job is my advice!

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Most song lyrics these days are short, catchy and unforgettable. Yours are long, morose

 

 

i appreciate what your saying but thats why most of today's songs are songs are rubbish isnt it? I wanted to work more in the style of Dylan, Simon or Young than Timberlake and Beyonce, I see it more as poerty put to music.

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A few songs Ive recently come up with, see what you think:

 

1.

 

And I'm thumbing through the Corpus Christi Tribune

By the side of the road in mexico square

And I slide out into the painted lily white sun

to find you standing by me, in the hot, dusty bordertown air

You said to me so gingerly "where've you been my honey-love?"

I say "welcome to the land of the living dead"

as i pass you by with a calm kind of grin

and kiss you so gentley on the cheek

and reach for the handle and say "honey, you'd better get in"

 

And you settle down into your seat and run your eyes cross the map

and ask "how long will this whole thing take?"

I don't reply, i just stare out infront

While the white lines slide under my car and there's steam comin off of the lake.

And you ask me again and all i say is "aslong as our love is gonna last, honey, babe"

As you slept you looked so perfect against the San Anton' sky

your skin was so soft and your breath was so gentle and slow

and you slept for hours through a trail of dust

and the night was so quiet as we passed through the Alamo

 

And the sun is dying down behind the Rockies

and Ive never been so much in love

And as you sit down beside me on the water front

I never felt this particular way for no one

Well the stars are comin out way down in Delacroix

and i see your reflection walking away in the mirror

And the Jacksonville midnight falls like a blanket of snow

and i step out of the car and take hold of your hand

and say "honey, you dont belong here"

 

 

----------

Here is some constructive criticism.....

 

1. It's no wonder she doesn't belong there..... Jacksonville is in Florida, and you can't possible see the Rockies from that far away!

 

2. ' You said to me so gingerly "where've you been my honey-love?"

I say "welcome to the land of the living dead" '

You've moved from past tense "said" to the present tense "say" in the space of 2 lines. This error in mixing up past and present tenses is repeated elsewhere.

 

3. "and there's steam comin off of the lake." "off of"? :huh: "off" is sufficient.

 

4. "and there's steam comin off of the lake." By what stretch of the imagination does this contribute to the lyric except to rhyme with "take" 2 lines earlier? It just grates.

 

5. "And the Jacksonville midnight falls like a blanket of snow" :huh: I don't know what imagine are you trying to conjure up here, but this is simply ridiculous.

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Ok mate, chill out these are only my first attempts, ill try harder next time, ok?

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i appreciate what your saying but thats why most of today's songs are songs are rubbish isnt it? I wanted to work more in the style of Dylan, Simon or Young than Timberlake and Beyonce, I see it more as poerty put to music.

 

You're trying to emulate Dylan? Let us compare and contrast....

 

In raging winds of dead weight dust

A hard rain is set to fall

The blind will lead the blind

And their false idols will fall

For the destitute abandoned souls

With no better place to go

The forgotten and forgiven

Who are travelling that same road

And for every single disused mind

Empty and void of thought

And every other liars tongue

Which his crooked black and forked

 

 

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?

Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?

I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,

I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways,

I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,

I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,

I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard,

And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard,

And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

 

Opening verse of "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" by Bob Dylan.

 

Your Dylan imitation lacks metre, rhythm, syntax, and even general interest. It is simply diabolical! What are you rabbiting on about in this verse?

 

Chill out? You asked for "input". Don't complain when you've got it just because you don't like it.

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----------

Here is some constructive criticism.....

 

1. It's no wonder she doesn't belong there..... Jacksonville is in Florida, and you can't possible see the Rockies from that far away!

 

2. ' You said to me so gingerly "where've you been my honey-love?"

I say "welcome to the land of the living dead" '

You've moved from past tense "said" to the present tense "say" in the space of 2 lines. This error in mixing up past and present tenses is repeated elsewhere.

 

3. "and there's steam comin off of the lake." "off of"? :huh: "off" is sufficient.

 

4. "and there's steam comin off of the lake." By what stretch of the imagination does this contribute to the lyric except to rhyme with "take" 2 lines earlier? It just grates.

 

5. "And the Jacksonville midnight falls like a blanket of snow" :huh: I don't know what imagine are you trying to conjure up here, but this is simply ridiculous.

 

Bloody hell .I won't write any song verses never ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:

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Bloody hell .I won't write any song verses never ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:

 

 

Your "Eleanor Rigby" lyrics were lovely though...and the metre was quite brilliant.

 

Oohh sorry..mikomi, I'm confusing you with someone else! I wonder who it was. :confused::)

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I have lyrics to to put up but don't know how to get to page ..

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i just realised this thread is nearly 10 years old. i think the lyrics are more like poetry, i think it'd be difficult to set them to music , though i would love to get together with someone who writes lyrics with maybe more simple structure but NOT simple substance!! and write music with them. 'Peterkins2' just reply to this topic or pm me if you like

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Just to let you know the song never made Eurovision .it was'nt deemed crap enough

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